I've been blooged

Let's start starting

2011-03-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

It's been pretty long since I've written.
Somehow, by watching Travel and Living and the Asian Food Channel, I found my way to opening this blank page and typing words in it. :)

haha. It's been a while since I've seriously thought of things and put them into written perception. It's been a while since I've come out of this lazy shell of mine.
My life has been good I have to say. Mum's in town, sister's in town, life's slowly drilling in for me and I'm glad that I have time for myself to think, space out, cut down on alcohol, and just plan my life slowly by slowly-day by day. I don't have anything else to worry about right? Except not being able to live these things.

Recently, I've been a little negative with myself, I don't know why. Perhaps its my reaction to the moods of others, perhaps its my daily routine, perhaps its ROUTINE in general. And I figured, it should be changed asap.
Routines are bad, especially for people like me, once you linger in it long enough, you get trapped in these lazy clouds, then you get lost and confused. Enough of that, I can't stand being tangled. I need to detach myself from all the negative auras around me.

So fug all that, I'm tired and done with all these stupid routines. I need to think of what I want to do and what i'm willing to do about my future. Just checked potential career stuff I'm into, I will definitely give them a shot! :D

Other than career goals that are in the process of being set. I need to find ways to feel more at home or more at ease in this home of mine. My rooms under reno right now, the tukangs came in the morning and woke me up with all the hacking. So that's good, my own time to decorate and furnish my new room! Yay, so excited just thinking about it.

THINGS I MUST DO IN JAKARTA:

-cook like a chef (must try!)
-visit the museum
-throw a cook-out at Mur's place or mine
-eat in menteng area more often (there's still nasi uduk, soto, and etc to try)
-try out seribu rasa
-ride a bike, get a bike (not the fixified ones, the old-school ones secured with baskets)
-Start reading a good book again
-get into my dvd moments again, just absorb and enjoy the heavy-dialogued films
-make travelling plans (research baby!)
-start furniture hunting for new room! :p
-open up more

Ok goodnight, it's getting late. Another must do is GET SOME REST!
cheerio :D

Resolutions to consider

2010-12-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

So, a lot of people complained about 2010 being a bad ROAR. But for me, although there were negative incidents, it really got me somewhere in life. Taught me a lot about new people I met, friends, and it kind of widened me up mentally. And I have to say, I actually enjoyed all the trouble because I like the feeling of overcoming shitty obstacles.

WHAT 2010 DID FOR ME?

-At times it failed me, at times it didn't.
-At times I cried like a bitch, but other times I laughed like one.
-I cooked a lot and managed a pretty awesome concoction with the use of tomato paste.
-I discovered the best spaghetti bolognese ever at Toscano resto in Kemang.
-A long term relationship ended and I lost probably the closest friend in my life but hopefully when time heals and mindsets change, we'll be making jokes at a nearby mamak again in future.
-The Legends Bar opened, which was a reason to chill out and converse. So there was a hell lot of bar talk this year. And those Kilkennys really got me thinking.
-I went Island hopping for the first time ever.
-I met up with my Dad
-Attended my sisters Graduation ceremony
-Went to Phuket and enjoyed riding the Honda Scoopy
-I made a XMAS card for Murti
-I managed to let new people into my life
-Christmas was great!

Thats all I can think of for now.

However, the New Year has approached and it's time to bring forth all those undone resolutions over the years and just see what's doable enough.

But whatever it is, here's my list, my resolution, my goal to accomplish and scratch out, my benefit, my life to live.

1. I haven't SKYTREXED yet. Have to!

2. Meditate more frequently

3. Cut down on alcohol

4. Get into bikram yoga/yoga in general

5. Cook more, spend time in the kitchen

6. Earn more money

7. Shed 3 kgs.

8. Travel, finish of what's left of Southeast Asia at least

9. Improve plans, get organized!

10. Learn how to make decisions wisely

11. Control my temper

12. Take that big leap of faith

13. Make mama happy :)

14. Perhaps go for SUBUD (if im back in indo) and get "opened" :)

15. Be a happier person, don't take everything so seriously sometimes

16. Pick up a new hobby-arts n craft?

17. Exercise more! :D

18. Learn to not be so FRIGID and express my feelings more openly

19. Bungee Jumping!

20. Get those rabbit toys (for the sake of believing its the rabbit year)

Yeah that's about it :p

I don't know if I'll be adding more stuff. haha.

Post-mamak updates

2010-12-15T09:12:00.000-08:00

So...
I've decided to update this blog of mine. No matter how inactive, out of hope, and clogged my mind is, the inspiration somehow is stirring somewhere between the goo. Perhaps it's the chicken tikka and cranberry juice I had at Legends Bar, or perhaps it was the mamak session with elya and kelly.
We were conversing about our parents and their methods or should I say ways. Kelly told me she got smacked and slapped. Elya said he got belted. I said my father did the heavy encyclopedia book tactic where every hour he would add a book on both hands, that was because my sisters and I decided to venture into a little climbing adventure on the balcony. Then I remembered the mosquito bat incident, how he used it as a tool to shock us to our senses. haha. He would shock our toes, and trust me it's quick but hell yeah it shocks! That was a lesson for climbing the balcony for the 2nd time and of course being a rascal.
But it's amazing that as time goes by, those tools slowly vanish into the background of a couch or run out of battery-then you're completely in control like an adult and no longer suffer as a kid. The process of growing up is to get whacked, learn, be rebellious, and get whacked for it till you finally get it. Somehow, we're like naughty pets I feel but that doesn't mean the naughtiness has worn off :)
I actually enjoyed that mamak discussion, which naturally led me to think of Jakarta. The land-the city-the home which raised me, taught me, fed me. How could I not want to return? But then I thought, damn KL and their mamaks, how could I ever leave after-midnight delights such as canai, chapati, hot drinks, and such? Could I leave friendships that i've moulded over the past 6 years for a place i grew up in? Then I realized, KL has become my home, I've created a lifestyle and routine for myself here. To break it, hmm..now I'm thinking twice. I'm torn in between two cities, so it's seriously a war between nasi padang, road side bakso's and sate padang versus nasi lemak, chinese kopitiams, and banana leaf. hmm...well its not really about food but umm..yeah you get my drift.
If I could find a decent job here in KL, i told myself i'll stay. And If i could find an even better one in Jakarta, I told myself I'd start my life there all over again.
I'm off to bed now. It's a little late, but hey I'm still unemployed :) And all that Christmas Shopping for family, friends, and relatives-they have gotsta happen soon.
tata.

Pinch me already.

2010-12-03T02:18:00.000-08:00

When you're a full-time bum, there's no excuse to be a bum right? Like really? When you're a bum, expectations from friends and family tend to increase tremendously.
There you go, sitting around (like a bum, may i repeat) on your couch watching some chick flick you have pretzel snacks to because chick flicks are the only movies you can watch alone and enjoy. I mean, i still have Shutter Island on my dvd rack, but i doubt i wanna depress myself alone with it. I need some buds to watch it with.
Anyways moving on.... then of course, someone calls. It's a friend you're not so close to. The next thing you know you're out the door, leaving the simple comforts of home and out to the pub with a cold glass of beer in ur hand. Yeah it's good sometimes to be out, but what if you've been out every damn day? No offense ppl, but the batteries need to charge emselves.
People say I'm a hyperactive HYPER BUNNY (no, not that way) but when it comes to being around people. Apparently, I break a lot of jokes, laugh at em hysterically, I'm noisy, I'm loud, I'm bitchy, I'm up for anything. Yeah well to be honest, it gets tiring being that way, sometimes it's a genuine thing i pull. But sometimes, it's just to break the frozen ice others are too lazy to break. Sometimes it's to heat up the circle and get rid of the awkwardness coming from all angles. Sigh.
It's true.
It's only been a bloody week since unemployment. Of course, I appreciate life more. As in I get to sleep, wake-up, walk out, eat, shower-anytime i want. But at the end of the day, you'll find a book to read, a magazine to work your brains and imaginations on, and your couch to save that tired ass of yours.

Moving on...lets talk about friends. Recently, I've come to a solid realization about certain friends I have here. Some have issues. Maybe I have issues myself, but I know what crosses my line.

1. Lets just say I call em out to have a drink at Legends Bar. They ask me who's there? I'm like people you don't know. Then they say WHO? I swear, please I would like to melt their brains. Or another scenario is they possibly know some peeps there, but they ask who else (even after you've already mentioned everyone). Holy moly this really rocks my angry pot.

2. Bel where are you, i wanna play pool? a friend questions me. I say in return, yeah i'll be playing at 10pm sharp at wine@nine. Then his reply "let me know if u wana play pool or not." I'm like wat the bullocks man, didn't I just clearly text you the time and venue of where I will be. Holy shit, certain people just don't read their messages properly. Please do next time, thank you.

3.Then there are the friends who take you for granted. The ones that usually decline your offer when it comes to outings, but you find them someplace else with their other batch of friends. In the first place, fuck your brains more and please be honest and say something like "sorry man, i can't make it tonight, gota hang with other peeps yo". Something light and frothy like that why dont you. it's utter bullshit to be that way.

4. The latecomers. You're suppose to meet em at a bar, you have already texted em the day before or even earlier during the day to remind, warn em of the exact time and venue you'll be present at. They say OK! like they're looking forward to the world. You think, this persons not gona be too late is she/he. Well, you go to the bar and you get yourself a beer, time has passed, you keep blackberrying to avoid looking too lonely or stupid waiting or you try to distract yourself with the newcastle match vs i duno who (something u dont give a hoot about) and that friend of yours is STILL NOT THERE!This friend is seriously quite ridiculous. You know it then and there. And you know it even more when people by the bar (that u aint close to) tell you that same friend of yours is always late. Because its happened countless amount of times.

5. The in-denial idiots. Okay everyone (including myself)can be in-denial sometimes. But not to the extent of blaming people right after you've committed some serious-obvious type of mistake. For example, you come late. You DO say the sorry word. But there's always a condescending after sentence like "yeah but you know, you've done that to me a thousand times". So wtf does that mean? you're sorry you're late, but because I've been late before, you have the right to commit the exact same mistake? huh? Plus I was late because my family was in town and informed you that there's a chance of me being late. Now, that is not even a fuckin excuse, that's when duty calls. My mama is more important than you, so I have to eat dinner with her and watch her finish that stout before i proceed to you. I'm lost for words right now.

I think i'm tired wriing about this, i'm just going to publish it. And now, if you will excuse me, im not tired right now. I'm looking forward to dinner.

Cheers.

homesick!

2010-08-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've been writing in my journal a looot-a looot.
It serves as the best venting portal ever. But you know sometimes since i have a super inactive blog, might as well fill it with whats-been-happening stuff.

Well i've been pounding my head on articles. Me no likey. Pounding it further on my journal. Just releasing all this negative flow of energy within, not good to keep it all in yknow.

So tonight i'm at home, yes thank you very much. I'm at home, bought HOT mag and Harpers Bazaar to just circulate my thoughts. Hot mags just for laughter. And fuck it's still gossip girl homies on the cover, still! I guess that's what sells huh. I'm not fond of GG. Managed the first season, then cheated on it with CALIFORNICATIOn mudderfarter. Awesome! Gotta love the fucked-up n articulate HANK MOODY! I know i do. :) Sexay.

Ok and the rest of the time i've just been at work or having a beer. Laid of the beer tho these past few days, preparing for my climb up KK. DOn't know if I should be afraid of the weather, looks real shit to me but oh well just climb the damn mountain, enjoy the scenic view, and yknow experience something diffy for a change.

I dont know why im so chirpy today. I think i'm gonna get a load of shit tomorrow, i'm so prepared for ups and downs these days it aint funny no more.
But I'm glad mur FINALLY FINALLY got a berry so I can bug the shit out of her whenever I want, whenever I can. :D Or when I see something interesting, at least i can just bbm her. Usually I text her and the package she subscribed to in the states is shitty, it can't go international. stupidos.
But anyways she's got a BB now! And and, I decided to check my post box today, got an electricity bill of woaaahhh (didnt even use that much broh) and a surprise handmade crafted card from MURTI. weee! I was so happy to see the bunny and triangles. Thanks mur, now i love triangles, were they stamped by the way? Looked really abstract and pastel, the way I like shadings and colors of life to be. Awesome fly. Effin tits! haha.

I can't wait to go back home. I've been dreaming, thinking, and smelling nasi padang! bakso! nasgor from the tukang outside ma house! dapur sunda! waduhhhh.....laper nih. aiyayay..and also the bakmi siantar. hehe. yummy juga. I just miss home. period. miss home. HOMESICK nih. Will try to return this Sept for deytas parteh. If work wasn't piling up like a pile of shitballs then i guess i would poof off in a sec. But noo! I'm gona go home soon and it's gonna be retarded! Just the way we homies roll baby! :p

And yes i have work tomorrow. I am off to tuck under my poofed up comforter and of course my ibu jane sheets. weeeee :) happy me.
tata.
nitey nite.

Hustle the boogs.

2010-07-22T01:56:00.000-07:00

I've been talking about work a lot these past few days. Over breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, to myself, in my dreams. Enough is enough man. I need to stop whining, I waste a few hours on that with mates.

to effs man, the load is growing on me like a fat booger.
I can take it, i know. It's whether it's worth the burden.
Oh well, such is life.

Everyday, as i wake up I can't help but think of our "highschool reunion" time in Bali. It was awesome staying in Jasons villa, it was awesome hanging with the girls, it was awesome eating in commercialized Jimbaran ( crab was off the charts too), it was awesome hulahoopin by the beach, twas awesome partying till the crackbutt of dawn, it was awesome walking around, talking about private issues, dealing with it, catching up with the girls, aih it was just plain awesome. sigh. Think i left my brain there, no wonder i can't function properly these days.

I think i'm going to indulge in a pool session. It's been a while since i've fully enjoyed myself, might as well chill out to pool. Then get goin with my article.
I'm on leave tomorrow anyways. Yeah, on a Friday too :) Had that Bangkok trip goin but things aren't cookin well so therefore i'm not going. I'm going to use this time to plan my day, pre-organize my iDrop 4 debacle overview, and of course fix my bloody toshiba lappy. Hope i can squeeze all that in. oh man. stressfooooo.

I know what i want later. A Haagen Dazs Apricot & Cream icecream on a cone. Or on a cup?
hmmm....tricky treat i tell ya.

And i just want to space out, relax me back muscles, and yeah simply chill out.

laters poops.

pretty, but painful

2010-06-23T01:21:00.001-07:00

Migraine with aura. Something I have to learn to live with for the rest of my life.
They say 15-20% of migraineurs get it. And i'm one of the few. If only migraine with auras were a good thing, then i'd feel special for making that cut. Believe me, i deserve a cert or at least an award after all the pain and suffering i've been through.

But it's a gruesome feeling. It ties you down and fills you with doubts. It's highly depressing when you find that your vision blurs in the middle of a meeting. It's highly depressing when you're clubbing with your girlfriends and you see a sudden burst of zigzaggy lines coming at ya. Starting from the central field of your eyes, dancing off to the sides. The aura hangs out with you for about 20-40 mins. I've had it longer, twice a day, which is not a good sight. And I have gotten alotta people angry for ditching them due to these frequent aura assholes i meet. I mean yeah it might be fuckin nice to see these lines fluctuating from one end to another but trust me its a painful experience. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

The trigger ho's

1. cigs
2. food with tyramine (chocolate, cheese and all the wonderful preserved goods)
3. alcohol
4. stress and anxiety (must seek therapy)
5. flashing lights
6. Loud noises (refrain from Rock n roll, heavy metal, etc at this hour)

Medication?
I take Imigran FDT 50mg whenever the pretty aura strikes. Must gulp instantly to prevent bad migraine from storming in.

What to do?
Consult a doctor. He's got the drugs.
No matter what, this migraine aura thing has no cure. It can only be suppressed. So you gota deal with it.

Well if you want to seriously get to the root of the problem.
Keep a migraine diary to track down your migraine pattern history.
For peeps with the same aura shit as me, make sure to record:
What time aura starts?
What time aura ends?
Measure the length of time once its done.
Medication taken?
Level of pain on a scale of 1------10
Food consumed
Activies done

It's a little tiring to write all that down when you're in a state of trance, but its best to just jot the important stuff down.
But sometimes it just pays you a fuckin unexpected visit, even when you're feeling healthy and in the zone. It will come to ruin your day either way. So I guess just try to avoid over exhausting your bod for more than 2 consecutive days in a row. You're sure to get it. Yeah i know laying off all the fun seems pretty shit but it'll definitely decrease the migraine visits.

NOTE: BRING MEDICATION ALONG WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.

It's Wednesday. It's a boring day.

2010-06-02T00:32:00.001-07:00

I Keep listening to Black & Blue by Miike Snow and Hey baby by Stephen Marley ft Mosdef. Lovely songs, pretty inspirational.

So I'm at work. I should be working, but i'm more or less done with the ho stack of articles and reviews. Just one more for Nightlife to seal it all.

I hate the word BORED. But I am feeling it and I've been clicking here and there to pass my time. Checked out National Geo and every goddamn thing is about the oil spill, yeah it's a pretty big deal actually. But it's gonna get old eventually in a few days or so.

Today, I literally saw a car on fire. I thought it was gona fuckin explode ala Hollywood blockbuster style. I watch too many movies I think, always over predicting, over expecting. But nah it didn't, apparently the owner drove it off anyway. Like what are you thinking man, driving it off without the thought of it exploding with you in it? Salute all the effing way yo! It would've been cool to ram straight into the ocean with it like in the movies.Claim insurance, it's definitely a technical fault. People were blaming the sun for it. possible?

I've been thinking a lot about life, flipping through the magazine i work for and checking out our latest NEW RIDES. Saw the Ducati Hypermotard 796. Gorgeous bugger really. I want one. haha. But i guess those dreams are far OFF for me. But i wanna get a bike to ride, i was pretty attached to the Honda bike i rode in Phuket, maybe i'll get it since its pretty affordable and i'll just use it to beat traffic. Yeah why not huh, racing against the city air sure sounds like polluted fun. Will get back to you on that tho, all these quickie holiday getaways aren't gonna get me near any bike really. Might rent a scooter in Bali tho, relive the highschool days :)

And just to melt the moolah dreams outta y'all, here's a pic of the speedy beast itself. So handsome.

Wish i could rock it.
Oh well just have to be patient I guess.

Krystabel......OUT! Watch Californication, haha i like how Ms. Collini does it. Collini....OUT!

Heart Phuket

2010-05-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

It was only last year when the crab & I realized we were in desperate need of a sunny, sandy, and tropical getaway. We booked the tix late last year and spent a few months down the road complaining about sucky kl city and how we just can't wait to get the hell out. Well we did.

Finally, we left for Phuket.
It was my first time there with misses crab.
And we loved it.

We stayed in Karon beach in a lovely hotel we didn't spend time in. But the beach was within our reach. Karon is literally the opposite of Bali, its very hush hush kinda quiet. At times you hear the waves colliding and churning, but besides that its just the breeze yapping at ya. And since its so quiet, you feel you can hear the clouds and the sun talking to you. Yknow that feeling? Or maybe im just an idiot.

The beaches, quiet. tranquil. super relaxing.
The local food, magnificent.
The islanders, friendly, humble, and generous with servings.

Allow me to introduce our first friend PINKO the CRABBO.

self-timer shot

Mr.sexay getting a beach bath. It was funny how he was fighting against the waves when it sucked him in a little. I wouldve saved him anyway if it were to happen.

Love this pic of miss kellycrabby.

thats all. There are more pics but its gona take me ages to upload so heres just a few.

just a trespasser

2010-05-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

I finished work early today. Went straight to the gym for cardio and the usual 15 reps of each bloody machine. Then took a quick shower and darted off to BSC, was disappointed that I didn't get to try THE PRESSROOM. Yeah, every freakin blogs givin rave reviews on it. So i guess sooner or later, it'll be my turn to. So me, cousin, and crab ended up in Chili's. I was planning on a salad in pressroom, but whaddaya know...i whacked an entire tray of Mushroom jack fajitas (beef). It was wicked for my tummy and it was enough for the night. Usually i have supper cravings. But now as i'm writing this, the thought of food hasnt popped up just yet.

Its 3am in the effing morning. I just had a teh tarik and now im buzzed awake. Sometimes i wonder why its always around this time i manage sleep. I would like to sleep at 1am atleast. But it never EVER happens. That's the problem about being single, no one to report to, no one to stop you or hold you back, no one to take care of you. So you'd rather go out I guess. But freedom's good for now...i ain't complaining much.

I looked at my studio and man if the owner wasn't such a stingebomb and a worry wart, then maybe I wouldve attempted to designsponge the shit out of it. I already feel like buyin the place from her so i can pimp it up permanently. But then again, i dont think i would want to cramp up in a studio for the next few years, i'd go for a 3 bedroom apartment.

Now i'm just checkin up FB. All my old contacts that i've forgotten from A-Z. Just trespassing through old-school friends, best friends, bitches, assholes, and acquaintances checking out whether they've changed, lost weight, gained weight, and who's mingling with who. I guess im being a nosey bee, but when you're bored in the AM...i guess FB can save ya.

I think it's time for me to doze.

Tomoro, send crab to KLIA. Hit the GYM. Stock up on the essentials. Buy a cabinet? and just be happy monkey for the day before the Heineken green space partay.

toods.

The Boxes you keep

2010-04-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

It's great to be alone sometimes. Perhaps the word "lonely" is not so lonesome after all, it's accompanied by a whole string of activities, plans, and realizations. Depends on how you want to look at it.

I've been shoving boxes in and out of my place for a few weeks already, never has it been such a pain to do it all alone. And no one can help you with it because it's your own goddamn stuff and only you know where all the miscellaneous goes.

The best part is unpacking them all. I found myself digging back into funny moments from the "ghetto soulz" days, our basketball tournies, Arty and me grooving to our spice girls routine for the talent show to the other times when we were all together chilling out, feeling, and learning new things as teenagers. Many flashbacks from the past just attacked me, like the first time I tried alcohol, my first drive, my first time, my first crush, and the first time hitting the clubs. My first everything. And I don't regret a moment of it. And thank god i'm still young enough to remember.

I guess so, I just do

2010-03-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since i've written personally.

But I guess the rain and construction drilling had my nerves itching to ink someplace. So here i am, typing the randoms away and getting away from the slow ass hands of time.

Uninspired. The word I've been stuck to for a few months now. I wake up and i'm always ALWAYS tired, dreading the day, and just not looking forward to any major shits. Life wasn't suppose to be this gloomy. It was suppose to be funny.

Until lastnight when I decided on SIDS for a pint of Kilkenny. Things started to change. It was fucking awesome just sitting there enjoying my kilk and talking to ms.crabby about life. About why we get so upset and emotionally psycho sometimes and why we provoke men in our relationships. Basically why we poke them till their angry guts blow to kingdom come. And then we sealed it with splendid laughter. mwahah.

Then I thought, man this is a rare occasion and we must make a toast to the perfect weather, Edmund (the bday boy we dont know), the irish ale, the pub, the company, the seats, and how we're so lucky to be warming up those seats exchanging oddball opinions.

Let's just say I'm glad to be here. Even if it gets gloomy sometimes.

Ok, here's my weekend chopped up into tit bits.

Friday

ZOUK'S 6th Anniversary-The Madhatters party (they call it)

I thought it was a disaster honestly. Last years theme of decorated balls, mushrooms, and characters were actually colorful and creative. This year, however they brought it down to Alice in Idunowhatland. It was a muddy puddy battle of tea cups and like one big skinny Mushroom which i thought looked familiar from last years gudang. From a picture view, it actually looked kinda pretty, but not when ur standing there with the mess. I felt cheated.
People were beyond dresscode rules, they dressed like psycho hatters with leather jackets(fa up with that yo)and combat boots? And one girl wore fishnet stockings on her face (thats quite gross)Girls were armed with feathers and weird animals fastened to their heads, it creeped me out a lil. Fashion victims to the end man.
And if they didn't have feathers or anything fancy on, they were too busy showing off their lower butt cheeks off their super short dresses.
The event was skanky, messy, uninspiring, packed, and was painful to be in. And it took me a while to find the MADHATTER himself cuz other ppl went all out on their outfits, so they all played a role at Zouk that night.
And the free flow was shit to, I was there on time but the drinks were busy flying off to the greedy punks. So that means we didn't get any.
Aiyayay...the word is cape deh.

Saturday

Cathys 25th Birthday Bash-Planter's Haven

Planter's Haven is a gorgeous place. We booked the clubhouse all to ourselves and really NOBODY was there except for the guards. We had a bbq frenzy of all meat types, from seafood to drips of pork, beef, lamb, chicken wings, sausages, potatoes, and salad. The process of it was really messy, disorganized, and everyone was just budging in saying this one needs a brush of butter, salt, peps, etc. Others were like No, we need it plain. But despite the chaos, the food tasted awesome. And I can safely say, we've earned the licence to grill. We tried copying Mr.Rainford. haha..yeah but we said things like "Shove this baby to grill and you're ready for a party!" haha close enough.

Extreme sports-grilling

And Finally, the end of Cathy's cake :)

Sunday

Was actually planning to install myself to some Sunday light Sinatra and other jazz tunes. But unfortunately, i had to go for Princess Adeline's 8th Birthday party.
It actually turned out to be fun! The birthday girl had three cakes, one barbie cake, a haagen daz ice cream cake, and a confused looking pikachu dino cake. haha...funny and corny. I quite like corny parties. Plus, the kids these days are pretty hardcore too, they're fierce, naughty as hell, and they've got balls THIS BIG. They dont even feel threatened by their parents and even cops. Like this boy was hitting all these kids with his penis shaped balloon and the clown was like "Stop it or else i'll call Police, you wouldnt want that" and the boy just went "So, I dont care, ask them to come" And the clown and I were looking down at this boy in disbelief. The boy didn't give a tight ass what we thought, he continued torturing the little ones anyway.
It got me thinking of my birthday party when i was a kid. My mother baked a brownie chocolate cake filled with m&m layers. haha classic, homebaked, and original too. I loved the damn cake. But oh well can't beat barbie can i? :p

She's so adorable.

After the party, I went to buy a good ass GERMAN kitchen knife. Forgot the brand name but I know its wicked as hell and it will enable me to chop vegetables faster than the speed of light. Okay not...but i'm glad i got the knife. its sexy as hell.

Yeah thats about the end of ze weekend.
The weekend on its way should be a great one. Taking it to the beach. woot woot!

Easter island :)

2010-02-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of going somewhere next year.
Since I'm on a tight budge this year with the weddings, the trips, the shopping i promised myself to make, and all the food i've been eating.I doubt I want to squeeze the moolahs outta my piggy bank for this trip. I'm totally breaking bank this year.
2010 is quite a compressed year filled with activities, mostly for a wardrobe stock-up and tummy fillers. But yeah it's cool, i've learned to be patient. It doesnt feel right to leave just yet. And so I won't.

I've tossed and turned, slept and dreamt, googled and fantasized, and then finally oh finally I came to conclude my ultimate holiday destination. Before I decided on where to go, my goal was to complete Southeast Asia, head to Europe, visit friends in the states, but then I thought I will eventually do so anyway, so wtf is the rush kan? Just go easy, put a dot on the map already.
The dot on the map belongs to "Isla de Pascua" also known as Easter Island. I'm sure many have heard about its mysterious nature, but not yet been. It's a special territory of Chile and is infamous for its oddball statues. I checked out the images and honestly, it looks like you're in a Mario game set with all those big ass villain heads. I guess I want to go someplace random and unique? It's not about being different, it's about being there.

It looks like a sensational place to be. Like I just wanna picnic there and sip on my lemonade and enjoy the view. Like just friggin chill the hell out with a friend and the rest of the man made homies around. There's this online astrologer I assign my mind to for accurate readings, predictions, etc blah. So they listed several vaca spots for me to explore and do a little bit of soul searching in. Some I've been a few years back and some were too bloody dangerous to go to. Then I saw South America, then it led me to pulau Easter. :) Mainly, it's Easter Island, and on the light side I would like to check out the countries around Chile, like Bolivia, Peru, Argentina, etc..the countries that are always featured in Miss Universe pageants. I have to check it out! Ah was just checkin out the flight details, fuck its not cheap!
And here's a googled pic of Chile. Shit, so pretty.

So I feel like going there next Easter? I'm sure they decorate the island or form some sort of little Polynesian island party. I can't wait already mon, South America it is. whoopee!

TIll then, I'll be TRYING to save the means. HAVE TO!

Who wants to come with? :)

Make do with 2010

2010-01-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since i've blogged.
Works been "quite" hectic.
Life's been "quite" busy.

So now i'm free enough to doodle a lil sum'in sum'in.

The year 2010. I've always made resolutions prior to the new year. Well for the past 5 years I have. And in the end, the list always seems similar to me and never crossed off. Which means I have failed the challenge to complete list.

Things I wanna do this year

-shop in Bangkok for a whole years supply
-visit fam more often
-finish my work waaaaaaaaaaaaay before the deadline, not a day before it
-Climb KK
-make it for the back to back weddings
-lose weight, trim sides
-take up pilates
-settle payments on time
-cut down on beer (seriously)
-cook
-let interesting people into my life
-calm down and dont let temper rule mind
-read the dusty books
-not bitch too much
-pick up a new hobby

Yeah that about it for now. The challenge starts tomorrow.
Toods.

not a cloudy Monday

2009-12-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

What a lovely morning.
What a lovely Monday (Im serious)

I checked into work late today.
Got in at 10.30am to be accurate.
Thats an hour plus late.

Then again, it's not the first time its happened. Blame it on the alarm. It's suppose to alarm me but no...it put me to deep sleep instead. Useless.

But i do love today's Monday. December 14, 2009. Memorable because of a pretty eventful weekend.

My eventful weekend (eventful to me)

-played some pool at wine @ nine
-big2'd to the early am at wine @ nine
-managed some pints and my Grilled Salsa Chicken at Deutsche Gasthaus, TTDI
-went for Dome's All Day BIG ass breakie
-Met an interesting soul
-got some work done, most of it actually
-suppose to go skytrekking but bailed out in the end cuz of meds
-Mums Birthday, wished her for being the coolest
-Now knows why magnificent fish and chips is magnifique?
-played pool at ballroom, another yuppy guppy spot, empty as hell
-went to Reggae Bar off petaling street for the first time ever. chilled out to a shisha, gulped a carlsberg, and lost a game of british pool
-received a cute ass bong from Krabi land, compliments from Shanice
-bought a KFC happymeal set that comes with a mini Doraemon figure in a house
-couldn't stop laughing when Iron Chef came on
-is definitely not smarter than a 5th grader either. Tough show, brainy kids.

This weeks going to be good because it's like the last week to survive through before leave, leave, leave.

Christmas back home in Jakarta.
New Year's with Murti in Bangkok.

I'm smiling already.

-still have to add in my previous getaways before i forget about it for life

The Langkawi Lamp post :)

2009-09-10T20:02:00.001-07:00
Langkawi dulu

The actual date of trip: 29 Aug-31st

Just for keepsake, I want to remember my lamp post moments in Langkawi.

as usual, my blanket a.k.a IBU JANE'S follow me everywhere, provided if there's enuf space for it to crash.

I loved the whole alone time with hot earls and drags by the balcony. I enjoyed it so much. Loved the fact that I didn't have to take care of any dugongs for the weekend. Just chill, watch the trees, and be a certified loner. Plus the TV was out, it just wasn't workin. And I knew it wanted me to have an actual holiday by not allowing me to grip on any form of news updates or shows..etc. Even my room left me alone man. I loved it. I didn't bother to call anybody for chit chats. Didn't miss anyone either. Just felt like fuckin the world yknow.

My balkon of wisdom

I went with my cousy Janice and her bf Thomas.
Initially, it was suppose to be my cousin and i bumming on the shores. But her thom-thom wanted in (and im sure it was for romantic reasons)plus to me they look like two fresh oysters. So yeah I get it and I didn't mind me, myself, and I time either. The space was worth it.

Foodie galore! Yeah we visited Orchid Ria once again for the fluffball giant prawns, the crabs, the ikan goreng bawang putih, and well it tasted better than the other time. I wanted to try the kampung huts selling tomyam and ikan bakar, but the rain wasn't giving in. What a bitch man. But okay who am i to complain when seafoods on my plate. Orchid Ria is commercialized as hell, one of the shareholders are superbly rude and if you ditch em, they won't even notice cuz its always occupied with people anyways. Their lucky their seafood is fresh and up to par with the Balinese siput restos. Lucky asses. Cuz if it wasn't, I just wonder how nice he will be to us. He is rude, assholic, and disrespectful. Three things you should never be when serving your customers. When they want a seat, you don't ask em WHY they want a gaddamn seat, you wipe the rain off and bring it over. He complains. What uncle is this man? I swear he's not an old man, he's an asshole in disguise. I have so much respect for older ppl but that old hag deserves to be kung pao'd. x[

When the food arrived, i couldnt help but smile and eat my ass off. After 20 minutes of the grumpy disaster.

Yummy ass crabbbbbbss

Then of course we met our bud Thierry Phal. He owns the Yellow Cafe, a gorgeous place with pretty balinese hammocks, bamboo ceilings, rustic lamps, and yellow couches of comfort. Just stayed there for hours chilling, mumbling, laughing, chilling all over again. You should really just bum on the floor and stretch your legs to his thai cushion thingi. awesome shit.

The Yellow Cafe

the kuning couch

Balinese hammock, so innovative dontcha think?

Not to mention our trip to UNDERWATERWORLD LANGKAWI. It was so-so. There were no goddamn dugongs to see. There was this awesome jelly fish tho. there were those grumpy penguins featured in happy feet too and some other little unique beings :)

My favorite creature. Forgot what type of Jellyfish tho. But I would call em the X-RAYed Jellyfish clan

me chilling with my homie

the grumpy breed

The mighty Sting Ray. It just always takes my breath away. Gorgeous creatures.

DOMINO DAMSELFISH. DAMN. what a fuckin funny name.

It was raining. So I did not toast. Yeah saddie ay, plus it wasn't the right time of the month either.
I didn't get to indulge in water sports, parasailing.

Here's a shot of janice/nyonya penguin/janite up high in the air

hahahahah

To wrap it up

Warning: Swine Flu is hazardous. Cover up like me. (okay I want popcorn n ribena now)

haha..im so lame.

It's Friday today, happy happy joy joy!

Okay, thats all folks.

the dragger i am

2009-08-27T01:56:00.000-07:00
Yknow one of those days when you set a post-it to remind/tell u what to do but you don't end up doing it and u realize you're such a slob by Sunday.

Well this week, I didn't need no post-it. I just suddenly remembered, bothered, to do the one thing i've been dragging on for so long. To service my car.
And I did just that and oh lookie what they gave me in return for servicing, a prebiotic Alla Fonte drink all wrapped up with some other souvenirs. How thoughtful. I was thirsty. And boy the Mandarin Orange Flavour really did grace on my tastebuds nicely. Yumster.
It's thursday, i'm bored in the cube, but it does feel good to have my machine back in action. Now i can plan long back n forth trips or perhaps just drive my day away. I was just thinking of SUVS. And now im wondering why i'm stuck with my sedan. hmm..SUVS are awesome, you can fit people in, shop for ur groceries in bulk, and travel on rocky roads without feeling sorry for the poor guy. Below my car there are scratches, countless numbers of em. It's almost like ART. Damn the shortie really. Anyways I love driving when the roads are empty. And i love the sight of empty parking spots, it just feels like freedom to park at the right spot at the wrong time.

I've been checking out "fuckyeah" tattoos and other tat sites. Some of em are ridiculously dumbo. Only a few deserve the right click "save picture as" effort. These are the cool few I right clicked "save picture as" on.

what a wise owl

this is inkhot.

this girl is awesome hot

spiritually dainty

I won't show the stupid ink blot pics. Incase the poopers threaten to sue me. And i dont want to explain why I dont like it to em cuz they wont get it. And they will probably blame me for saying it looks dumb. And I dont want em to beat me up either, cuz a majority of the f'd up inkblots look like they belong to roided bikers with friggin veins poppin out here and there. U bet im scared. And my daddy's no mafia.
I mean i know i dont have the rights to judge. But when i scrolled thru the hall of shame, i seriously thought it was ridiculous. Like "how in the fuck could you live with that?" type of ridiculous.

Okay i'll shut my trap and move on with my life. ahem.

Man, CHOKE-HyBRID sounds good.Taken from THE SPIRIT movie soundtrack. It's been months and I haven't choked just yet. Still ALLLL GOOOOOD. :D

Man, I can't wait to go home for shower power. And i can't wait to eat like vegetables, fruits, and have a glass of OJ. I feel like cheese too.
BINGING is what i do best, binge here and there till it becomes a full meal.
MMM..yumm..binge, sit back on the couch, and catch Anthony Bourdain in like a third world country lighting his cig or perhaps in Washington DC eating what you call a BURGER. I heart Bourdain's ability to describe just about anything in the most unique way ever. Yeah now i have to get his books. Since i love his language so much.

its time to go now.

He will be CHOPPED, just like the cooking show on T&L

2009-08-11T20:10:00.000-07:00
A puffy eye-bag night it was. No laughing dreams, no flying pigs, just an invisible blood battle.

This morning, my eyes were curry puffs. heated up, swollen, and curry angry. All from no sleep.

I swear relationships seriously give you eye bags and increase your nicotine intake.
Somehow, nicotine makes you feel better at times like these.

If only couples could just let things go easily and move on to a good night of sleep.
He prefers to stay with the temper, attitude, and move on to a rotten night of sleep.
I hate that, it's too lengthy n tiring.
It gets OLD. DUSTY. MOULDY. SOUR.

I'm pissed that I bothered myself to disrupted sleep.
I'm pissed that he's bugging the shit out of me.
I'm pissed that i've already apologized and his greed balls wanna suck more apologies out of me
More over i'm pissed cuz it takes quite a fuckin country for me to say "i'm sorry".
It makes me feel weak to say sorry, but I have learned when ur wrong, u just are. The more you make it sound like ur right, the more the guilt deepens and you do realize it down the argumentative road.

So i didn't take that road. Instead i blurted out the apology and oh goodness hell it wasn't ENOUGH. Fuck that, there's only so much I can do. And he is no KING. Nor is he anything significant.

Well, he played 'GOD' last night.
Believe me, it didn't work for nuts.

If he wants me to respect him, he should be mature about accepting the apology. If he wants to accept it and nudge it back to my face. I might as well pick on his fuckin balls. That's why the guilt is no longer in me.

C,mon if someone wants to make someone feel guilty, the last thing they should do is throw back an apology right after asking for it. That's why i'm a boiling tomato now. Cuz its nail-biting annoying. retarded. childish. And everything it shouldn't be.

This is my method of arguing. The memory spike.

"Whoever in discussion adduced authority uses not intellect but rather memory."
- Leonardo da Vinci-

This is his way on the trippin highway: The stupid shield

"He read partly for information, partly for comparison, partly for insight, partly for the sheer joy of felicitous statement.He delighted particularly inquotations which distilled the essence of an argument."

-Schlesinger, Arthur M(eier),Jr-

"Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless scrutiny of logic."
- William Ewart Gladstone-

What he lacks:

"I shall argue that strong men, conversely, know when to compromise and that all principles can be compromised to serve a greater principle."

-Andrew Carnegie-

What we BOTH LACK:

"Lower your voice and strengthen your argument."

-A Lebanese proverb-

There goes a never-ending battle. Sooner or later, i'll be able to make a script out of it. Yeah its long alright and there are episodes as well. I dont know what season we're up to now. But the Bold and Beautiful is not far off, no seriously.

ps. I can't believe i'm sharing this with Google.

Unlike my Marlys, he is worth quitting on.

A mental indigestion too

2009-08-09T20:24:00.000-07:00
Dearest

I've been feeling really gassy, lost, and intimidated easily as of late.
I do NOT know why. Pss.

I miss my friends?
Yeah totally. But why does missing cause indigestion? nah its last night's meatworks really.
I am really not feeling so good right now. I feel like a fat slob that just ate 3 rounds of korean barbeque at BONGA! And i did just that. I feel like i haven't been exercising much. And i've been doing just that.
I think i need to wake the shit outta my face and just go for the kill. Sweat the bitch numsayin? Just like swim. run. set a new diet for myself. Some fibrous goods if possible.

I haven't been doing much besides admitting myself to the cube. handing in work. then there's the occasional daydreamer side of me?

It was funny, last night i laughed real hard when i was sleeping. Then john woke me up, shocked me shitless with his face infronta mine. And it was dark. So he looked like some sad ass goblin. haha. And he started bursting out in flames of laughter, telling me that it was my laughter that killed him.
Whatevs mister. People have dreams. Just that I happen to bring them to reality in a scary chuckle. Puss-wuss :)

This beats my scary chuckle. Jayden's 1st. Aunty Doris made a book of her own quotes for him. Talk about humor back in the days, priceless.

Man I understand the power of facebook. It makes you miss ur friends more, it gets you in trouble, it naturally bitches about others, it also helps you get connected at the same time. But most of all is the missin bit. I miss me poyples!!!!

This blows major jobs man. All the girls and cliff gathering in Seattle, without me! Unfair! But u girls do look pretty tho including cliff. hehe..kangen choy-choys.

I can't wait to gather. But we're all like scattered here and there. Some in Bali,the rest in bangkok. Gimana dong? Settle for a place peeps. If not i'll just visit them next year aja. Tix are fixed for New years. ahhhh.

Ok i'm going to work now. The more pics i see on Deytas fb, the more i miss them monkeys.

peach out for now.

The week slipped on me.

2009-07-22T20:04:00.000-07:00
This weeks a butterfly.
I thought yesterday was Monday. (Yesterday was Wednesday)
And today's Thursday, close to Friday. :)

Well I went for a PUMA sale on Tues. I bought shoes, bags, shirts,and I'm so glad i got this indie-elephant sweater. Size L, but who gives really?

Pretty Les Elephant really is comfortable to wear.

John's friend gave us an annual planner. More like an organizer in chart form where you can erase, slot in, erase again the stuff that you planned for the year throughout. I think its sweet, i can't wait to organize my planning. It's like a bigger picture, rather than just focusing on month by month. I will start that on the 27th Monday.

Will my lovely weekend go to waste?

I'm just wondering, what to do this weekend?
It feels like time has slipped so fast down the calendar and its already SAT n SUN to plan out.

I didn't get enough time to plan properly. I do know Hennessy Artistry @ Bukit Kiara's on the menu. Since i adored my v.s.o.p last year, I know for a fact that i'll live life to the full this Sat.

But how about Sunday? I'm tempted to raid Massimo Dutti again. Perhaps i should just beat it and save till the pay kachings? Yep, kaching.

Honestly, people tell me that i want many things. Who gives, wanting is healthy. Gives you hope to live a certain lifestyle, to live up to standards you set for yourself.

This week, my super WANTS go to the basic minimal:

Brick. Stairs. Frames.

Cute wind chime.

Spacious whites.

A dining hall like this to eat in

ANother dining hall alternative to eat in

Corner filled with kiddy pillows

A place to watch weeds, californication, and Travel n Living :)

Wine bottles for Joe and Mur. Gnarly Head.

Last but not least, a kintamani puppy or any kampung or pedigree pups.

Tonight's plans?

Checking out Cloths and Clef's ONE year anniversary

Anyways, now i'm gonna go light up my death stick and contribute to pollution.

Toasted.

Jakarta in Order

2009-07-05T21:29:00.000-07:00
Went back home for the weekend. It was fast paced and there was a wedding. But lets just start off with it treat by treat.

ORDER 1

BUDDHA BAR @ MENTENG

Buddha bar is the ultimate bachelor pad to dress-up for. The whole local Indonesian scene belongs there. The place is filled with exotic beauties, celebs, models. It's just truly pleasurable for expats and locals. Although it is practically a club, you can still manage the relaxation. Really. There's something about the place, it gives really great sexy-sensual-silly vibes. Reminds me of those fancy cigar bars where everyones dolled up in suits and gowns busy blowing their Monte Cristo's as they make heavy conversation.The interior is Asian meets western. You got the hanging chandeliers and a very woody atmosphere gives it that mysterious effect. It's like you're clubbing in a temple (no offense to the religious ones). I know, what seems wrong always feels right. Well not like they took over a temple or anything, more of a colonial building. That makes it super cool. They did receive major complaints from their buddhist neighbors, but oh well the "Buddha" head symbol is infact universal. It sells, it gives off the eclectic effect. Expats dig it, which is why Buddha Bar is doing very well for Jakarta. It's the perfect late-night venture, the crowd's interesting, the place is unique, and the balance is there. Went there two nights in a row and did not regret it, music was good. DJ Ravin was spinning his buddha bar beats and i swear it was marvellous.Grungy-classy is the new way to go peeps. And to you neighbors, i suggest you hop on the buggy and spy your ass off.
They have a buggy service to take you from the carpark to the lobby of Buddha bar. And vice versa. Can u imagine how pampering that is? It is helpful for girls with nine inch nails though.

Crimson red-heads

Different types of Buddha heads, as u can see

Yeah we danced. Just like them dusty times.

Krispycake and I. haha I didn't take pics of our short "thriller" moments.

Check out the resto. Pardon the darkness..they didn't shine the light on Buddha. But yeah thats the fine dining bit, right above the Buddha Bar below. Its magnificent man.

If i loved cigars, i'd puff up here and feel like the King of the world. With my tea of course. Cigarettes just don't slice it.

In the buggy of course. hehe.

Then there's my worn down room that Klaud has conquered. We're planning to hack down the walls so it will appear bigger. Dont know if it will affect the weight or what not.

ORDER 2

THE STREET FOOD. MENTENG MANIA.

Don and Putput

ORDER 3

THE WEDDING BIT
on a beautiful SUNDAY. Teddy and Sinda's afternoon reception in their backyard.

The traditional bride

Me.Abu.Dono

me.saskia.krispycake

Bride and Groom say hello

By the way, just for adders. I bought a chalk board and i am loving it.
Gonna get one more for the kitchen. write my recipes and shit. :p

And it's a wrap.

the confused line-up

2009-07-01T20:17:00.000-07:00
I realized this blog always vents out anger. For a change. I should lessen down on the self-whining and proceed to personal enlightenment. Atleast when i re-scroll, my writing won't be too heavy-bitchy on me.

After a few years of getting to know KL city. Im starting to feel more at home actually. I am after all Malaysian. Ic semua ada. I never really bothered to decorate, paint, or do any major do-ups for my bedroom. But if u check out my room in Jakarta, it is filled with magazine cut ups, Esquire mag covers, favorite brands. Looks like a messy fashion hall of fame. Not to mention my Tim Burton goodies. When nightmare before xmas came out, i went insane, i put it on my xmas list of "i wants" to my friends. Forgot who bought it for me. Its one of my fava gifts. Anyways,that room gives me memories. And now when i go home, my sisters made it hers and stuffed it with her cool new bed. I dont even know where my old bed is. Plus my closets filled with crap too. Lots of old clothes, sheets, bags, and perhaps DUSTmites by now? Recently, I've been trying to make myself feel at home. So i started small. And since im renting a middle-room with the jakartans here in KL, it is quite a fitting size. not too spacious or tight either. Just nice for me. :) They can take the master, god knows what they do in it. Nice balkon juga, ihh. Rabbits!

The little doowops here.

My Buddha Shrine.

Close up of Buddha head and Magnolia bottle. Got the mag-bot from Ampang mall, Sunday = Market day. They have antiques and goodies. Some made-up some authentic.

I call this my 'HANGMAN'. Keeps things organized. easy to find. practical. Space saver too.

ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTE VODKA @ ZETA BAR, HILTON

An old event update. I'm writing about this cuz the ABSOLUTE VODKA party to me was amazing. I was busy self-servicing myself, didn't wanna leave the twilights and vodka-filled martini glasses. Just wanted to sit around, puff around, and take shots on an empty tum. But I went there with workmates and I didn't really talk much or bother, just wanted to shoot some absolutes solo style. :)

Lights, oh lights.

VODKA line up. Absolutely.

cold, fresh..u name it

The SPOON man, the SPOOOON. awesomeness.
Too bad I didn't steal it. It was worth the rob.

First check out the Esquire mag cover this month.
Brilliant ya think?

Haha, i just realized I don't put many pics up. Cuz im a big time bummer. But today, it will be up. 'RECENT' pics can mean months ago. for peeps like me. hehe. I have a camera, but I barely take shots. I should force myself to...make full use of it too. Nextime tho, here's a line up.

6th Newman Anniversary
Me. Celeste. Elya. The night ended well.

Barsonic Night out a few weeks back. Here's a row of em..haha I'm just so disorganized.

I am part Babboon part Malaysian. :D

Purr or roar you say Rach? I say neither neither.

Alright lunch break folks. TATA.

weekend doodle

2009-06-29T19:32:00.000-07:00
A MUST DO
TRIBUTE TO MJ
before weekend doodle.

Yeah you heard me, the talented freak show who so happens to be the King of our time. The bugger that E! channel has been criticizing for nearly a decade because it generates income and it makes people laugh (including myself). Plus he takes up the top-half of E’s 101 most shocking stories. He usually is the icing of that show too.
One episode about MJ dangling his newborn over the balcony, the other about his heartbreaking plastic nose, his hair blowing up in flames during one of his performances, and his paedophilic intentions of throwing slumber parties in Neverland. After laughing so hard, so much, till it nearly gave me abs by the way, his death really did take a toll on my perception. Not just me, I’m sure.

Everyone’s hogging the radio with lines like “tragic, tragic, really.” And before this they were all like “wtf is up with his nose man, what a freak” or “I ain’t letting my kids near that paedo.” It’s amazing how hypocritical everyone is, I blame it on E! mostly and other forms of media. Because I fell for it too.
The highlight of all E stories is our King of Pop Michael Jackson. Who passed away on Thursday at the age of 50. Apparently he collapsed in his pad, was sent to UCLA medical centre due to a cardiac arrest hence gave in to a coma, and stopped breathing. It’s confirmed alright. But I do think he will be back to give us some “black or white” action. Like the rise of MJ in the year 3000.

WHY OUR CONDOLENCES?

1.Face it, he is the King of Pop. He has moonwalked his popularity all over the world and his songs are inspirational.

2. It takes quite a set of balls to dye yourself WHITE! (although it also means super dupa major low self-esteem issues, but oh well, we feel sorry dont we?)

3. That guys been yelled at, screamed at, abused mentally and physically

4. He looks like he hasn't eaten for years

5. He lost his nose years ago

6. He takes up E! Channel's 101

7. Has his bodyguard to umbrella him under the hot sun (incase he melts)

8. Didn't have the chance to make his major comeback

9. Without MJ, you can forget about 'THRILLER, EARTH SONG, BILLIE JEAN, BEAT IT, DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME, SMOOTH CRIMINAL' (there's lots more)

Another tribute to Farah. And it's not tap water 'faucet' peeps.
ps: Here's to Farah Fawcett. She was one of the Charlie's angels. Indeed she was the curly-haired glamour but she was way before my time, but she did represent an era of golden curls, twiggy legs, big smiles, and the all American woman. So may she rest properly and go to heaven. She is an angel after all. :)

WEEKEND 26-28 june

Went to Singapore to check out the great sale with MAMMIO. Figured it wasn't so great, bought something 10% off. And they were STEVE MADDEN sandals. Still a lil pricey but if i bought it anywhere else, it's gonna cost a tsunami. Yeah, thats all i bought. And i was looking for beef stix but they didn't have it. Boo hoo to that.

The highlight of the trip was going back to JB. I miss Jb. Absolutely love how the town makes me feel. Notorious as it may seem, ghetto, dodgy too but always my Mother's hometown. So technically, its my hometown too. I have a lot of childhood memories planted there. In the past, we used to visit Gramps and Grans at the Kebunteh house and go out for family dinners at LUCKY restaurant in Tebrau. Then all the cousins would just gamble with the cards or play badminton outside the garden.There was a routine, thats why I liked visiting. Foods great too, I know Penang is popular with the dishes, but JB does have its awesome food.

I can't wait to go home. I miss my friends, the cafe hopping, the cheap cigs, the clubs, the music, the family, the shoppang.

Of all the things in the world, my mums been bugging me to buy MARMITE back home. I'm just like heh? MARMITE? thats all? And you're pestering me on it like I have to sign some papers. Marmite it is then. I LOVE MARMITE TOO. hehe :D BOVRIL blows. VEGEMITE so-so. boleh-boleh. So lets leave it at that. There are pics but i need to upload em first. too malesh.

Laters.

This weeks a total downer..well so far.

2009-06-09T21:00:00.000-07:00
Cramp de la cramp is back to give me some bad moodswings.

I haven't been writing for quite a while now. It's been a tough week for me, moving here and there, feeling sick and having to deal with many annoying faces around my face is not exactly the easiest task in the world.

I thought about my life. How I always make time for my friends and how most of them take advantage of that, thinking that I'll always be there for them.And the one day I can't make it, they act as though I've missed out on some special occasion. Puhlease.
And the worst thing is when i get to the core of their problem, they start whining even more and more. That fuckin drives me nuts. Everyones self-centered, but hey sometimes I keep my worries in and try not to care about my own issues too much. I get sick talking about my troubles, worries, regrets, stress. What's the point talking so much about yourself? You already know everything there is to know about yourself.

This is how the conversations go with most of em (in general).

Me: Hey are you alright, wutts up?
Anonymous: Oh..um nothing really.
Me: Aite.
Anonymous: I've been damn stressed out yknow bel, boss and clients killing me to the maximum core! I can't take it, i wanna go die. (this happens nearly everyday. The 'i wanna die' part. Then you got the big wavy gestures of hands, constipated expressions. yada yada)
Me: Dude, just chill out man...what do you expect. You're in the line of work. And you like it too.
Anonymous: I love my job, I just hate it though.
Me: uhuh.
Anonymous: Anyways enough about me, how about you? Life good?
Me:Well um...yeahh...holding on to the pole
Anonymous: And you know that day, they kept bitching in the office. I really wanna go and fuck em till they die. Hate those stupid clients. Ahhhhh!
Me: Yep
Anonymous: (goes on from square one to square one)

Then you got the self-praisers (these are the biggest losers of them all)

Anonymous: Hey bel you gonna go for the event?
Me: No i wasn't invited.
Anonymous: Howcome? They dont know you? Well, they know me cuz i'm special (and she means it..pfft..)
Me: Aite whatevs
Anonymous: So how you want the invite or not? I just ask and i'll get it for sure. But you'll be with the regulars. Im in VIP.
Me: sure thing, as long as i get to chill im cool.
Anonymous: But you wont get to enjoy the VIP privileges. You'll be squashed down there with all of em. haha..You know one of the owners dig me, so they just give me passes whenever. He kept trying to get into my pants and i told him NO. I mean, he was so fuckin ugly to begin with and besides..i only go for hot guys. I won't even settle for OKAY-LOOKING.
Me: yeah yeah (wondering if she's ever mirrored herself, she ain't that great either)

Even if you were awesome looking, it's such a super duper turn-off to say such things. That's more rotten than spoilt. It's just a roll-on-the-floor omfagging lord.

Then you got the one-liners.

Me: So hey what did you do today?
Anonymous: Nothing much. You?
Me: Oh work. lunch. dinner with u right now.
Anonymous: Oh ok. cool.
(silence for a very long time in fact)
Me: So umm...whats up with life, hows it going for ya?
Anonymous. Good. You?
Me: Great, I learned how to make pizza today. Got slashed on drinks in barsonic lastnight too. You been there?
Anonymous: Sometimes i go. Sometimes i don't.
(silence AGAIN for a very long time, its not even awkward anymore)
Me: So what did you eat? (ran out of questions to string)
Anonymous: Oh just a chicken pie (utters and keeps silent again)
Me: (I think fuck this shit, i ain't wasting my time. I'm going home.)

And before i forget, the emo-beggars (I call em emo-beggars because they indirectly beg for sympathy, recognition, the whole bag of goodies they dont deserve. And it ain't trick or treat, u aint gonna get shit.)

Me: Hey wat is up?
Anonymous: I'm not feeling too good man
Me: Cmon lighten up, its just a phony issue
Anonymous: No its not bel, u dont understand. I gave her my all. I did everything I could.
Me: Yeah so chill out, ur obviously not in the wrong.
Anonymous: You dont get it. Im pissed off.
Me: Pissed off? Over small shit like that? its not a big deal
Anonymous: Cuz you dont know what im feeling inside
Me: Okay tell me then. (holy shit, wtf)
Anonymous: I deserve better than this bel, really do. I gave my all to all my friends, they treat me like dirt. I even protect them, bash up the boys if i could. I used to be gangster..dont be fooled..better watch out before i get violent.
Me: (lost in translation) sorry?
Anonymous: Ah nevermind. I just need to get laid la.
Me: who with?
Anonymous: If i wanna get laid, i dont have a problem la. You see my phonebook? Its loaded with hot chicks that would lay me. All i need to do is give em a ring and they'll be there.
Me: Then why are you here with me?
Anonymous: Cuz i dont feel like getting laid with the hotties.
Me: But you just said you wanted to.
Anonymous: Ahh..intro me to some hotties dude.
Me: Let ur phonebook do the intro man. since ur all pro and shit.
Anonymous: That's right, but just not today. tired la.
Me: Uhuh seriously whatever man
Anonymous:you just don't know what i've been through bel, u have no clue.
Me: whaaa??? (you have no brain, thats that)

You see that? It's unbelievable. That guys truly an ass with no brains. I mean I dig assholes and cocky guys. But thats different, thats just plain dumb.

There are actually people like that. The ones who waste your time in different ways. Not worth the listen. Not worth the thought actually.

I used to be cool watching friends self-fuck themselves. Now, it's growing a little mundane and I keep thinking about watching Travel & Living to find out whats cooking with Anthony Bourdain. Honestly, that's much more entertaining? I don't feel like making time for people anytime, anywhere, whenever, wherever? I used to be that easy to get into hang-outs. I really wanna slow down so I can like chill out, scrub my feet or what not.

The only time i'll truly hang out is if I truly FEEL like hanging out.
Man I think its time to cut my hair before I go all hobo on myself. The split-ends are making its way, the chipped nails, the eye rings, the bad diet, the sun. I feel like a gondrong master.

This week has had plenty of bad moments. One was last night as I was tuned into 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'. It is by far the worst chick flick I have laid eyes on. THe direction was so tacky, the clothes worn were so 'AUNTY', and I found the entire movie a big flop. The only solid idea was the talking/moving mannequins. Yeah that was pretty much creative. But all in all, bad. sour. bitter. boring. I didn't really like 'Devil Wears Prada' either, but after having suffered through this one...i gotta hand it to devil wears prada for doing a good job.

Cheers peeps. Im off for lunch.

It's all about them triple 'M's aint it?

2009-05-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

MUSIC. MIRI. MOJITOS.

The Miri Jazz festival took place on the 8-9th May, 2009 and you bet that long weekend of work paid my happy ass off.

It was an awesome weekend of booze, buzz, and blabbering. Just sitting by the day and not bothering about tick-tocks was seventh heaven for me, as compared to having my ass glued in a cube and scrolling through the occasional google, fb, and google all over again, yes this was an absolute twist.

Despite the sun burn i brought back from pulau perhentian, I was happily surviving the heat out in Miri. The beach wasn't to die for but if you just look at it for what it was aligned with pretty palm trees, you're already escaping from the usual city life. So nothing to complain about there. But it was funny how Pascal was telling me that in France they take their beaches real seriously and even offer awards for the cleanest ones around. And then I thought to myself, just look at our bloody government. If there's barely any hope for the people, what more for a space of sand and waves? Ok, lets just scratch that.

Anyhoos the trip itself was very cultural and different for me. I am Malaysian, but I've never been to East Malaysia before and I personally rate it as a magnificent getaway. There's some sort of steady-relaxing-air about it. In the past, it was not cuz I never bothered to pay or book, it's just that the people in my circle prefer to get out of the country. When really, they just missed out on the word AWESOME right there. And here's a bitchy smile to them peeps who never bothered to go :)

Anyways,the chirpy bunch got their handicrafts and special Sarawakian souvenirs. I, on the other hand, bought dream weavers (pua kumbu) for Joe and Mur to help them ward off the bad aura, spirits, and to design sponge their L.A pad. I love getting ornaments and handicrafts for the house. And everywhere I go, a purchase must be made. Think of it as a stain on my time line.

this is how you pack Miri into a suitcase...

I absolutely enjoyed the city tour, making stops to the temple and watching Richard pay his religious dues for WESAK day was so interesting. Richard, is by far the biggest social whore in Malaysia. And I'll bet my ass on it that he ain't just a social magnet in KL, i'm sure he's a Global social whore. It's as if he's got all the continents behind his back there. And Richard, if you're reading this, it's actually a good thing. I am not one to backbitch. By the by, where are all those pics of you camwhoring? I didn't camwhore, i just followed your lead. And my oh my im sure they turned out to be slutty-slutty huh. :D

The temple was cool. They had like oriental tea tables out in the open, perfect for my regular Sunday brunches.

ANYHOOOOSSSS....

I can't help but relate to Joe's I double quote " " SINGAPOREAN" " joke. It was simple but it really had me there. I tested it on my city pals here and oh boy how they went crazy like a bunch of bitchslaps.

Here goes:

Where? Alfresco Cafe
When? The First night

Joe: Bel, what is the best beer in the world?
Me: Hmm...Heineken? (since i'm holding one)
Joe: Nope!
Me: Tiger beer? (because it's the best to me)
Joe: Close but nope. (impatient to burst out the answer already)
Me: Hoegarden? (already giving up on Joe's joke)
Joe: Nope, close but nope.
Me: Okay dude, i seriously give up man. (waiting for the sadness)
Joe: Its.......(suspense, drums rollin..)..FREE BEER!
Me: (gobsmacked in silence)

And as I was enjoying the first night of the fiesta with my yummy Mojito's, he threw the joke in again.

Joe: Bel, what's the best drink in the world?
Me:Um...mojito? (enjoying my mojito)
Joe: Nope
Me:Iced lemon tea?
Joe:haha nope... free drinks!
Me: whatevs.

I didn't learn.

As it narrowed down to the first day of the Jazz Fest, I just felt really light-headed. Like I just wanted to let the breeze take control, let the music define the night, and of course let the several cups of MOJITO poison my night away. It did. It was a graceful event filled with talented people who really REALLY can't see how brilliant they are on stage. It would be cool to be musically inclined like the band boys. Too bad though cuz I enjoy being a part of the audience too much. :P
Damn, and the second day was just another great night of goodbyes. The last taste you'll ever have of spectacular Jazz and yummy mojitos. Thoughts of going home to the city was one helluva frown. I definitely did not take this journey for granted, I granted it fully instead. :D

the mojito line

The MIRI cup!

Game: French Dites vs Australian alamodes
Score: 3-1

Alamode wins and takes back the invisible trophy. Dites34? Well, they looked happy. :P

Now i'm back here, missing the Miri air. Wishing I got the chance to renew this feeling. And i'm not sure if i'll be attending rainforest fest, seems like the accommodations are pancaked on the list. I think i'm just going to sit back this time. Get myself on track, still feeling a lil too relaxed. Yeah, right now I am airheaded.

Anyways, I will try to concoct my very own mojito mix too with the help of some guinea pigs around town perhaps? Yes, yes.

Cheers to Mojito's peeps, like to real good Mojito's.

Love, MRS.MOJITO

Crispy lives on 25

2009-05-05T02:05:00.000-07:00
25 things about Perhentian Island.

1. First time there
2. Clear crystal-aqua waters (can't see my feet tho, must be body pollution)
3. loved the first night of King fish and garlic butter sauce (to die for)
4. Enjoyed Hennessy vsop by the balcony while shooting to cards
5. Was determined to get a golden tan, ended up with peels and scales here and there
6. Butts still white
7. Souvenir: Perhentian sand stuck to my bali bag
8. They don't sell marlys there. not convenient
9. Played paddle-pop
10.Dug my toes into sand as planned
11.Plunged in the salty water more than 15 times. It beats those enthusiastic tourists.
12. Enjoyed the barbeque-tenggiri fish
13. Just realized i have a thing for seafood.
14. Stoned up everyday
15. There was a really HOT diver. the hell is he from man? he's so bloody hot. crazy.
16. Has regrets about skipping the snorkel-will do for sure the next time around
17. Also regrets on not collecting the pretty corals to decorate bowl
18. Enjoyed the speedboat, it was like a disney ride
19. Didn't enjoy the cheap vodka.
20. Loves Melissa's 'Monkey Juice' theory. The whiskeys actually called 'Orang utan'
21. Didn't bring orang utan home. :(
22. Needs to constantly aloe her skin out, hurts like a bitch
23. Needs to seriously lose weight after the constant food binging
24. Greatest thing: Jumped off the bridge into the ocean. Felt like a cool schwimma. Made up my own double twist. :D
25. Had fun with the girls, does not regret this 4 day getaway. it was worth every ringgit

Stuck in the cube, cotton shirt stinging the pores of my skin. I swear, nobody wants this. But it always happens. I take sunblocks for granted. Never bother, prefer to go for that hawaiian junk tan thing.

Tip: Do not race your skins color. You will end up peeling back into the original chip you once were.

the past has drugged my thoughts. I like it though.

2009-04-12T19:06:00.000-07:00
Jakarta got me thinking.
This is my home, where everything happened. The city that has inspired me in so many ways. Two days back home served as a reminder for all the corners, roads, malls, cafe's, gardens, and places I've shared awesome times in. Just by sightseeing through your car window, your eyes and thoughts serve as a journal/diary. Page by page.

I viewed the life i once lived and the current one I was in.

And damn....

22 years in the making.
22 years of my life has passed me by from the baby footsteps that have walked the earth up to the sandals and wedges that stride through the halls, malls, cafe's and clubs of today.

Just imagine, all those years of experience coming back to you. Simply priceless.

All those kids going crazy on swings, swinging to fun.
All those memories of naive kisses and sick puppy dovey love.
All those old-school films with intimate scenes you were oblivious to cuz daddy made you go to the study room so he could hog it with mum.
All those balcony climbs and kiddy guerilla tactics.
ALL those dodgeball games and loud cries from the victims
ALL those beautiful trips and smiles from a two buck shop
ALL those zoos and animals you wanted to keep as pets and ma-pa said 'How do we fit it in?'
ALL those trips on rollercoasters and rides
ALL those early morning pancakes mum had time to make
ALL those thoughts of no stress and worries
ALL those cooking n arts n craft clubs u were in to feel like you belonged
ALL those nights when Daddy made you sing a duet with him
ALL those highschool day sleepovers
ALL those highschool day gossips and jokes
ALL those dumb-ass break ups and great company
ALL the memories of nonsense, friendship, innocence, vulnerability, and pure-drug fun. All goes into an everlasting list.

My everlasting list that is.

I miss the past. Whatever happens in the past is good for your future. There is no such thing as whatever happens in the past, remains there. To me it's whatever happens in the past remains a drug in ur present thoughts. No matter how happy, angry, or sad of a pokerface you are, you see who you were and who you wanted to be and compare a similar moment or feel. My trigger of the past? Perfumes. Every perfume I have, I keep the bottles for both looks and memories of the past. For example, my last perfume Eternity by CK. It gives me memories of this one guy. And how charismatic and charming he was to me. Sexy, yet obedient. Escada-Island brings back my college days with friends and our spontaneous trips. Estee Lauder-Pleasures gives me the old-school church days of cathecism classes, summer school, and ice cold cool-aid and roll-ups. This is really making me smile. But no pressure, it remains a non-fiction part of my life that I have moved on from. But hey, I still get my occassional cool-aids and roll ups. And what's great about it is that it still tastes the same. There are some things in life that should not move on, because if they do, they will go bankrupt.

There's so many things stirring me up. Stressing me out. Of course i hate overdosing on stress. So, i'll try to keep things with the flow. I'm the type of person that gets agitated easily and I refuse to let time take its course. I want to kick time in the butt and take situations in my course. I want to control it by my actions and words of pisdom. I am quite the impulsive cookie. Not good. I always feel that time doesnt do things for u and u must beat it by doing what your instincts tell you to do before time decides on ur fate. So far, it's been alright. I will try to keep the cool-aids rolling. It's just so scary how if you turn left here, there are chances you will have a different day than if you had turned right. Or if you pick this cafe or that one? mind bugging ain't it. Sometimes, when i refuse to go here and there, I try to just force myself out of spontaneity, afraid I might miss out on the time of my life. I haven't had one cuz i've had many good times in a row until i'm desperate to find that OOONNNE BIIIIG kick ass time.
Alright, i am starting to be a typing-active brat.
Better stop right about now.
peace.

Yo wat is up fairy?

2009-04-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

now isn't that ad cute. It obviously doesn't apply here.

Wanna know what's new in town?

Last week or so, I went for the launch of La Clandestine and Angelique Absinthe at Werners.

The event was so-so. But the cocktails were yumsters man. I think absinthe is a pretty sinful drink if taken advantage of. But if you know how to appreciate the wormwood and drink it respectively, it'll be a sweet dream.

I thought the drink was born in Prague. What do you know? Switzerland's the motherland.

La Clandestine-blanche absinthe

blue.solid.cold.

I quote that "it is the only absinthe handcrafted in the village where absinthe was born. It's creator, Claude Alain has won the Golden Spoon for the fourth consecutive year, at the remarkable The Absinthiades in Pontarlier, France"

Angelique-genuine Verte Suisse absinthe

Doesn't it look like you're drinking a bunch of fairies?

I quote again that "it is distilled using 12 plants, including angelica and grande wormwood from Val-de-Travers. Steeping a mixture of aromatic plants in the distillate produces its natural colour"

There was this cocktail my tastebuds absolutely adored. It was called JADED. Taste like mojito, except a bitchier one. Good for the soul though.

Recipes:

Jaded Cocktail

30ml La Clandestine Absinthe
15ml Monin Passion Fruit Syrup
20ml Boiron White Peach Puree
1 nos Lime Wedge
Ice Cube

Mix all ingredients into mixing glass & shake. Strain content into a 12oz catalina/sling glass. Garnish with lemongrass stalk and mint sprig.

Doesn't that just sound practical? It's good though. I'm only gonna give you one recipe cuz the other cocktails weren't up to my liking. Just don't drink it neat, unless you want to challenge the gimmick bullshit to prove its real. By all means, thumbs up to u.

It's sweet, so it taste better than all the shitty liquor out there. I'm a beer drinker but absinthe has made its way with me. Perhaps its psychologically sweet?
MAYBE.

This is the image Absinthe has spread to the world so far.

FLIGHT OF THE GREEN FAIRY

This is the fairy you suppose to be buddies with when you've been absinthe-fucked.

Gotta admit though. It is a gorgeous sight when high. I guess we have to really believe in it to see it? haha

Oh well i'm on a detox period now. No hoegarden or tiger at the moment. I dont get how people love stout? It tastes like shit. Oh well our tastebuds all have different opinions. Respect. No absinthe for now either.

I didn't take any of these photos, i googled it. im a cheat. But these were the actual products of that launch EXCEPT the ones with fairies humpin on it.

tata greenfairies

Listmaker? more like listbreaker!

2009-04-01T21:03:00.000-07:00
25 things derived from fbook notes. Someone created it. Not a hard thing to do, but to me it's a success for personal reasons. I try to list out 25 things weekly. Daily would be a thumbs up. I like listing short points for a change. Instead of having to use conjunctions all ze time. In 25 points, its more accurate to tell the things u want, need, and are thinking of in a short period of time.

So here are the twenty five things i feel like listing down

1. I miss listening to Jewel

2. I promised sari ratu nasi padang in kota damansara will be either today or tomoro's dinner

3. Has got to keep praying for mummy's health

4. Can't wait for that BB javelin so I can use those cute condoms number 2 bought for me

5. I will always love INCUBUS, even when they go mainstream and annoying fans out there act like they love em, when really its just Brandon they love

6. I'm getting that buddha tattoo regardless-Sorry lord. i have a spiritual connection with buddha heads.

7. Has to crack up "The TEMPLE" book

8. Misses having meaningful conversations, suffocating laughter, and crazy tumbles

9. Just realized i have no ultimate playground/sanctuary to rant/release thoughts in

10. Needs to drive around town or away from it----ALONE

11. It's been more than 10 years since mum and dad split. Felt like it just happened.

12. as the rush comes-armin

13. Wants to travel: eat and drink whatever comes her way

14. Thinks Chris Cornells third solo album 'Scream'is a hardcore suicide-how unfortunate for such a good lookin chap

15. It's been 5 years and Stacey Kent still helps me chill out

16. Pancakes, jam, whipped cream, block of butter. my seventh heaven

17. finally tried Absinthe. where were them green fairies?

18. loves esquire magazine covers

19. Doesn't know what to get for Brenda for her bday. hmm...toughie tricky

Perhaps a beautiful whacky slap of flowers?

20. Needs to cut down on em deathstix

21. Will throw that sandwich margarita day by the poolside

22. Doesn't wanna go home after work. wants tea in a nice tea place

23. Animal of the day-DUGONG

24. Destination of the day-Cambodia :)

25. "I like" of the day:

1.orange juice 2. iced water 3. hot milo 4. guava juice 5. lemonade 6. Beer 7. poison 8.milk 9.Coca cola So cool huh? well its not super creative, but hey i like things organized and labelled. Life's neater that way. Too bad it's not mine, but someone elses. www.designspongeonline.com (check it out, if you like the concept of magnificent "here and there's")

Ok im done with this exercise. Going for a smoke, forget 20.

Rooster off to puff.pics take too long to upload. so there are only a few from ur loser blooger. ME.

To all the chinese barbie's out there

2009-03-17T02:17:00.000-07:00
It amuses me to find that some people are so plastic, fake in and out man. Now how did you end up so alien? Shit. How could they lie about their lifestyle, face, and brands? How could they insult their parents by being absolute lying maniacs. I swear that whole hilton craze and all those blondie's have really affected Malaysian women on a whole pizza pie. Here you see chinese girls with long blonde hair, branded items, and hideous designer clothes that are a stepback of a label too old. That's sadder than dying, well to me it is. I ain't perfect shit. I just don't get it, why all these women would suffocate every inch of pain, bleach, and fakeness to be beautiful when really they LOOK beautiful with just casual jeans and a shirt. I mean i dig tank tops and short pants or jeans. I dig summer dresses. But what i dont dig is butt hugging-crack showing mini shorts with horrible cleavage disasters.

People are always aiming to be the best. But since when did the best mean imitating those American highschool films with bimboistic cheerleaders, dumb blonde stereotypes, and such? Girls here love it. And that is why i'm complaining, cuz they ain't white and no matter how much they try, ASIAN is the word.
No, blonde hair is not bad, if you look good with a shaved set or short hair, i guess you can pull off the word EDGE. But either way, it just ain't nice. Like you come home with platinum hair and your parents will be like "Holy shit, you ain't white, you chinese" Or perhaps I slide more to the conventional. Hey I dyed my hair, but I wouldn't go platinum, the most i'll go is what a dark chestnut red?
These girls are bleaching themselves overall. They are bleaching their characters, lifestyle, looks, dogs, clothes, food, and what do you get in the end? You end up looking EVEN MORE chinese girls.

So hard to find originality in women these days. You club, then you see a buncha weirdos with combat boots making their way through puddles of mud and craters. On top of that, you realize that KL isn't what it used to be like. It's not filled with the humble and honest. It's just filled with like all these people fighting for fame, fighting for the limelight. Like dude, who cares? Don't you just care about what barsonics gonna play or some shit? Or the long island tea you're gonna get boozed by? Or your friends personal issues? People have long forgotten the importance of having fun. Now its like I go to zouk to look hot and be seen and heard. WTFever mang. I am drooling tears just mentioning. Okay perhaps drooling tears inside. Man it is quite sad? There's a difference between wanting to feel hot and sexy once in a while, but heck don't just walk around parading in 'I'm still hotter, omg he's staring at me..ew he's a stalker" Dude, i heard that when i was lining up. And that dude wasn't staring at you or any of your mates. He was just being a usual dick, yknow looking at your racks, then after that scanning the entire club for more racks? Don't get all "im the shit!". Ahhh. funny shit. How can one compliment themselves on someone of which they are a stranger to's actions? Only he knows if he was staring at ya. YOu? You're full of shit. That's all i can say.
I'm in a really pissy mood man. My boiling point must have reached its point.

Fashion. Brands. Lifestyle. That's the life to live. But if you overdo it, it just means you aint living any one of the three. Doesn't matter if you have brands on u, or if you are wearing fashion, or possess the lifestyle of the rich and famous..If you overdo, u end up a FAKE. You must enjoy these three things, not flaunt em. Like when i buy a bag, its cuz i really friggin like the bag, cuz i like the outlook, the edge, the roar in it..and i think it might suit my personality. But i ain't gona compare it to the other mamasitas in terms of price, size, accessories...wahtever. You like the bag, you like the bag. Just don't thrust your shit all ova my face bitch. Then I guess me and alotta other women out there will be cool. I am so glad my parents didn't raise me up this way, didn't spoil me in any manner to lead to being made of plastic instead of muscles, tissue, and skin. I am human. I am laughing in awe to that, because it really does phew me.

The pic of my lounging night out. Enjoyable, rainy, and chuckly.

It just won't subside

2009-03-16T12:50:00.000-07:00
It's a Monday and I bet in a few hours, rooftops, roads, and slopes will be flowing with god's tears.

I'm at home, thinking about my weekend. Waiting to visit either a neurologist or just a general prac. At first I thought it was vertigo, now i know. It's a typical Migraine. Typical as it is, it comes with a hell lot of pain and suffering. I picked my sister up from the airport yesterday and I had hot light flashes and lost my grip on reality. There are mnay types of migraines, mines due to either stress or irregular menstrual cycles and etcetera.

It's really common, but the combo's don't come common. I've been having it for a long time. It is unpredictable and it comes in a wave. you can't prepare for it, don't think you can permanently avoid it. Psychological stress is the root of the problem, it creates tension and different patterns in blood flow. What you eat is also what you get. I eat plenty of tyramine, stuff that are preserved, salted, sweetened. Those contain tyramine, at times they are good for you. But if you're prone to all these migraine issues just like I am, keep away from tyramine for a while. Just google it out, it'll list stuff that contain tyramine. bananas are in it too. I went bananas when i found out bananas belonged to tyramine .I love bananas. They taste so good with cereal. strawberries. omg. im such a fat ass craver.

gone bananas over bananas

Im bored at home. I feel weak, but i'm okay. I just hope the doc wont be a dumbass and prescribe less than okay or an overload of pills that serve no purpose to my system. I want it to work. I want results gadamit.

Saturday night, I was in Zouk. Then we adjourned to Spicy, hartamas to feast on tandoori and garlic naan. Halfway through our meal, there was an indian mob chasing a skinny indian guy. I dont know why, perhaps he stole, broke in, whatever. But he didn't deserve such extreme beating.

They bashed his head up with a fuckin brick. And they used that brick till it broke into pieces. My friend called the cops, but they turned out an hour late. By then his face was fractured and covered with dried bits of blood. It was gruesome, his hair drenched in his own red. His neck, broken and helpless. His heart? Still beating, but a faint stint of movement. It was like witnessing a tiny massacre.

I couldn't help but bring that image back home. His faint heartbeat and his bloody face and clothes just ignited this anger in me. This rage and tension that made me perspire like hell and destroyed my sleep. The fact that they were capable of such brutality, makes me angry at the useless cops for not being around in times like this. I hate Malaysian cops. When are they ever on time, when are they ever NOT in the mamaks having a beer or teh tarik. When are they ever loyal, polite, and NOT corrupt? When are they ever human beings with a heart. They are stupid and straight out from the kampung. They hit on women, look down on women, and disturb women. On top of that, they are bullies that enjoy pickin on the less fortunate. Fuck them. I wish they got bashed up instead. Because of how oblivious, lazy, and useless they were, this guy couldve been dead. They took an hour plus from that phonecall. And the incident took place in their own bloody district. Stupid no-brainers! I just can't help but think how this country is not a save place to live in, because the cops are too lazy and relaxed. Indirectly, they pretend not to know or hear these things and by letting things pass, imagine how many people's lives are endangered, or how many stood a chance to live but weren't saved.
I'm pissed off. It boils my guts knowing the situations like this. It's NOT SAFE anywhere. But i do know that no ones more stupid than a Malaysian cop.They should be bashed up, so their sorry fat asses won't have to block my way when im driving, won't have to squeeze the poor for money, won't have to bully the community with their badges of proof. They should be stripped off all apparel and be left out in the cold to shed off some pounds. fatso's.
I gotta get ready. Going to the doc. Man, my head's heavy. Filled. Full. Whilst my tummys lonely. Empty.
Updates on medications and neurologist will be updated after i get back. I want to record the length, experience of every major migraine attack i have. So far i'm quite use to it. But i need to remember what symptoms to the attacks...what i ate..what i felt..blahblah. It's just for myself to read. So don't bore your guts out.

Klarbears birthday!

2009-03-12T01:05:00.000-07:00
Location: twenty.one
Age: 18 years
Date: 27th Febo 09
belongs to: the Djajalie Family

I'm going to go easy, cut down my typing tongue on words and go Strictly with pics. :)

Captions are a necessity.

Say jager, jager, jager bomb! woot woot.

Klaudbear and Klarbear Djajalie

The platter, left creamy.

asian wonders.

The three stooges, musketeers, naughty rascals, the three DJAJALIEs.

This is some hardcore abstract canon effect

my bubbies. my cousy wousy. and voila bellio.

the crowd gathers to smile

and im too lazy to put up pics. they will be locked up in the fbook album.

By the way, the ultimate picture of the day, that has nothing to do with my sisters 18th cake-blowing celebration. It's just a back tattoo that i really want and KNOW that i will NOOOOT get cuz of my pops. He is oblivious to the ones scattered around my body. But if i got this one, hell no..not only will he flip, he'll like mosquito bat me!

pretty ink. uggh..i want it bad man.

That's all folks.

saggy-haggy-naggy me

2009-03-10T00:53:00.001-07:00
It's a Tuesday.
But why does it feel like a Monday?

I swear, long holidays fuck u up. Your timing, your everything. I spent my nights playing pool and going to Barsonic, not on LAPSAP day though. I am much too casual for these colorful confettis. They are like a bunch of dressed up smiley faces with orange, red, blue, rainbow wigs. U name it. Honestly, lapsap has taken KL to another level with its existence, it preaches music and fashion. People obey, people idolize.

And when people are obedient to this circle, they form this community that caters to these people who fight to be noticed and heard of. So there goes Zouk. No one wants to go to zouk main room cuz it's got all the cliche faces, the ones that praise hip hop or full trance. So zouk decides to reno their entire look and give barsonic its own space, so this community gets to breathe. Wow, i just realized this indirectly makes the best of sense. I mean imagine this, this community even has their own clubbing day. LAPSAP day. It's not a theme,it is the people who make it weekly and permanent.
Don't get me wrong, I am not mocking. I like the electro pumping through my veins and everything, but i'm too shy to wear the extremes. I'm afraid to like go all out and say "Yo, i shaved my head, but it beats all those bimbos with the typical long strings". I mean i'd rather admit "Yes, i'm a bimbo. I keep my hair the way it is, sorry if i offended u." some people are hardcore and I support them to the top with this. I just simply dont like it when people tell me that I want to stay in the safe zone and I'm afraid to go all out to take risks because I'm vain. It's not that man, it's cuz I fully am aware of my looks and I know that I'll look hideous. And the lapsap fashionistas actually look good going hardcore with bright hair or shaved or whatever. So there's the diffy. They look GOOD.

I can so imagine my sisters feasting on Nasi Padang or Sundanese food di atas lesehan! Me? I'm thinking the closest to indo nasi pad. That would be in the foodcourt of Midvalley, it imitates by a slight miss. All the ingredients such as singkong, sambal hijau, ayam pop are actually there. So yeah you bet I'm ready for it. Fck. My tums man. Rumble-grumble.

I miss my family. I want to gather in indo and eat the kampung food by the paddyfields and just breathe that awesome air. And eat all the sambal in the world. GADAMIT.

I want Club Monaco stuff. When will it go on SALE already? It's just not depreciating in price. I love the skirts, sweaters, and all the monaco stuff stuff. I just realized that I save-spend a little-save more than save-spend all-save again to spend all. That's right. I see some independent ring in me, which is good, cuz i'm liking it. If there's one thing I know, its that I ain't spoilt.

I hate men sometimes. They piss girls off. And even if you tell em, they act like they don't know. Now, who do you know would do that? Men. Makes me feel like slapping their ignorant expressions and just grilling them with "Why this and that?" questions. Why do you think girls are more prone to nagging than men are? Look at how annoying men have become these days. It's just how i feel sometimes, so let me be an old hag-nag.

Honestly, I love nagging. :) A heartful exercise.

Love, the hag-nag

duapuluhlima. sounds like some kampung witch.

2009-02-26T21:25:00.000-08:00
ola alo.

This morning was a good one. I managed to go grocery shopping lastnight to stock up on salad ingredients and prepared a turkey sandwich for todays craving. The vinegar and french really go well together, ultimate soulmates to my taste buds.

I am going to do another 5x5 list.

1. loves marls
2. wants a dog
3. is still sad that the baby bird she saved was better off not being rescued
4. misses alaska truly-madly-deeply
5. can't smell my Jasmine scented british india aromatic organic candle
6. wants that prada bag
7. wants to bum in a trailer and stop by every city in the states to say ello love
8. missing jakarta city and abuserin
9. feed me a chicago pizza
10.wants to eat camembert cheese with biscuits, while gobbling down a hoe-g
11.is not in the mood for mushy affection
12.has been staying away from all mushrooms possible. diarrhoea fools.
13.can't imagine elya's portobello mushrooms looked like chocolate dunkin donuts (insane in the membrane)
14.feels like a film of british humor
15.wondering if jimmy choo designs shoes for the queen of England to gain that status (i think so, perhaps i should design her clothes?)
16. is thinking miu miu, chloe, and flea market style
17. actually enjoys corny pick-up lines. a failure to laugh at.
18. needs to read that fat book she doesnt have time for
19. loves her bloody monologue organizer.
20.my tummys upset and it needs to cry
21. gosh. I'm just joshing you. (was it napolean dynamite?)
22. just watched DOGFIGHT off youtube and laughed like a phony-baloney
23.was told that my salads are weirdly creative and much too flamboyant for standardized taste buds (when really, it just looked like Greek salad to me)
24.is indeed still LIKING designspongeonline
25. seriously wants to leave KL to wash dishes in europe for a week :)

why so kreji about vals?

2009-02-12T23:50:00.000-08:00
Valentine's day. I was actually planning to get me one of those lilacs/tulips/lilies. My three favorite bloomers. They are gorgeous, neat, and they startle my eyes. They just look good in a plain jar. Like I could pluck me one of those and just admire it. Take a look.

breathtaking tulips

LILACS. pretty bloomers.

Lilies. pretty pretty.

If anyone got me one of these flowers? then I have to admit, they have scored a place in creativity. Roses are beautiful and romantic, but it gets boring to just look at it in everyone elses hands.

I think I'm going to get me a tulip or lilac..since i've always been decorating the apartment with lilies. We'll see huh...if they aren't gone for the use of hotel bathrooms or lobbies and shit like that. Hotels are starting to use the unique ones...instead of the old-fashioned roses. They are so out of season, well at least of 2009.

Val's day is the day people buy their girlfriends stuff in exchange for one great night in bed, no? Yeah like some guys tell me "If i buy her this, i'm going to get some!" And judging by the chicks these days, you bet you're going to get some.

Women of today. They look for men and expect to get paid from it through gifts, dinner, and everything. I find them really confused beings. Your parents raised you not to be a LOSER babe. They raised you to be human. So act like one and respect thy pussy. Don't just wander it off to any loaded gun.

I think i'm going to get myself a valentine gift. I am my own valentine, my bf around doesn't count. We're going to celebrate through BEERCAMP, so we have agreed to the terms of not buying shit for each other. Waste of dough and a waste of time to act like romantic fakes. I'm not saying a fancy dinner is wrong, i enjoy the luxury of classiness, but not on just one night when everyones going cuz every other persons going. Cmon that's sad. I dont want to ruffle around the crowd of couples. I just wanna chill out with my friends. ENjoy perhaps.

I think its time to start working. toods.

When the Sun don't shine properly

2009-02-12T21:26:00.000-08:00
An organized blogger would blog everyday.
An UNorganized blogger would be called a blooger. And that is me.

Introducing Bali 2008-2009. 2 days of drenched indo rain, the other 2 with the MATAHARI. But it wasn't so much of matahari, it was like a combo of rain droplets and a soft touch of light. Sad ain't it. :(

Had a great time with the gorgeous girls skanking it up
watching them girls have fun while I drag poor dugong along.
Ibu OKA suckling pig
lobster at Jimbaran
Flamingo craze
NIKO beach
Mbargo shaking
BOUNTY's Jungle Juice
Tanah Lot temple
Monkey forest
and just purely amazing food.

I am out to EAT.

Unlock my lock will ya?

2009-02-05T17:51:00.001-08:00
Unlock the key to my heart, no?

Many girls, including myself got their hearts unlocked in Lunch Actually's Lock & Key event.

Why was I there?
I was there because I heard about this event from Violet Lim and her PR man David while I was interviewing them for something of a different sort. And so I fell for the fun.

The basic rules: Guys get keys and girls get locks. Guys/girls must not hesitate to find the perfect match to unlock the key to her chastity belt. NOT. Perfect key to the lock more like it. And you must have a minimum of 12 matches before the night bitches at you. Simple as Jack.
There are many parties that do not match up to people's expectations. At first, when I was there, I expected the crowd to be mundane and filled with shy faces. The room proved me wrong, it was happening, crowded, and noisy like a semi-club except they got all that high from drinking just the free-flow of soda and party snacks.

There was a very subtle energy that surrounded the night, many single Chinese girls were parading with personality and bubbly affection. The guys were feeling hot and sexy enough because they were a minority.

However, I feel there's a humongous misconception on LOCK & KEY parties or anything involved with people having to pay to meet other people. These people are not desperados nor are they pathetic. They find that their life has rapidly passed by and here they remain still single and searching for not even the right one, just someone to share the laughter and tears with. A companion for the week, month, be it forever. The issue here is that they are busy working professionals that do not possess the time to pound lines on chicks, talk to friends, or have a social life. Most of them are single and successful individuals that probably have no choice but to put their schedules on hiatus and block their clients for the night just to attend this one event, just so he/she would feel wanted by a person, instead of their work.

After all the running around, I was exhausted but intrigued by the singles out there who still managed to remember more than 12 names of new friends and intermingled from one corner to the other.

I managed to get some facts right from the attendees of the event. Most of them were uncomfortable of revealing their night outs for these events to their relatives or friends because they are merely embarassed of what people think. These individuals spend more time on their desk than going out, they are confident in the office, but once they get to the real world, they have no back-bone of self-confidence or self-esteem. Which is why I think this program is good, it gives them a place of belonging, friends to reconsider, guys/girls to think about when they are busy off at work. I feel that these people do not mind paying RM60 just so that they can bring home memories of fun-filled laughter of shared jokes and conversation. That's my opinion, they aren't just in it for the soulmate search, they are in it to boost their social skills and their lifestyle.

I actually brought a friend along with me. She too is a busy working professional and after all her failed relationships, I figured she needed a breakthrough of fun and excitement. At first, she was giving me grins when we arrived. A few hours later, she was getting her grooves on this pretty good looking guy. And when I witnessed the chemistry between the two and how they they discovered they were working in the same industry, I was so proud of myself for bringing her with me. It felt really HOLLYWOOD to me and no matter how mushy it was, when cliche in movies happen in life, it's as if you're in a dream. It's true. We always say this and that's so cliche in movies, but if these cliche moments hit you, it is much more magnificent compared to your daily dull life.

Anyways I'm going to get cracking on work. Damn, i'm getting a writers block. My mind is slowing down.

toodles.

Boredom, the new fuel system.

2009-01-30T17:50:00.000-08:00
Welcome.

This will be left short and sweet because this entry is fueled by boredom before the heading-home mark.

Today's an awesome day. Why do i say? Because my two best friends are here, they came to visit me before heading off to their respective cities.

At first, I thought asshole Jason wouldn't be able to make it after having fed him with my words of PISSED-DOM! He still didn't look like he got it. But today, when i was having my lunch break, he surprised me and that was the best surprise i've had since highschool. Honestly. It was well-planned, might've leaked out just a bit, but convincing to the bloody core.

I haven't yet scheduled our itinerary for their weekend stay. I was planning to go random but that's a waste of all that spontaneity and hoping for the fun. So you must plan a little to get things going the right way, instead of the total opposite. I do not want to have a shitty weekend with my mates. I want it to rock.

Well, well, well, it's time to rock and get the hell out of this page.

CLOSED.

In a sponging gutter

2008-12-23T02:00:00.000-08:00
Hello there Midnight babies.

No one is free to scoop me up for a Hot Cuppa. I'd go to a hotel or something to get one, but no one is free. Even if the hot chocolates on me. It's one of those nights where you need a friend around to dig in to conversations. Where are my besties? I miss em already. Too bad none of them are around, they are in better places for crying out loud. Man, i feel like a sad Tim Burton character. Except I'm craving for sweet things.

That would be good for me now. But i'm out of it.

Anyways, did i tell you i adore designspongeonline? It's got the greatest hippie turned neat, Corporate turned funky, Reggae's little Kitchen, and Godly sense of Creativity collectible items featured on the site. The person who blogs her incredibility? I'm guessing is one of those inspiring New York artists who welcomes the joy of raw and fractured artworks. She is like God. You give her an ugly couch and she throws in like all these weird combos of color and items, and you got stuff better looking than Harvey Norman. It's like a personalized live-life creatively home decor experience. I am totally inspired and in love with the look of it.

It's brilliant because it isn't complicated. The rooms all look like it is worth living in. It tells a story of passion, personality, and character. As compared to those interior design books where the rooms look perfectly engineered and untouched, design sponge creates life by outsmarting the dull with glorious colors and puzzled pieces to get to the beauty of abstract art. Example: Like putting bananas on a table and getting away with it. Damn these beings.

My mind is now sponging.

This is me sponging.

Earlier today, I went to the curve and headed for Living Quarters. I'm looking for a natural roar in the look. I'm looking for things that will make my new couch look awesome and cozy. To make it a sanctuary I can sit down and do my reading, laughing, hot cuppa-ing at. I managed to buy these really strange looking yet alluring pillow covers. Pardon my style, but I quite like this ensemble gathered today. Man, there's a journey to go to make things pretty huh?! This Mission is a MUSTTTT for me.

I'm not that proficient when it comes to the playground of ART, but i would like to think that i am close to that level. I need to keep sponging sponging.

Okay I think it looks like I got company for my hot cuppa.

Peace.

Uncommon Slapstick

2008-12-08T19:06:00.000-08:00
I went for a Masquerade party lastnight.

It would've been cool if everyone dressed up for the occassion but the whole invitation didn't really highlight that bit of the night.

It was fun and funny. Jay was actually. He was like poppin and lockin, grooving to the silence of smokers, laughter, and permanent stares. He was the entertainment clown of the night. But too bad he collapsed in bed before any of us headed back. My impression of Jay has 360'd, from a quiet emo boy to a hardcore masquerade clown.

The Clowns on the left. Not the right.

It was a simple night, but good the way it was. Conversations were based on rare drags, music, poisonous laughter, and killing the awkwardness between strangers in the big SMOKEY room. It was pleasant though.

Then I thought to myself that I should throw one of these Masquerade parties one day. And that the dresscode should be taken more seriously by our very own voluntary bouncers. Won't that be cooler? Well scrap that, let's move on to the frolicsome images we have here.

It's been a while for girls like us. The ones that party poop.

Sup homeslice?

The Great Fall of Mankind

Murder at the utmost degree

Jay: How are my moves? Wasn't too good ay?
Me: What? Noooo..don't be hatin'..you were amazing right there. Jay-T mang.
Jay: Thanks, i'm gonna go get the hang of it now.
(he moves into the middle and starts to get his groove on)
Me: Yeah you go Jay. (I say, without a stir of confidence)

I'm getting hungry from blogging. Takes a lot of effort man. Sometimes when I feel rajin and all, I'll type with inspiration and passion and whatever ion there is in the world to describe that hardworking feeling. But now I feel like soup in a fancy bowl.

I'll leave you to this:

The Man of our 5 hours

so long, farewell.

Bang Bang (My baby shot me down)

2008-11-29T03:30:00.000-08:00
I'll give you a little run through on the latest things that has happened since our last episode together.

First of all, it wasn't that much. 28th marked Johnjohn AKA Dugong's Birthday. That boy had three dinners, well + 1 including the one with his parents tonight. Crazy. I only have one on the day I blow the cake, which is the day itself. He has like a few, because one isn't satisfying enough, he likes to be constantly reminded of how he's turning one year older. I get it now. The attention he needs. :)

So yeah his Birthday dinners were alright. The Cake was awesome. The Duck meat was awesome. The people? Cool too i guess, well except for one. But I will not disclose such information because I would like to keep it on a hush hush status now.

So John's Birthday event took the whole of Wednesday, Thursday (the actual day), Friday, and Saturday. Man.

On Saturday though, I had to try the All-Day Breakfast in Dome. Apparently, it is of the same price as Decanters but they are more generous with the servings. I got the Egg Hollandaise. I like it, but not enough to come back for more Egg Hollandaise action.

Nearly the whole of today was spent at the curve talking about nothing really. People passing, most especially the couples who are either color coordinated or are going for the whole "We are TWINS!" look. OH well. :D My smiley describes all the bittersweet thoughts of mine.

As the Sun lost its light to the moon, we headed down to DONGS to "KILL BILL" twice. I loved it. Tarantino, Quentin is a natural born director and killer in film making history. He mixes kung fu with pleasure. He makes Samurai swords sexy. He makes blood look like a gorgeous beauty (even when its bursting a fountain off someones neck). He's a genius, he is the GOD of film. Well, my GOD of entertainment. I just love KILL BILL VOL 1-2. Don't you? It's simple, it's easy to watch, it gives you wacky ideas, it makes you want to buy a samurai for keeps and of course not to mention, all the products/brands that sponsors Quentins cast: I'm guessing Marlboro was one of em, Lucky Charms, Fruit Loops, Puma, Onitsuka Tiger, and I'm also guessing the PUSSY WAGON was the all-American muscle truck, a FORD? I don't know but I seriously like the color of the movie and how everything sponsored fits the moments he wanted to portray. This is my second time watching VOL 1-2 again and damn, it seriously feels like my eyes have lost its virginity to these volumes.

I finally completed Paulo Coelho's 11 Minutes. I think it is worth a read and I give it a *** (3 Star) reader's value because it failed to excite me after Love struck these two love duos. The ending was unexpected because it wasn't a PC ending, it was like a Danielle Steel love novel. Might be good for some people, but it was just satisfactory, no excellent finishing touch. Just a bunch of words he tried to make up to quickly end the book. He too probably got sick of writing about thick passion and complicated romance so he just ended it on a boring note. :) I'm not ruining it for people, this is my personal opinion. But it is worth flipping through because there are lines and phrases in that book that make you go like "shit, how in the hell did he come out with something so creatively good like that?" Yeah happened many times through my 11 minutes experience. At least try to spend 11 minutes reading it, if you do not relate to it, discontinue and get a Sidney Sheldon or Danielle if it ain't romantic enough for you. hehe :D

I need a drag now. I prefer it to you. :D

Bang Bang, I shoot you down now.

Waiting for em chunks to subside.

2008-11-26T15:30:00.000-08:00
Afternoon you little fool.

Sometimes I can't figure out how and why people have weird attitudes or ways of taking simple text messages. Like you could just say "Can't hang out today man" and immediately they'll be hating you with a "Fine, be that way!". I'm just thinking to myself, like WTF? It's stupid and the more I think of it, it makes me feel dumb for even wondering how these people feel. They should just know that no one has time to offend them through Short Message Services! ahem. Get it woman, I tend to keep things short when i'm using my phone, don't expect a long and nice email of how I can't make it for the day.

"FINE, BE THAT WAY!!!!!"

Anyways, I just gobbled some Auntie Anne chunks and now i'm doing the right thing, which is to let my stomach slowly digest what I have eaten so I can plunge in the old pool and do the laps i've been dissing for almost 2 weeks. Holidays are great, but they break your routine and they make you a temporary insomniac. I hope that in my case, it will be temporary.

I am currently reading a book entitled "Eleven Minutes" by Master Paulo Coelho. I'm sure many know him for his bestselling novel "The Alchemist" of which I haven't touched or filled my mind with just yet. I've read others like the Witch of Portobello, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, and now 11 Minutes. I'm not done yet with the minutes, but I can tell you that it's my favorite one of them all, it is highly erotic in a religious Paulo Coelho way. The typical description of Sexual Desire and how others perceive it. It's odd, but cool really. This book is about the struggle of a brazillian prostitute and how she strives to earn more money to feed her poor family and buy a farm back home. But before she can do all that, she registers herself as one of the "objects of desire" at the Copacabana. Through the months of pleasuring her customers and earning lots of dollars, she fastens her feelings on this famous painter and falls in love once again (when she promised herself she won't love again) If any writer out there can give you a different perspective and personal view on prostitutes in general, then that means he has succeeded. I can't really tell you the entire story, because i'm not done with it yet. When it comes to Paulo, i like to take my time reading and re-reading his explanations. :)

There goes the day....

I think it is time for me to do my laps, overtire my legs, and just get some exercise done.

ByeDbye.

Lookin back to Relax and :)

2008-11-09T15:04:00.000-08:00
Hey now, hey now,

I am finally jotting down my thoughts. Not much of it, but hey some oddness in the air today moved me. So therefore, here are my set of words. I finally inserted pictures today. Don't know why it took me years to add extra jewels into my site. I guess i wanted to go for the creepy blog look with no sense of happiness. I seem like a wannabe, now that i think of it. I had my goth days, in highschool though, used to worship the devil. NOT. I just enjoyed reading those crafty books and tried making my own potions and casted wicked spells. In a way, some of my spells worked, but i guess the timing was right. Made me go all psychological on my thoughts. Man I never thought my goth days would end...thought that Mur, Kristine, and I would beat the CHARMED sisters. haha..we'd be like the highschool goth girls that praise hip hop fashion and music. hahahaa...tacky days are the coolest. Trust me, i love tacky, it fills me with so much laughter, its crazy.

Those were the days huh. The Fairytale Prom days.

Anyways about two days ago, I went through this Javanese massage. The lady that did my "pijit" was from the land of Indonesia, except she mentioned her hometown and I do not think it exists in the map. Sounds like some master of the village just made shit up. But it sounds like one of those Jelangkung films and their destinations to "Jln. Kramat Batu". Sounds like one of those potential filming spots for b-grade horror films. But just saying this reminds me of those old school days. When we used to be tight as a gang, as friends. Used to go watch movies in PIM and throw popcorns at each other.That was Simple Fun. Simple Laughter. Those were the times when friends and enemies really counted.

My back is still hurting, could this be good or could it be bad? I've been swimming everyday to overtire my body so when my muscles ache, I know I did some work out routine. The thing is sleeping is a hard factor for me now. I can't sleep for nuts, no matter how comfy my bed is, no matter how clean my room is, no matter how early i wake up and how late i sleep. I just don't really get that tired man. I think I am slowly turning into a ROBOT. Bell-E. Introducing my friend.

I should think of something to do to make the hours shrink into un-endless tick tocks. To make it seem like my time is productive, that sweat and effort is good almost everyday. I need to be given something to do. Thats what I thought, go back to Jakarta this Wednesday, do some Marketing work for Fred, drink some bintangs, shoot some pool and wala...productive enough. Much better than staying at home.

September welcomes the obstacles

2008-09-09T12:13:00.000-07:00
Tuesday
9/September/2008

September, the month of random break ups and obs. A few weeks ago was the release of the hungry ghosts and we were warned to stay put in our homes after 6pm. Apparently people say that it is the prime time for these beings to hang out and meet up with their homies for casual drinks. I guess it is, it's like their annual vacation time other than choking in the flames of hell or cooling off with angels in heaven.

Anyways, this is like the second week of our September and you bet a lot has happened. My neighbors got robbed and so did their neighbors. Theft here, death there, people committing suicide like no ones bloody business. It's crazy because it happens around people and after people hear the news, the obstacles naturally go their way.

A few days ago it was a pleasant Friday night, I came out of my room and there was this gloomy shadow outside at our porch. The cause of the shadow? Some middle-eastern guy taking a sneak peak through our windows. Plus, my housemate was wrapped up in a bath towel humming and spinning to her jazz tunes as she reached for the toilet door. That pervert was watching her the whole time, then it got me thinking, damn he could have been there for like a few minutes already just watching her indulge in her marvellous Friday. So, I pointed at him and it took him a while to reconsider his stay at my front porch or pack his balls and leave. Then, he left and ran to his unit. HIS UNIT! He's my neighbor, yes he is. I have a pervert neighbor. I swear if it happens again for no reason, i'm going to call the cops on him. Well, not like calling the cops on him would really make a difference.

September is just a really bad month for my circle of friends. Always be armed with your gear. Pepper sprays are useless, they just look good as key chains. Pocket a swiss army knife and I guess it will last you when danger comes around the corner. :)

Baby boy will wear GAP.

2008-05-24T02:09:00.000-07:00
Hi.

Man oh man, it's been such a long week for me. I'm not the type to update or fill in the emptiness of an empty blog page during work hours. If i did it during work, i guess it would serve as therapy to my mind. My boss said that if you need therapy, just enter the conference room alone and as you sit down in the darkness, feast your eyes on the light coming from the water tank. How therapeutic. It's basically an ordinary aquarium with some decent lights and some decent looking fishes as well. Fishes is already a word and I'm sure now they have the term fishes in dictionaries.

Yes yes, it's been a tiring string of days for me. I elope from one place to another, drive like a freaking circus monkey, and of course manage my tummy at the same time, as its the time of the month and my cravings have gone humongous. I can eat a whole person now by just picturing freakin bak kut teh in my mind, i swear i just want to eat that shit out from the claypot.

I will soon be heading for my cousins baby shower. I think I lack knowledge of celebratory terms. Such as a BABY SHOWER. I wasn't aware that a baby shower came prior to having the baby. I always had the knowledge that it was after the bump was popped, you shower it with joy and blessings. Numsayin? I just think it makes more sense that way. Anyhoos...i got great items for the baby boy. Very typical and American, i decided to walk into GAP KIDS. I have to admit, what i bought for the boy to come was splendid. I think sooner or later when he grows to know me, he'll tell me that i was the best aunt in the world for spoiling him in fashionable ways. :D I imagine him to be a cool kid. I swear baby shopping is much cooler than shopping for yourself. It gives you the ability to buy something so small and yet make use of it. As a gift of course. But you just have the liberty to make a newborn look good. Like hey, i shot straight out in 87 and my mother made me wear the most hideous clothes, stuff with no labels or brand names. Guess the only famous one i wore was like pigeon and the KIKILALA. That friggin name is so striking, you think it's only for LALA's. But no, they cater to kids and adolescents. How misleading huh?

Anyways, I think i'm gonna hit the 1 hour sack. I'm so tired I can feel my bones weakening and my eyes slowly closing a halfway.

I will update when i feel like it and when odd situations surpass to inspire me. :)

Au revoir poyple.

The Sunday Pigging

2008-04-06T11:49:00.001-07:00
I’ve been waiting for lazy Sundays to come.
Today’s the perfect one for pigging-in at home. Just turn on your sensual jazz, feast thy eyes on a self-improvement book and warm up the lazy couch you’ve always taken for granted.

These past few days have been hectic with friends and the other half. Time to relax and set yourself to potato-mode. Unfortunately, there’s Brenda’s birthday party to go to and it’s pouring like a beast outside. Do you go or do you prefer to savor your day with the Sunday pigging? Sunday pigging of course.
But I’m still going. Because I am not a Birthday pooper, I still have some effort. This is for all the people at home wanting to go out for absolutely no reason but to hang out. Just hang out at home, you’ve got all your goods, your music, your television set, your biscuits, and your hot tea. And not to mention, the couch you barely enjoy due to responsibilities. Enjoy it today.
I am currently absorbed in this self-improvement book entitled “Why Men Love Bitches?” It caters to the curious needs of women out there that are “too nice” and have sacrificed so much for their men. The big factor is that the men do not appreciate and do not reciprocate.

Am I too nice? Coming from an angry bitch like me with complicated feelings and messed up thoughts that can be considered delusional and over the cherry top. I guess I am too nice. But there are points in the book which help me self-judge myself. There’s always room for improvement. No one can be the ultimate bitch I tell you, even the author. What she’s writing to all of us females is just an opinion that would work. And I thank her because she got all those questions of mine answered and she did some very interesting research before anyone else did. So here’s my applause for you Ms. Sherry Argov, for doing your homework and for the effort you’ve made into making weaklings turn into tough cookies so that the oblivious men out there shall want a savory bite of us all.
There is lightning above, getting closer to my window. It scares me shitless. It has officially ruined the lazy Sunday by striking it’s fierceness in every corner and leaving us to dwell in our habitats in fear of its monstrous temper. I loathe nature when it acts like it loathes us, keeping us in fear without telling us why. Nature is oh-so-childish and unjust.

But when it’s beautiful, it’s absolute.

Go do the Sunday pigging you guys. We have come a long way from Monday, it is time to pig out because you deserve it. If there was no birthday plan blocking my pigging agenda, I would be fastened to the couch with a home-made salsa dip (stolen from Frontera of course) and digging it with nachos covered in mozzarella melt. And I would ask Larry Frontera (you’ll know about Frontera in my next entry) to deliver the best margarita in town for only me to say yum to.

Cheers, a yummy Sunday for pigs.

im up for it.

2008-02-02T12:48:00.000-08:00
Drinkin' tea by tea. Yes i am.
It's been three nights down and i've been going to the mamaks to cure the boredom. Anything to do with "out" of johns..i'm up for it. It's not the apartment that im suffering with. At times it's him. Arguments are more or less caused by my stupid idiotic mouth and temper temper. But oh well, if i don't get out, its never going to end.
I wouldn't say i'm happy in this relationship. I'd say there are many lovey dovey moments but the missing bit is still waiting to be filled. The missing bit is understanding. I get it now. A realization hit me when i went all psycho on him just now. I was pouring out my temper and frustration over a small little thing. Therefore i apologized, although i know the same action might just repeat in a few days to come.
I have no control over my emotions. It's either i'm totally crazy or cold. It's just one of those, there is no middle line. The word neutral just doesnt work for me.
Im missing my real friends now. I've lost touch with the real me a few months ago. It feels like i'm lost and confused now, trying to mature into a different person, trying to alter and adapt to a relationship that is different from the rest. But what happens if i lose touch of all the happiness and fun? There is no room for adventure these days. I've just been moving in and sooner or later i will fill in a blank seat doing paperwork. I know its not what i want to do. I guess for the mother, you have no choice but to huh.
That month in Jakarta was different. It was cool. It's amazing how all my friends have matured. It's amazing how everyones in this powerful relationship except for me. I'm in a relationship that's still working out. It's in neither sides of the bad or good, it's not even in the middle. This relationship could kill ur time, give you eyebags and a lot of stress. It could cause insomnia too. I guess that's why im still awake at this hour dealing with it.
I don't know who i will spend my lifetime with..but currently i've been thinking about it. I know i shouldn't. But can't help it. I keep thinking about the day i walk down that aisle plus with who? Is it the man i'm now with or will there be another? Yes, there are many beautiful moments to cherish. Good memories always stay the way they are. But the relationship will never ever end up the way it once started. They say you should always treat ur partner the way you guys first started out. I say its impossible. When two people meet, their goal is to get to know each other. But once they know each other and are so sick of seeing each others bad habits and such, how the hell are they suppose to act like they dont know each other and give the respect? It's a toughy. I could never do that. Fuck my English has gone really horrible and vague. Even when i try to pronounce a word..i end up tongue tied. Even as i type this, my brains tangled.
I can't wait till my graduation day comes. My family, my best friend, the ones that mean the world to me will be there. It will feel like home. I just know it.

The guy for me would be one that pampers me even when i'm bitchy. Even when i'm screaming my lungs out and it gets scary. Some guys can't tolerate that shit. They get all scared and they think im psycho.
It is psychotic to yell and scream...but sometimes it feels so good letting out everything. The one guy that could handle it and still see the good in me will be the guy i'll be with forever. Becuz that's all i need. I need constant attention, i know i'm selfish and stubborn. But i do need the love, the hugs, the kisses. I need someone bold and strong and confident, so that he could pass me some of it. The thing is, you never know who you're dating, even if you've been dating a person for years, you still dont see certain things that outsiders see.

I dont know why i haven't been in the smiley mood these days. I've just been pmsing. I've been so bitchy to myself and to him recently. It's not so healthy. It creates a lot of tension in the bedroom. It hurts to fight daily. But i really dont know how to stop it sometimes.

I just had a meaningful death stick. hehe. And suddenly this drunk walks pass me. Its joe of course. It's funny how he could go clubbin and wake up for work. amazing actually.

It's time to sleep. I feel like taking a jog around the complex.

gnite kiss. mwah.

blanked out.

2008-01-03T10:26:00.000-08:00
To Mr. Blank Sheet of Paper.

These days have been a rollercoaster. Filled with the ups and downs of relationships, countless amounts of thoughts and stress that pile up like freakin maggots. It's just sickening to live life this way. How do you get over such stress, how do you relief that shit? Some say the solutions lie in magazines and google. I tried all that, there was no relief..no smile...no happy thoughts. No drugs to use.

It's shit that this life is full of weird emotions that everybody has to encounter just to break even. Just to feel a similarity between familiar feelings, emotions, moves, reactions. Whatever it is, i've never felt so horrible in life before.

Here i am breaking 20 in a matter of a few days. I'm leaving 20 for the big 21. Its suppose to be my year, its suppose to be all mine. And today when i was depressed and when my heart was thumpin like a choo choo train, i couldnt do shit about it. The pathetic part was that when my friends have issues, i used to think they were pussy issues. Now i'm the pussy and they've gone a step further, they've graduated from the stress and found a way to solve their problems. I helped some of those friends and im sitting here typing to you because i can't seem to help myself.

Now im thinking how the fuck do i help myself? I think when it happens to others, you see the bigger picture. When people are stressed out they are caught up in this emotional state and it deepens through time. So you see the big picture, tell them whats going on and some see it and some don't. Right now i need someone to help me paint the big picture infront of my eyes. So i can see it, so my thoughts will not believe my short term imaginations. Because i'm a pessimist. Everything that seems clear to me is bad. So thats why i ruin relationships, thats why i ruin myself and my partner. I need time to really find my true self. Just by letting things go for a while.

You just need more time to give ur brain a rest. I was talking to a good friend of mine and he told me that i live my life through reassurance. I always assure myself, gather the closure, then only my decisions are made. I never let time take its course, i just keep being a bug to things.

My nature is to push. I just realized im such a bug. I just keep flying everywhere, whatever angles available, i freakin ram straight into it. I push and push, i have no patience of any sort. How the hell do i just relax and do that? It's so tough. I admire the people that have that quality. PATIENCE.

Patience is such a powerful word. Because it never occurred to me till just right this sec that i lack that quality, and it is just what i need. The problem starts with building the patience. Words that best describe me is impatient, compulsive, pessimistic,selfish, and a person with bad understanding. Yeah that's all i got. Probably got a lot more negative words.

I dont think i can write anymore. I need to think and see myself in a different perspective. Study my flaws perhaps.

gnite.

drifting to 08

2007-12-30T21:02:00.000-08:00
Here we are on the 31st waiting to party the night away till the year 08.
I dont know man, it's not such a big deal that the new year is approaching. We dont have to party hard for the date to move. It will still move. This is causing all the traffic and ridiculous amounts of garbage flying around the roads. I swear, its like that here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Just that sometimes i get so moody when its the time of the month you know. I just feel that no one really understands my needs anymore, including him. I haven't seen john in a few weeks. To some people that may be an easy one if their entire relationship was based apart from each other, like my best friend Murti for example. For some reason, it's tough for me to do it with john, when you're apart, you have bad feelings about everything, yeah you want to trust the guy, but when you guys argue, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it till he flies down here then you can kick his ass.
I think i just need to occupy my head with useful things like yoga, yknow balance the mind, body, and soul. Connect whatever with whatever. I know it sounds very commercialized and stuff, hell yeah it is hollywoods favorite shit..but whatever you know if it works, it works. And i've always been used to active exercise, it's time i slow down and try something that requires the long stretch and flexibility.
Fcuk! My right arm hurts like hell man, i dont know i spent hours lastnight trying to improve my pool skills..haha i didn't improve. duh.
Sometimes im not happy in this relationship, but sometimes i really feel like im happy. It all depends on the mood. There are moments when you cherish the bond and everythings perfect and you're not fighting. But when you argue, you just dont know how the hell it happened. Like one moment you're loving and you just can't keep ur hands off each other, the next you're just freakin screaming ur bloody lungs our gasping for more air and energy to scream more! haha. yeah well its crazy sometimes.
I miss my johnny boy..i haven't seen him in so long that i've almost forgotten the way he looks. I have pictures and memories, but when i close my eyes, its hard to really imagine him. It's been quite long actually. I don't think i can do long distance, no matter how much you love a person or care for them, long distance just suffocates your freedom to do things. It's crap. It puts me in a tight situation.
ahhh enough of this relationship crap. I want to have a decent night with beer and friends. thats all.
mwah.

08080808

2007-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:00
08 is slowly approaching. What am i gonna do about it? The graduation ceremonys on febo. That's the only thing i'm holding on to before i find myself a decent job with decent pay. I know most definitely that i dont want to grow up and experience the life of a loser. I want to work at least. Saying it is easy, but going through it takes forever.

I'll be going to hongkytown in a few hours. I hope i enjoy myself, use my leisure time there to really just get out of the world and think and think. I need to think..and i can't think when i'm at home, and i can't think when i'm in my second home. I know i can think elsewhere tho. It's really odd.

I dont know, my time in jakarta this time of the year feels really i dont know...different. Friends are different and they have more to say, but i dont quite feel tight with them anymore. I mean yeah we're still tight through reminiscing about who fell and who embarassed themselves in highschool .But thats it. How about being tight when you mature? I dont know..it jsut feels weird. I mean i do have fun with em. But it fuckin sux that everyones so busy or so not interested in driving to see their own friends. I'm getting lazy as well. I feel bad...but seriously there's no excitement or push anymore. It's just staying at home and waiting for someone to force your ass out the door. it's just like that.

I miss johnnyboy. I really do. I used to think that this relationship was a wreck. But now, i dont know distance really makes the heart grow fonder. It's true. When i'm with him, i dont feel i miss em, only when i'm away and they are out of complete sight, thats when i miss the shit out of em.

that's all i have to say.
i dont think i'll be writing till next year.
adios amigos.

i miss.

2007-11-26T03:44:00.000-08:00
Hey you,
long time no see.

My days have been alright. What spiced up my life was the exhibition match that happened a few days back. It was federer against pete sampras. God, it was a beautiful game, it was great to watch it live rather than through the tv screen. It was reality infront of your eyes i tell you.
I miss mbok jamu and krispo. God, i dont know how i'll ever live life without having friends like them. Here i am, busy with life here. There they are, living it up someplace else. But when we meet, the retardation comes up. That's waht i can't live without. Life here is sad.

My cat ranaway, the cutest thing ever decided to pack its balls and leave for perhaps some notorious gang or some hot furry feline. I miss him so. I just dont knwo how to get to him. He's off the grounds, away from this place, perhaps far far away in neverland. I have no idea. i will search the streets of the night and day until i find this furry ass.

I miss home. I miss mummy. I miss my sisters.
missing a shizload of peeps right now.
bellio signing off.

Pulp fiction is stranger than fiction.

2007-10-16T03:22:00.000-07:00
Today, i woke up at 3pm in the afternoon with no food. Guess what? That's what pizza hut is for, immediate delivery! Not. They told us that since the rain was so heavy and it would affect time and transport, we have to umbrella ourselves all the way there. Which was really selfish of them. Their delivery men serve a purpose there, and that is to serve their loyal customers who want a fucking bloody supreme pizza with garlic bread. And these bloody malaysians are so lazy, they can't do shit but just stay under the rain pathetically waiting for us to fetch it ourselves.
The fuck is the point of delivery then? Pissed my ass off.

I've been feeling really nauseous these days. I was chopping some vegetables a few days back to make some salad and all of a sudden my vision turned real blur and i could see tiny fragments of light around. They say that it's due to loss of blood. Which was true, cuz i was having my period. But the point is, that is scary. Your vision starts to weaken, then 30 minutes later you get this pounding effect in your head, then you start to feel like you're one pregnant mofo needing a bowl to puke on. So then i puke over and over again, it seemed endless. When i was going through ultimate pain, i started to envy all those that were being bums outside the living room. I started to feel so depressed and i even bothered to pray my ass off to MR.GOD so that he could work his magic on me. It didnt work.

I can't even think right now. I just feel like typing my thoughts off.
I've been into Sangria these days, its a medicine to cure depression and active temper. I just realized that i throw tantrums out of the blue. I just throw em and the shittiest thing is while im being all psychotic, i dont give a fuck about people's feelings. I realized that i do have pretty serious mood swings and a powerful temper. It runs in the blood of my loved ones. Most especially my father. He is one hot tempered dude.

I watched Pulp Fiction for the very first time. I fell in love with it the minute it started. The minute the awkwardness appears with the subtle taste of music, i had a huge crush. It was fucking brilliant. I swear to god, watch it over and over again till your eyes melt because Quentin Tarantino rocks our world. I just love the way he gets great actors and makes them look so vulnerable or so suave. It's fuckin cool. The soundtrack is beautiful, it's bloody gorgeous, you just want to listen to each song and replay the movie in your head. I love the part where Uma Thurman and John Travolta were in the JackRabbits contest doing the strong twist, then the music came up. Fucking classic scene. The dialogues superb, its just diggable. It's smart, its hilarious, its serious, its tasty, its classic, it roasts your mind, it generates an ambience, it makes you want to be something illegal. And that's really out of the box smart, its just a unique invention. I'm glad i watched it today to appreciate it, cuz if it came out in the 90's i wouldn't really understand shit about it.

Anyways i'm going to be watching Sliding Doors. All the old movies that bring back old memories of your childhood days. Perfecto.

I can't wait.

mwah.

just a simple drop of flat lines

2007-09-17T04:02:00.001-07:00
Dear you,
Wow, anyways its been ages since i've been really lonely. At times, i do feel lonely but i meant the type of lonely when you just have no one to call because you feel pathetic to call people to talk. The type of lonely when no ones around to give a shit about you or your small back ache. the type of lonely that just keeps you dying inside until someone rescues you by taking you to watch some weird movie. That's the type of lonely i'm highlighting. It's horrible. But i've been through a few years of that, i just make do with the people i have, even if i dont like some of them, at least i try to.
I'm not that lonely now, I'm pretty satisfied with life. I haven't really been a bum, i've just been bumming around, but today after that tiring survey we did..shit i felt like it burnt a bloody hole in my brain. The forced effort really exhausts you like a fuck. I hate studying, somehow this sem i'm really not up for academic action, i'm not really up for proper education. I'm not up for an empty class and its empty seats. Im not up for cafeteria breaks and endless views of the freshies wearing hideous clothes. I'm not up for anything actually. I'm open to the bed, the place where all my thoughts sink in for the night and turn into dreams, some nightmares, some beautiful and colorful. Just the way i like my life to run, in dreamland manner.
I'm here smoking my cigarette, these Marlboros are always here with me in times of need and for small emergencies. When i think about who's been there for me, no one beats these sticks. I've cut down though, i used the nicotine patch, i wish i could quit naturally with all the willpower and crap, but hey either way i'm cutting down by enormous chunks. It feels better for my body, now i have space to breath and think while i still enjoy these babies of mine.
i've been quite a depressed log for a few weeks, even the short trip to Bali didn't do much for me, but it was fun. Fun is fun, it doesnt mean it kills the sadness and stress. It just makes you forget for like an hour, then again, it boomerangs back and puts you right back in the hardcore side of life.
i finally watched THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS. I thought it was brilliant. The type of movie you need to have a cigarette to. As gwyneth paltrow (Margot)slowly takes drags in nearly every episode throughout the whole movie, you will soon realize by the end of the movie that you've been smoking like a train.
I had a small talk with Brian, he seems depressed but not so at the same time. Some people are pros at pinning their lives in the shit hole. Some dont see the shit hole. I think its healthy for him to be sad at times, i mean complaining helps you realize that you're being such a nag. As time passes you will soon see that you're being an old hag that loves the art of nagging.
I've been quite bored these days with the way things are going in my bubble. I dont know when it will pop for me to see more things. It's just a flat line all the way, no heart beat, no speed bumps, just a long road of boredom awaits me.
I guess i have to get my ass off this seat and do something else. I've had enough time doing this.
i'm off now, to somewhere.
bellio

chef belly

2007-08-31T04:38:00.000-07:00
Hey you,
i haven't been doing much lately, just been floating my boat, melting the candle, going with the flow. I've been letting nothing direct me. I have no direction these days, just lingering my thoughts and goals in another island while i mantain this bum bum ness. I'll be hardworking soon though, there are a couple of group projects that make my mind tick. And it's gonna get me itchy if no one has any sense of responsibility. I'm not saying i'm always the leader, i'm just saying that i can't stand it when people dont handle things and leave it in a clutter. I hate clutters, they are fuckin assholes. they ruin your life by blocking it with piles of shit. John and i have been hanging out quite a fair bit, we do laid back activities like board games, watching movies, analyzing each others comments and opinions. I think its healthy, it's great. Finally, the time has come, we are true to each other. These past few months have been odd, we were that insecure. But now, now im happy. I managed to shove myself through the hole instead of avoiding it like i always do. I do meaningful things now like take a drive, enjoy the nightlife outdoors instead of the nightlife i've experienced in clubs. I just drink hot tea and sit and talk. That's what i do. I love what i do.
There are many things i have yet to explore here. We're making plans, lots of em, we wanna go hiking, white water rafting, exploring stuff, and well we both just wanna be happy. A realization hit me a few days back, the realization of how uptight i used to be in relationships, how selfish and prideful i once was. Now when i think about myself and look at that pathetic image, i hate that part of me, the heartless side, perhaps i should be more of myself instead of protecting myself. It's like i seem to think that every guy i dates gonna get back at me, so hide in my stupid nutshell and just wait till the trouble no longer looks like trouble then i just get out and start more trouble i guess. Well i want to stop that, i want to manage this life, i want to understand my partner, i want to understand what it is like to have a beautiful relationship instead of giving up on it. I want to understand why i have to bear with the ugliness and be patient. I find that through the ugly, there's always another side you'll set foot in, that's the reality of things, the beauty of how relationships and people. It's unique, every person you're committed to changes you and vice versa. You do different thinks, get a taste of different types of humor and its just a big difference. At least you dont do the same darn things.
I'll be going to bali for two days soon, i dont know why i'm going, but mainly cuz of my mother and the bintangs. I want to get really tan and just worn out my skin, i'm sick of looking so pale and dead. I want some color. i want some fun.
Another thing i plan to do is cook. check out the recipes. Test my patience on the cook book more like it. I will try out something easier, then it'll be more complicated, then it will come to marinating bits and pieces. The type of cooking that requires more than a few knives and bowls here and there. The ones with impossible ingredients, herbs, and shit like that. Just those amazing shits. I watched Ratatouille, i swear to god, that movie rocked. Fucking inspired me to actually cook. haha..
anyways will get back to you another day, fingers are dying on me.
till then, when i complete the recipe.
mwah,.

My ML500

2007-07-17T19:25:00.000-07:00
Greetings Mojito.
It's amazing how internship has given me so much time to dwell with you. To write with you and share my deep and dark thoughts. haha i kid, i kid. Anyways, i miss Will Ferrell, i haven't spotted him in any upcoming movies. Even the rumors don't say shit these days. Maybe i 'm just apart from E Channel, so i'm lost entertaintment wise. But it's not such a big deal for me, i just love Will Ferrell, i haven't even watched ELF yet. Can you imagine? John says its one of his finest flicks. So i'ma check that shit out. haha we're both Will Ferrell Fanatics. I had a really bad day yesterday, i was tired from work, i had a chitty chat with Kelly, we reminisced, we gossiped, we did what we could do given the time was nearly midnight. And both of us are under internship so we need to finish our last week and set a clean record. So both of us were already tired but the conversation reminded me of the old days when she would sleep over and we would tease guys and people. Those days were so fuckin memorable, i'll never forget that. If i need some fun, Kelly will deliver it to me. I miss her man. It's been dust years, i always say. Man, Michael learns to Rock is coming to town, i do not recall liking them, but their songs are so tacky and cheesy that you just keep singing it or thinking about it. It's a freakin cliche Karaoke song, they have that karaoke beat that all these expensive chinese karaoke centers in Kota have. Like people with bad english will sing along to these songs because its so easy to follow the beat and words. They sound the same, god dammit, it sounds the same. Like paint my love, nothing to lose, you took my heart away? All the same shit. Same shit yo. Anyways, i was thinking to myself about personal goals? I never thought about what car i'd like to buy for myself. I'm just thinking of moving to Spain with family, get a bungalow, and live our lives learning how to speak the language. It's fun, don't you think? I dont know that's my goal. I dont know if i'll ever touch it...but it's so easy for a goal to erase, that's when your thoughts and needs change, then your goals either become harder to achieve or too easy. But i was thinking if i had a goal, I don't really need a sports car or whatever. I am a big Mercedez fan, but i do not mind the BMW 6 bloody fuckin beautiful series. Now that's the best shit BMW came up with. Anyways the car i would want to be realistic about in this life i have is the 2007 MERC ML500 SUV. Fucking gorgeous SUV. That's probably the car of my choice now. As for sports, we're talking cars that cost just as much as elite houses or perhaps even more. I'd go for the MERC 2006 SLR McLaren. Ohmyfuckin god, it really pumps up the adrenaline rush in me. It's a hot car. It's the car i'll be glad with. I swear. I just like it. But for now my goal is to at least buy my mum something big, something that will surprise her. And i will. I strongly believe i can.
Fuck i miss bali, i miss the smell of the incense stix, i just miss it. I know i go there often but so what you know..its great, i love it.
Anyways im looking forward to Bandung, the last time i went there i was still fat. I can recall that. anyways mwah..love

that wish-i got it.

2007-07-16T21:39:00.000-07:00
Lastnight, i was granted one small wish. A meaningful one. John finally understood what i wanted from him, we finally managed to share our dreams and desires, our likes and dislikes without a single argument. I congratulate this relationship, i guess sensitivity really does affect people. It always does, it puts yourself down. What can i say, we are all stupid HUMAN BEANS (quote Janice) i like that term, we are beans, we think like beans at times. I dont recall when we are ever really understanding and smart. There is not one day where we go by not doing something stupid.
The conversation was solid, it lasted for hours. It was enjoyable for me. That finally the guy that i once hated to be in a relationship with, broke up with several times, finally got around to digging into my brain. Gathering my thoughts and empathizing. That is his job, my job is to give him the confidence every man wants..that confidence, the drive.
Yeah that just really made my day. I dont mind skipping my beauty sleep for this talk. Its amazing, what it can do, how it can make two stubborn people wake up to a point of realization.
I'm going to cut it short right now. for love, cheers.
A toast to thelast week of internship, time to get serious.
cheppi

the world, sweet but frustratin'

2007-07-02T19:07:00.000-07:00
Hey you little whore.
haha. Anyways i've been so random these days. This applies to my thoughts, my life, my surroundings, my friends, my boyfriend, my food, my drinks, my hours, my life again. It's an upside down life i'm living right now. Back home, it's my life of whcih i'm used to and everythings just there for you to grab. Here..i go find things to grab and it's getting really tiring. Even with my own boyfriend, he's so spoilt..he needs me to give him attention. We had this weird fight this morning, the stupidest shit ever..i swear i regret it wholeheartedly. Arguing about whether or not i watch CNN? Excuse me John, i've been watching CNN everyday to check the latest updates about the WORLD. It's just that the stories focusing on the states is much more interesting than the world news. Thats all. And we fought about that. Really, fuck ur attitude JOhn, fuck it. It's annoying me like a fat fly on shit.
I want to go back home so bad, i dont remember the last time i enjoyed my morning and evening drags sitting on my black ikea couch while sipping off to hot tea or a hot milo. I dont remember just relaxing after a nice warm shower and feeding my eyeballs with cool books and those Asian Ghost stories. I don't remember my "ALONE" time. When will i ever get my alone time? I think i should move out to a studio Apartment. No housemates, no extra expenses, no dirt, no problems. Just mine. I'm beign so selfish right now, but i would kill to breathe alone and to eat alone and to freakin read a book alone wtihout people asking me wht the books about and where did i get it and all that fuckin shit. I miss those times with just me. I miss creating things, making cards, drinking a beer, just being alone keeps you on track. Because you get time to focus on yourself adn your thoughts. Which means your thoughts won't be interrupted or crossed over by people who disagree with em or have their own thoughts to voice out. Yknow..you dont need that shit everyday (which is what i've been getting every bloody day) it's frustrating. It sucks the life out of me. Keeps me motionless, expressionless, quiet, and bitchy. And i hate being like that, its a natural reaction when you've been spending a huge amount of time with the same person. So true. I'm sure he's feeling the same way too. Yknow having a girlfriend that can barely control her temper, walks away because she likes to avoid confrontation. Doesn't give enough shit about him when he's sick. I'm sure he feels like i treat him like shit. I dont know man. Do i? I really needa learn that part of me. All my friends are slowly making me realize that this is me, the bitch, or the ass, either way..it works..im both of em.
im out. annoyed really at the world.

bumble bee.

2007-07-01T23:30:00.000-07:00
Hey there blogster pants.

Yeah i spent two days in Indo...it was hectic. But i had fun with don and muri. Anyways i asked Don about Putra, apparently she loves him but she's not in love with him. Yknow what? That term is awesome, i completely agree with it. That's probably how i feel for John, and all along, i was just confused whether i was in love because i'm most definitely not in love with him. I just love him for the things he's done, the things he does, the affection he gives me, the hot milo he bothers to make. All these things, i love him for. Its more of an external thing, as in i love him for the things he has done for me, but i do not love him deeply for who he is. I'm not in love yet, i'm not so sure if i will or not. So thank god i was talking to Don about this, if not, i'd be doomed to explain myself to him.
John and i are going great, i was gone for two days, but i kept thinking about him, which was odd..because normally when i'm with family, everything else fades. He didn't. I kept wondering what his itinerary was over the weekends with the dudes..i just sat on my couch and pondered on whether or not he could be the right one. Klaudius thinks i should marry him, and yknow what..when i think about marriage with John, it's not so bad, but it doesn't feel right yet. Yeah really doesn't quite feel right. And it's still a big leap. I mean c'mon lets be realistic, i'm really young, i haven't really gotten a chance to be successful yet, i ain't gonna let marriage get in the way. People who wanna marry fast are just desperate fucks. I mean please...i need to stabilize myself financially. I need to own my own property, i need all these things before i get going to marriage.
Yeah...i dont know..but lastnight was a beautiful night, although i didn't get enough sleep, those hours talking and stuff were entertaining. I liked it a lot. Just felt like he's someone i could rely on when i'm hurt or feeling blue. He's my lover and my confidant. I just realized all this. Fuckin amazing huh.
Like for once, it feels right, it feels genuine..this stir of emotions between us. It just feels so right now...no more of those awkwardness. No more.
It's just me, him, and a great conversation and plenty of lovin'.
Okay, transformers was awesome..seriously it was so fuckin awesome, i dont know how to explain it.but the robots were awesome! I liked optimus prime and bumble bee. Dude it was just wow..magnificent. Entertaining. Cool.

about a boy. the one i want.

2007-06-25T19:55:00.000-07:00
About two days ago, i realized to myself that we all deserve a second chance. Even if we don't deserve it, at least we know what it feels like to give or get a second acceptance after the guilt. For the first time in my life, i let go of him but took him back because when i looked at his face, i knew he needed to be forgiven, like he had nothing else to say. When people are speechless, i believe that that's where the most guilt is. I don't want to keep reminding myself of what happened, it's the past and i have already forgiven him so there's nothing much i can look forward to except major improvement between us and room for pure understanding and amazing sex. I believe that will be the key to a healthy relationship.
I just realized my type of guy as well. He has to be completely responsible, doesn't laze around in bed too often unless he's really sick once in a while. He has to be more successful than me, he has to be career-driven, ambitious, powerful, a knock out, just great at arguments with me to the extend of me agreeing. He has to understand me yet tell me off in a smooth way so i will fall even more for it instead of blow my buttons. I need him to be creative and cute and smart and he has to be intellectual...a charismatic chap. He has to get along well with my friends, he has to love animals the same way i do, he has to have experiences that will amaze me. He has to play sports with me, he has to play pool with me and beat me. I need someone like this, someone so tough, someone that could turn me on this way. He has to drink tiger beer with me whether he likes it or not, because when i need beer, i need it to chillax..and i want him to do it with me even if he has some sort of diarrhea, or even if he's sick and feels like puking. He has to juggle the time of playing the good and bad boy role. He has to be versatile, flexible to situations, knowing that i'm gonna stir up the fight and verbally abuse him with words. He has to know im mean but love me for the way i am. I know its selfish, but i need that for once..i need that attention...i barely ask for attention, barely ever. I dont think i do. That's waht i realized. But of course i can never get this mad combo all in one bloke. I guess i have to date itsy bitsy parts of it in every guy so i can confirm that in life, no dude...can ever be what i want and i have to live with the sad fuckin fact that i have to adapt to every type of bad quality he has. He has to be a great fucking flirt, he has to have the best jokes, he has to laugh at my jokes for me, he has to make me pancakes for breakfast, he has to cook for me. He has to just love me and love me when i least deserve it, cuzthats when i need it most. He has to love my mother and my mother has to love him back. He has to take care of my sisters, so i wouldn't worry so much. He has to take care of me when i'm a living hell. That's the only way i could love a guy, if he's like this. If there's anyone like this ever..i will fall madly in love with him. But is there anybody like this fantasy? No there isn't. Anyways, i'm attached, why am i wanting all this. Guess it hasn't come out from him yet and i keep waiting for the right time for him to show me all these things without leaving a single clue whatsoever. But so far, i'm glad i met him. Really i am. I just dont know how long this relationship will last, whether it will hit off. It's a pretty serious relationship between us...really. And the question is are both of us willing to move to the next chapter?
Peace.

earth to bella

2007-06-19T22:36:00.000-07:00
Today's the day to just be back at work. I was sick for two days. Well i felt sick. haha. I dont know maybe it's just the thought of hitting the cubicle, makes me all claustrophobic and stuck. What's really pathetic is that when i get into the pantry to have my casual drags and i stare outside the window at the city, i start to really appreciate it. It's beautiful during the day, without the lighting, just with the sunlight that reflects on the trees. You can see that everything is accompanied by shadows all at once. Really nice view. The feeling of being released at the end of the day is one major relief. And i'm here inside the office, blocked from feeling the heat of the sun, just inside here, stuck in a freezer with no warmth beside me. I met john for lunch, he looked really sick, like his eye bags were purple, not grey, it just made me feel so sorry for him. I care about him a lot,but i dont know if he appreciates the attention i give him. Everytime he tells me i dont bother, it really frustrates me. I'm not that heartless, i live, i breathe the same air you all do, except the only thing that segregates us is our thinking, our tolerance, the ability to control anger or just splurt it out like a mean bitch. That's me, i splurt it out until it affects people and in the end i am filled with regret. But after all the regretting, why do i still continue to do the same? Is it because they are doing the same thing all over again, and that just shows people barely change. IF they changed, i'd change. I have made sacrifices, i have done the same. After all, i'm human, i do the same things and i need the same things. I need attention sometimes, i dont think i'm being spoilt. I just think i deserve these things sometimes, i just think that i need some tender lovin' care after a cold day at work. Just like how you get out from the pool and the winds just right there to freeze the shit outta you. Imagine, you have no towels to warm you up, wouldn't it be nice if someone could just wrap you up in that warmth and comfort? Wouldn't it be nice? It is to me.
I dont know what's been happening. Maybe i dont show that i care enough when he's sick and tired of arguing. Maybe i just push him to argue when he's weak. Maybe i'm just pure evil. Maybe i'm regretting being evil. Maybe i'll show him some more love and affection.
I watched Fantastic 4,the silver surfer. It was pretty good shit for me. I didn't watch the previous one, just this. I thought the graphics were fuckin realistic. I thought it wasn't too long or short, it flowed smoothly, kept me entertained. I was satisfied. I like the silver surfer. We had this relation, this chemistry. haha...he's gonna take me out on his board..we're gonna go downtown and party till the crack of dawn! haha..whoosh.
okay i'm fucked. My brain is.
Anyways, i can't wait to mr.elmomo gets back here, i wanna freakin give him a tight ass hug and just see how much weight he's jiggled off. haha. Can't wait to eat nasi kandar and just talk like old times, just rest and relax. ahhh miss you elmomoku!
Anyways..i guess blogging has its ending. This is the end for now.
adios.

i'm just tired.

2007-06-14T21:43:00.000-07:00
Hello torture chamber,
the torture chamber im in right now is an office in disguise. It has this stoic ambience that deeply affects you and it really is a silent killer. bang bang. Not just that, most of the time i'm online and reading CNN news or checking out animal pictures in national geographic.com. But hey, i'm still living my life at the workplace. I try to find something to do. Sooner or later when it approaches evening time i will be covered in paperwork or tvc edits which I find quite fun actually. Today it's a friday, what do i feel like doing? Was planning to watch FANTASTIC FOUR. But some of my friends want to take me clubbing, they said that i've turned into an old lady, always staying at home and only chilling,not living up to a teenagers standard of FUN and GETTING WILD. THey were like "what happened to you bel?" And my response is simple and clear cut..i said "I'm just tired." OH ya fuck, i have a 2 hour full-body massage appointment at 7pm. I desperately need to cleanse my body with hot oil and a great steam dip. haha. I wanna go all dimsum. Just need to moisturize myself, my life. The thing is, i'm getting really fair now, and i'm not liking it. I dont mind flying down to BALI just to get a quick tan. I dont mind. As long as i dont go back to the pale tone. I'm good. It just makes me look sad and sick.
Goodbye, i'm so fucking bored now actually, its LUNCH HOUR. But i've already munched on lunch and i'm waiting for JOhn.
anyways...see you peeps.
BELLIO__

ms. jolie

2007-06-12T19:54:00.000-07:00
Early mornings spent facing a computer are really not that fascinating.

Everyday i just sit, look around, go to the pantry for my awakening drags, eat me breakfast, and come back to warm up a seat that is still infact warm.

I don't know maybe i'm not cut out for the workplace, maybe i'm not cut out to be locked up in a working environment. Everything is still and the people are always routinely busy, everyone just remains stationary. Perhaps im a newbie here so it gives me the right to complain, but honestly speaking, i do not like the 9-6 hour.

I dont know it depends, when they give me things to do then i feel content. If they don't give me things to do, i sit around like some dope waiting for assignments. It really is that boring that it has to resort to me asking for work to do. Normally, i just escape from work. But this time, i'm being graded for performance. There's a freakin evaluation form of which the superiors will fill out, in there it states my working performance and ability to communicate with clients and the other employees in euro.

There's like this contract and if i fuck it up, i guess my grades are fucked then i guess it will leave a dirty stain in my academic record. And i do not want that do i? Of course not! Fuck i need to buy Incubus' latest album but i keep forgetting and i keep going home tired after work and i dont know just dont feel like going shopping.

Anyways two days back we abducted a kitten from mamak MOSIN. At first i strongly disapproved because i personally hate cats and how they are so unpredictable. Just scares the shit out of me. So normally when we leave cats outside or let it go it does not bother to come back. This cat's different, it freakin came back to us and slept in a shoe box right infront of the porch. It's really cute, its personality is amazing. I've never met a cat like that ever. I named it Jolie because it reminds me of angelina jolie, it has that look, that mysterious psycho beauty look. It's better looking than angelina though. The way it fishes for attention is odd, it freakin pole dances around your calves and if you dont look at it, it'll just sit down and look up at you innocently. HOw fuckin cute is that? And once you feed it, it stops meowing, and when no ones around it sleeps like a pig.
I don't know,i'm starting to get used to these exotic creatures. Im a pro with dogs,but cats? hmm..i have yet to learn.

I'm actually looking forward to buying a collar with a tiny bell for it. You know what i feel like going home. I think i will after the internship, it ends on the 20th of July. So i'll try to make it for a few days or so. Just wanna be home with mum and sisters.

Anyways, i'm over with bloggin
cu

it would be a good afternoon

2007-06-10T22:08:00.000-07:00
A great afternoon for some hot tea and crumbles.

What i have to do later after work:
1. Pay my bills, bills, bills
2. Purchase Incubus' latest album entitled "Light Grenades"
3. Cheer up me baby
4. Brush up in pool
5. Complete "Dress your family in Corduroy and Denim"

That's all that's in line for today. That's all i want to be up to.

I feel so bad that i can't make it home to jtown. I really wanted to spend time with my mother when she dropped by in KL. Just that, i had to split my time between john and her. She had a companion, so i thought it was ok to just leave em alone and not interrupt. Then when she arrived indo, she called me to tell me that my two sisters had gone off to do their own things.

I really want to fly down and just be alone with my mother, re-do our old days. Spending time with her, having high tea at the hyatt, drink hot tea and eat our biscuits british style. I just want to do all that. Can i?
I'm trying to sort out my responsibilities here first. But they seem to never end. Shit.

I just want to:
-go home and eat home cooked food
-be there for my mum
-read a book in peace
-have tea in an unfamiliar place
-smile all day

That's all i can give you.

Feeling the love? At this moment,i'm not.

I'll see you then.

rough morning, rough day.

2007-06-04T18:48:00.000-07:00
Morning,morning. I had a pretty rough moment with John lastnight. I went to meet my friends over at cyber for dinner. And since John smashed his own car a few weeks back, i know how he feels. Basically, we're stuck together so i don't get enough space till i get to the office and he doesn't get enough space until he drops me at the office and picks me up. It's a hassle, it's stressful to live this way, but i'm hoping it will not be permanent. My life with John is splendid, it can be i know it. It's just that we are both not used to this messy lifestyle therefore our moods twist up and we take it out on each other. I just really wanted to spend more time with my friends, to just cope up with them. I just feel restricted, like i have a time limit, John doesn't get that..at times he could be a little selfish and oblivious. I'm surprised i didn't end things,normally i would. But i have to let it go with the flow...i can't just jump off leaving the problem behind. I guess i've never given anybody the chance to explain themselves. I too am selfish. More selfish than my partner actually.
Be right back. Need an intensive drag session.
Intensive drag session taken. Now i have the smoke in me to write. The inspiration we humans get from nicotine. haha. Okay this months period is affecting me,making me yearn for morning, lunch, and dinner chocolate. Shito. I've been having these chocolate cravings since sunday god dammit. I went swimming two days back, man it was cool, the feeling of going through the midnight waves. It was the chill that made it fun, the type of breeze that makes you feel like you're really in the world and that it's not some studio background or some shit. Its that thrill of just jumping into water at an odd hour, when the pool lights are off and everything is just quiet and still until you interrupt it. It's beautiful really. I have to keep swimming. Then again, my red month has come, can't at the moment.
Murti's birthdays tomoro and I feel that i'm so fuckin irresponsible. I haven't gotten her a gift yet..somehow i have a feeling she will read this entry. It's one of those feelings. I haven't gotten her anything yet, but i know it will be some sort of modern vintage. Something that suits her skin, perhaps some flashes of gold and mundane green, hints of colors that look ugly when they are by themselves but when combined with other dull colors,they look magnificent. She needs those types, she fits those types and its a compliment. Cuz i really do like those kind of colors that are dull and boring alone but with the powers combined..dullness=the new in thing man.
I'm really not a fashion expert, i basically just put on whatever i have on. Seriously when it comes to clubbing, i seriously barely ever dress up. If i dress up, that means im really in the mood to just be sexy and have fun. But most of the time..im just with my tanks and jeans and sandals. Kalo ngk bisa masuk, ya udah slip on the same heels i've been using for the last couple of months. But i do need to shop for heels, i do. Just haven't found the right type yet. I dont understand how don don can get so many man, she's the fashion expert. But her clothes fit her yknow, like no one else could fit Donna's clothing line. I follow that hobo lifestyle look except i'm just cleaner and more accessorized. I dont know i have my days when i feel like shining, but most of the time i'm drained down from internship..i think of comfort more than anything else. Comfort spells out a navy green sweater with a huge ass hood, washed out jeans, brown leather belt, and a simple BLACK u2 singlet inside..and brown flats...flats..flats..and of course my two favorite beaded bracelets,never forget them. Thats basically me everyday, everywhere, unless an occassion pops up. Sounds very unattractive. haha i am very unattractive. I just dont have the days of dressing up anymore. I dont like mixin and matching no more, i just wear what there is to wear in my boring closet. At times i see all these bright happy colors i'd love to dig myself into..but unfortunately i've abandoned them for an uglier set of clothes. Sometimes i just wanna wear all my necklaces that i've worn in the pass, but today..i no longer have the mood to wear anything on my neck. My shoes...god..i wish i could wear all of em at one go..but i just wear the same sandals, the same flats. What has happened to me? Even my own boyfriend thinks i'm too casual for certain outings. Like it was his big bachelor event so he figured i'd dress up like some princess, instead i came looking like an expensive maid. Yeah i was wearing a white singlet, jeans, and pumps. He thought i was underdressed. Now im actually beginning to feel that i have to sacrifice comfort to please him. I'm always with the attitude of not giving a shit of how i look infront of others..i mean i didn't think i looked thatbad..i was just not fit enough to match his decent suit. I dont know why i'm just fuckin lazy to go parading in my stilettos and fuckin fancy tops that are long, drawn, and shiny. I mean cmon man...all the girls out there that are willing to really dress like that, i salute them all the way. Ok i'll try to wear something more than casual..something that shows my tits...something that just looks shiny with all the little bits of sequins tossed across the shoulder line. I'll dress like a friggin celeb. haha..NOT. I guess i would consider showing up more "in" place.
Just had lunch with mr.john...i didn't really enjoy it because today we were both boring and very NOT loving. I dont know i needed a hug, he needed attention but i didn't give him any. C'mon give me a break man, i ain't feeling so well. Sometimes guys are just such attention seekers, sometimes they just get on your nerves. Later on, i feel like just sinking into bed and my cool dreams rather than look at his sulky sad spoilt face. It just puts me into a world of rage.
I'm not really having a nice day, feeling tired.
adios.

korean bbq

2007-06-04T02:25:00.000-07:00
Hey dude,
I'm getting pretty used to this cubicle thing. Although i prefer LB much more, i have no choice but to undergo the office hours. It's cool. Now i know what it feels like to live the reality college/uni days prepare you for. Its pathetic actually. They teach us nothing but nonsense, we study so hard adn then come out to work, then whatever is taught by the book does not apply to what we call work.
It's funny how my supervisors wanna challenge me to a pool match. Lets see who wins, they look like their fuckin pros so i'll just back out anytime man. haha.
Dude...i miss my friends..ever since this relationship started..i felt that my friendship with friends slowly parted. So sooner or later, i have to learn how to balance my time, learn how to split myself properly.
Dude,i ate the best korean bbq ever for the first time in my life, it was magnificent..the pork. And im really not the type of person that craves to eat pork, onlywhen its cooked in a dish and i have no option,i'll dig onit. But this time...i wanted more and more...i feel like i have sinned. Porks just not my thing. But now i can see why its so fuckin delicious. Koreans have their way with meat.
So today was a pretty weird day...it seems like the clock doesn't tickone bit..but the time is actually passing.
I miss my mother.....i dont get her..how could she travel everywhere and not feel lethargic. Now she's in germany and i have no idea where she will go to next..but i wish i was with her, travelling and eating and eating and drinking my time away.
Man i guess i gotta go home soon..johns pickin me up and this is all thats on my mind. Today i am pretty empty-minded.
Adios..adios...

the L WORD.

2007-05-31T19:48:00.000-07:00
Im in the cubicle again. I was absent twice this week due to severe migraines and a weak stomach. I have no idea what its called when you combine those two problems. I don't know how it started..i just remember stressing myself out about everything. Just recently, i've picked up a new series for my eyes to scroll on. It's the 'L'word..at first it was all about lesbians fucking. But now its getting pretty intense, its basically about how lesbians live in this world. The scene takes place in LA and a few friends, bisexuals and gays, who have slept and experimented with each other. Its just amazing how they have great sex with the same sex.
Not that i'm interested to venture into this whole lesbian thing. I just think that they are sweet and take things more seriously. In a way, i respect them.
I know for a fact that i'm completely straight, i'm just into guys. They satisfy me. I dont know how to seek affection and pleasure from the same sex. It wouldn't make me feel secure and guarded.
Different people have different mindsets, most lesbos i see running around here are obvious, i mean one will always be the butch and the other will tag along like a bitch. So yeah that sums it up. But there are pairs that are both beautiful and hot...you can't tell their fuckin each other. You think they are in a relationship with hot men or something,but no they've actually had enough of them.
Gawd..i miss my mother, i miss her cookin' and her lovin. I feel like going home but there's something stopping me..well besides the internship, i sense there's something greater that's telling me not to go. I just dont wanna go anymore, i feel like being at home, but i dont feel like going to Jakarta. I just want my home. Thats all. I miss my sisters too...damn. Didn't get the chance to hang out with them the last trip they made here..oh well.
Seriously once this whole internship is over..it will be a big relief for me. I just want to rest at home and watch movies. I just want to gather my thoughts before i end my final semester. I just want to relax.
That's just it for now. Its gotta be.
see u.

the beach. thats where my mind is.

2007-05-28T23:31:00.001-07:00
Right now, i'm seated looking at you in a cubicle. I'm thinking about bali, the breeze and the jimbaran seafood. I'm thinking of eating again. I'm just thinking about dipping myself into the water while the hot sun sets down to bake my skin. I just like to imagine things that put me at ease. Recently, i've been so stressed out, i dont know how it feels, but John tends to stress me out at times. Not just him, it's just everyone, how i'm pressured from one whole day of stress and i come home to even more stress when really i wanna go home to a splash of wild kisses and teddy bear hugs. He gets pissed at me when i get pissed at him, then in the end we both end up pissed. I can see at this point of the relationship, we've both grown because believe me it was a lot more dramatic with the constant arguments and fights in the beginning. I dont know if i'll be able to grow up ever, but i find myself a more understanding person. Usually, when i've gone through alot of stress and pressure and whoever just keeps adding the weight on me, i'd just breakdown and explode. I tend to blurt out things i dont mean, in result i regret saying the things i never meant to say. I really do respect people that can tolerate people who get on their nerves, i mean how the fuck do they do that? It's like you have your own stress to handle and solve, but imagine other people adding their stress on you, i mean how does it feel, it actually gives me a backache. I swear,stress really does affect you physically. It makes you sick of everyone, disgusted, then you wake up the next morning not feeling well and all nauseous and shit. That's what happens to me, stress leads to so many things, it leads to forgetting your meals, it leads to not being able to sleep, it leads to bad moods and break ups and everything just turns to sour cream. Not that i broke up with him, i realized that breaking up with him over one bloody BIGFAT fight was actually childish and wrong. I guess we just dont understand each other, so i wanna understand him more. In a way i'm trying to get serious with him, sooner or later it might happen. I know i haven't known him for long, but the experience and memories shared were meaningful and well lets just say that one week with him really makes a difference in my life. It changes my perception of things. It's pretty amazing...but oh well he's amazing and the most important thing is that he gives a shit about me and wouldn't bother me to death. That's all i need from him.
I would kill to laze on the beach and just freakin play with the sand and tan while sipping off a baby coconut. Now that sounds like a nice moment. Cuz the moment i'm having right now? Uhuh..nowhere near happiness.
Damn i want don don and mur muri to come...damn damn i dont know kapan...i gotta get my schedule listed in my thick head.
cu bebe...me running out.

starfruit tree

2007-05-24T21:45:00.000-07:00
Hey booster,
anyways im so bored at the office, i really dont know what to do. I had breakfast alone and now i'm going to have lunch alone. There was suppose to be this beer party thing going on in the pantry, i hope its good. Definitely carlsberg..but im wishin it was a tiger.
I just realized that people online barely say hi. I'm the one who initiates the conversation,i'm the one who says hello. Is that sad? haha. Oh well maybe cuz its lifeless here rightnow, so i have nothing to do.
I'm missing murti and ishtine so bad rightnow. Wish they were here man, wish they could just make me laugh while i'm doing work. haha
It would be nice to have starfruit juice right now, that is actually my favorite fruit juice. Maybe its cuz when i grew up, my dad would really take care of our baby starfruit tree in the garden. I used to be able to look down on it, not it looks down on me. It's really beautiful, enormous too. Know what was funny, i was having an odd conversation with my dad about how me and my sisters have growned tremendously..then i thought my dad said "yeah you have alotta mangoes too" and i was like "wtf?" and my sister was like "omg, no you dodo..he meant there are alotta mangoes in the garden rightnow" andi waslike "oh shit...cuz if he meant what he meant...it'll be fuckin gross to me".
haha..anyways that was funny.
I handled my grandmas funeral pretty well, i didn't shed a tear..i dont carewhat people think, that im heartless or cold-hearted its not that. It's just that i tend to bleed tears internally more than show it. Unless there'sno space inside to cry, i guess it will overflow n thats when people see me cry. She looked peaceful, so peaceful...she didn't look like some stiff dead body in a coffin, she looked lively...intact...and it was just beautiful when i stared at her waiting for a response (knowing i'll get none). God...i miss her and i miss him, i miss them both. I hope they're enjoying their time together to make up for all the years of heartache and bitchin'. Mary and Joseph, may you rest in peace.
I gotta go now. lunch time with johnny boy.
mwahhhh.

tied in those knots, crazy ones.

2007-05-23T22:28:00.000-07:00
Hey you, yeah you..
wow its been a while since our last date. I've been busy with this internship thing, i'm in euro rscg, its great and i hope i will be learning loads. The first few days are a little still so i've been stickin my mind to different bestseller novels. Which kinda makes me confused. Anyways, i'm loving my life so far..well besides the "waking up early" mornings and "sleeping early" nights. I can handle the pressure of cutting a portion of my life. Well nothing much has been done these days..i've been spending alotta time with John and i'm lovin his company. He's been so sweet to me and i'm pretty committed actually. It takes time for me to really sink in into these relationships. I need to think, think, and think. I really am an "i dont know" person. I'm very decisive when it comes to planning events and where i wanna chill with friends, but when it turns to relationships, it leaves me indecisive about certain things that could mess one up. We have been arguing loads and loads and truck loads. But when i come to think about it, those arguments do have a solution, so why not we try to solve it? I nearly fought with him yesterday, given that both of us do have our similarities and that is: always having to be right. always wanting to win.
But oh well i've won a few. Now lets get to the point of what is there to win? When i give it a bloody long dreadful thought...there's absolutely nothing to win. Your pride is nothing. I know its easy to say,cuz i'm a very prideful person..i just like to be protected..so i get really defensive in arguments. But anyways, these long hours need alotta gettin' used to...i'm not immune to it just yet. I will be though, sooner or later...with the morning meetings, the scheduling, the morning milo and marlboro drag, the constant pantry drags and tea drinkin'. It's cool you see, that advertising does have its flexibilities, that is the workflow in every org...its all different, i got a pretty flexible one. Just as long as the works done on time..then the case is settled,no need for discipline. K maybe punctuality does make a difference to them. I'm getting graded baby. So therefore, i come early and i leave at 6pm sharp or perhaps 630 when they give me last minute work to do.
I can't remember the last time i played pool? Wow that was dust years ago..i swear..its been a while between me and the cue stick..lets go crack some balls. haha k that came off more than nasty. I miss pool more than i miss my sisters. I'm gonna play this weekend to see whether my level of skill has plunged down tremendously or not. I think it did. I'm not consistent in terms of i play today and i do great,but then after not having played for a week or so, my skills droooooooop deeeeaaaad.
I feel that i'm getting really old. LIke really really old. WHy is that? Is it cuz i see young kids doing what young kids like me use to do? Or is it cuz i'm introduced to a very new environment, the environment that actually involves alotta work. THe type of environment where people actually dont wait to do their assignments, they just live and survive doing these tasks for a living. Can you imagine doing assignments from 9-6? Can you? That could seriously put a hole in my brain. They just keep going on and on with a few lunch and ciggarette breaks here and there. Speaking of ciggarette breaks, i desperately have to go for one.
It turns out that i went for lunch now. I had a berry banana smoothie and a turkey croissant. Doesn't that sound yum? It was fantastic, just wanted to share that with you.
Now i'm proceeding to what you call boredom at its best. haha. I watched the premiere of Pirates of the Carribean. Shit. It was truly disturbing (slow, dramatic, boring) basically.
I dont know didn't like it.
I need to watch a good movie with john..we're always fated to watch suck ass movies...i liked hills have eyes2 the best tho..among the other movies we've watched. Haha..so sad isn't it? berry berry sado.
Man i miss home, i wanna touchdown in jtown and just feel the indo air..just chill in the cafes and just be at home. I just wanna go home but now that i'm stuck here, its not such a wise decision. And i haven't been spendin much time with my booster..so i guess i'll stay and play the safe game. haha.
Tomorrows me babys big night...so called eligible bachelor, no longer eligible cuz he's taken by moi. haha...its gonna be a gay night filled with crazy fluids and non-stop laughter..i will just laugh it all out...i'm just going to cheer for the other hotties....the other 49 hotties. haha..kiddin. But i just wanna see how he's going to behave. OH behave. haha...
anyways cabut dulu ya...i gotsta get back out of the compo.
lover

the peace is all tha tmattesr

2007-03-31T03:29:00.000-07:00
Todays a great day for me, i'm sitting down at starbux and im observing people. I dont remember when was the lastime i had this much time to do this shit. I liek being alone these days, it just gives me so much space to do whatever it is i wanna do. im going to eat seafood soon and hell yeah i can't wait to smash the crab and feast on its meat. hehe. Anyways i like seafood, its like an improper way of dining and its all outdoors and shit and you got that beer going. Nice huh? I'm just at a happy state now, i feel like i have all the freedom and i like it that way..i dont know i just do.
Im in bangsar village 2, i love it here when its raining, the weather really makes the place cozy. I would love my girlfriends to join me, but im enjoying this part alone to myself. Only to myself. I dont know why i came here, the car just led me here. I turned down invites to come here and get some peace.
anyways times up, gotta go eat my seafood dinner and perhaps a beer will do. Lovely. it's been a long time between me and a carls.
mwah.

a single slice

2007-03-26T04:15:00.001-07:00
Hey bloggy bloggggg,
i've been so fuckin busy, its tough to explain. Will need to elaborate all that shit in about three pages or so. I'm currently in my mid terms so everythings half done, at least i feel that we're halfway through. That's cool. I have no time for parties and no time to live it up in all the fun. I used to be able to neglect studies, but now, it's so easy for me to neglect going out to nightclubs. I feel we should only go when we should really go. There's this video production thing and its really stingin me in my arse about how to work on it. its a group work but final cut pro is not my thing. Computers in general are not my thing. They hate me and well i wish i could love them more than i do right now. I've been cutting down on everything, like seriously, the drinking dont matter no more, the drunkness is out of me, i'm no longer drunk or even half drunk. I haven't been drunk for around half a year? Tipsy..yeah the lastime was in bali..but now when i drink, i dont have to force myself to the limits. My body just naturally rejects the alcohol or just tells me enuf is enuf. So i figure...my bodys not used to all such contents...which is bloody good for me. Fuckk..i miss ishtine and murtito..they are like so precious to me. I feel like muddy crap here just cuz they ain't around to talk to me or make me laugh. Its better havin them than a boyfriend. They make me feel alotttt better. Well there's this really cute guy and i know im not supposed to be into anyone right now, but this dude, he's cool..i find it hot that he's shy and quiet. There's like some seriousness in him that i find sexy. Makes me wanna get to know him more. Let me describe him, he's tall, shaved head, nice built, not like fucking good looking, but he's just so attractive. Oh well..i guess i'll lay off all that guy thing for a bit..no matter how nice or great they are. Shit. I find myself so lost these days..like i thought it was thursday today but it was friggin MONDAY mate! Like how the fuck did that happen? Shit man...i just need my musketeers to come save me from stressed out me. Anyways, i was suppose to go to adelaide to jumpa Dan but i guess we're just not fated to meet. He was so sweet though, to send me money to buy tix. I wouldve paid for myself just that my schedules so fuckin tight but he still insisted. One day i'll visit him, i promise. Haven't seen him in about 2 years plus plus. Time for me to. I miss him in a way that friends miss each other. Who knows we might reunite again? I dont know man...im still thinking about long dis relationships..dont work for me. I dont wanna add probs to both parties..so well realistically, i'm going to just stop all the thinking and just be on my own. I dont need anyone right now to be selfish with me, or argue with me, or seek attention from me, basically, all that relationship crap is so not appropriate right now. I'll stay single for as long as i can and i hope..during this single phase..i will enjoy whatever there is for me to enjoy. I hope i'll enjoy my job, i hope i'll enjoy my friends.
anyways gotta bounce now. time for some editing.

cheeryy belly

2007-03-04T06:17:00.000-08:00
Hey blogger,

soz..been sick for the past week, horrible fever. It was really a high fever man...the sucky thing about this sick journey i've gone through is that the first hospital i went to was suppose to be one of the best, i guess i was wrong. I asked the doc..what can i eat and what can i not eat? He said.."my dear, you can eat everything?" and i asked "even fried chicken?"..he said "go treat urself to it, no problem and you dont need a blood test either". What do i know..when i woke up the next day, my temperature boiled to like 39 degrees and that was bad..i couldn't really think properly, icouldn't look at an object properly. I couldn't focus. So yeah i was suffering. So i went to gleneagles and yay....mr. singh helped me out...gave me a needle poke and yeah...im good now. My blood test was pretty close to the results of dengue fever..but thank god man...i would hate to be admitted again. Anyways i feel great now, i have recovered from all that heat and shit..haha and yeah i can go to college again like a real student. ohlala.
hmm...i miss mur and krispo. gosh..if only we weren't apart..that would be so cool. Then i would know what to do everyday, then i would know who i have everyday.
anyways times up for me...i gotta go do some unfinished article review. wish me luck. its about ethiopia and starbux. hehe..mwah,.
-cherry bellleee..hehe

what we have left behind.

2007-02-13T23:48:00.000-08:00
Life is life, what else can it be? I'm living it..elya just left off like that, that elmo bitch. haha..i miss him to bits but i realized that if i broke down buckets...then i guess he would cry like shit. So i held it in like a motherfucker. I held it alright...then brian started suffering, Rayn too. All of us just miss this little twit. Left us for hot chicks. haha
It's valentines day, but i dont exactly have date...i just have a dinner date..but after that..i dont know man..i want my friends back to hang out with. We'll chill out and lounge and just be all relaxed with our usual convos. I hope i'll enjoy dinner, dates aren't really my thing...to be honest..i dont like dates..i feel locked up..i feel its too romantic..it just is. I haven't had a date for so long, i guess i was just too lazy to. But today, i'm giving this one a shot. If the date goes well, then i'll go well. If he's boring and he can't make me laugh..then i'm sorry..goodbye to him. haha..gawd..im just not in the mood to date..they are all the same..they dont really like me..htey just need a companion. I dont think anyones ever liked me for real before. I dont know...and i dont think i've actually really liked anyone before too..it's the truth..i haven't. No matter how much i show them i like them, it's not all 100% true. I'm just making the effort to keep up with them..then i realize that its all plain stupid. If you ask me who do i really like? I have no answer to that. There is not one single guy out there that fits me, it's like in the end, the relationships just dont last and maybe it's all my fault.
I dont care anymore about relationships, i guess if they come, they come. If they don't, then well SINGLE will always live to be my bestest best friend. I'm not complaining, i like single. It's so plain that there's no restriction whatsoever..you can have your friends..you can flirt with anyone you wanna flirt with, you can just do wahtever..without being judged or without being blamed for something so shallow.
Uni is getting really busy now...i'll be stressed out sooner or later..so i'm writing to you first..i'm just spending time here before i really get into something. ..and i will.
Anyways, jase's dad just had a heart attack, damn that guy he's been through alot. I guess when people look at us, they'd think we're going out when really my friendship with him is so personal that it looks personal even when we're not attracted one bit. Its like dating my own brother. He's just the only person ever that could cheer me up in weird ways. Whenever i feel like crying and life is shit..he's the one i'll contact first. Whenever i feel restless and weak..he's the one i will consult. Love you jjboy.
anyways..its time up..im busy now..mwah

hellohell

2007-02-02T05:12:00.000-08:00
What is up baby?
i've been doing lotsa things lately. ahem..well that video production thing is so off my chest now. Now there's chinese new year coming soon..so i'm gonna get packets of dough from mama's fam and daddy's fam. It better be a fatbunch man...i intend to do alota shopping. So my days have been boring as hell actually, besides school there's nothing much to do. Haven't touched beer for 3 weeks already, crazy shit. Haven't been drinking. I've been slightly sick for about a week plus, so i've been feeding on alotta panadol pills and cough medicine and it makes me really drowzy and cuts off my mood for everything. Stayed at home the couple of days just watching dvds, pondering about my future, yeah just realized that i'm no longer a teenager anymore and i gotta do alotta shit if i wanna work in KL. Gota earn my own dough. Seriously, i dont understand how people spend money like water, i mean don't they get the value of money at any point? I mean it doesnt mean if you're rich, you can spend like a bitch. Some people are so stupid. Can't they be smart...im not asking them to cut down on expenses, i'm just asking em to go slow on their expenses and not off budget. People just don't save these days. Not like i do, but i'm not a power spender...i just value money. DAS ALL. Yay at least murs gonna be back, i can't wait to see her..i miss her to shits. We can hang out and have hot chocolate and just yknow lay back and enjoy the life chillin in cafe's while we check out books. I feel like going to aksara and QB. I feel like chillaxing in the cozy places.
Anyways times up for me, i'll be watching BLOOD&CHOCOLATE soon, see how good the cliche movies can get these days. MWAH.

her territory

2007-01-19T05:43:00.000-08:00
baby boo.
Well i haven't really had fun these past few days. I guess the highlight of my birthday was spent drinking away with friends and i had a great birthday cake. It came in a form of a buffet, chinese style yo. haha it was steamboat and it was awesome because people i didn't expect would do such a thing did it for me. So it was great, we ate for a whole two hours and i can still feel my tummy wanting for more. Great chicken wings, great seafood, great pot and just great food to wrap it up. My cousins were there. It was magnificent. :D I thought that when i touched down here i didn't have anybody to meet, considering all my friends are still on their hols, then i realized i had family here. haha...i am from here anyways...so yeah. Another thing thats been bugging me eversince i talked to my mother is about my grandma. I heard she was sick and that she was just getting tired with life. She told my mother to be prepared because she's ready to leave but i seriously dont want her to leave yet. I think she's doing fine. She's still in her ruggard jeans and she's still smoking that bloody ciggarette like no ones business. I love her so much. I dont want anything to happen. It's been a year plus since my gramps has left us and trust me things have changed, i guess our familys slowly drifting away, we have plans here and there, that we tend to forget about him at times. I haven't visited my gramps yet, but i will very soon.
Shit, semesters starting on the upcoming black monday. Beautiful huh? I'll start being a bitch with all her usual complaints and i just won't have a life anymore, i'll cheat on you with a buncha assignments. Anyways i am so happy with my grades this sem, elya scared the shit outta me when he told me he got a C for media planning, shit shit...i was so damn scared to just see the results cuz he's smart and if he got a C, thats pretty good shit, what more would i get? prolly a D! But i didn't, thank god...media planning is so hard, i swear lilian makes life tougher for peeps. I got a C+ but im freakin happy tho. Its better than a flat F. Then i got some a's and b's. But few...it turned out pretty good for me. haha..yeah. So now it turns out that the internships straight after this sem, me have no time to go home. I wanna go home but Jakartas boring at times but i might have to go for LB. Yeah. i wanna just work hard this year. I know i always say this, but i hope i will. I've been saying it to myself all these years, it's time i did something about it. I'm halfway anyway and i'm done with uni by the end of the year. Yes! But thats when i start getting to know reality more, i'll be completely in it. Everything i do after uni will affect my life. I hope i get a decent job. I hope advertising and I will work well and be the best of friends cuz if not, then i guess i'll just be a complete failure. And i do not intend to be one. Life turns out different ways, i wish i could've been a marine biologist, but i guess i was following my future more than my passion. I guess i have to think about what my family wants first cuz i dont wanna be too self-centered. I gotta appreciate the things they've done. I do. My dads giving me a big time lecture about not appreciating him as a father. I mean what does he expect me to say? He is irresponsible at times, he forgets about his daughters while he starts spending on his girlfriends. He's not really that much of a father figure. But i love him you know, despite the things he's done in life, i still love him. Not like i can dig him out of my life. But i wouldn't. If my parents didn't separate, i wouldn't be this grateful. I would be spoiled and just boring. I wouldn't get to try new things, i wouldn't meet other people. Imagine, my dad doesn't want me to date anyone till i'm like 30. God. He's so strict! thank god i'm not living with him, prefer my mother. Damn this trip back to j town was awful man, everyday i had to argue wtih my mum, i just preferred to stay outta her territory i swear. Just all these arguments, all the blame naturally goes to me right? I mean i try to give in these days, i dont wanna be some rebellious bitch to her cuz i know she's just stressed out. She really is stressed out as hell, just that she's gotta stop pushing me, it's just way too much. I have so many things to attend to, i wanted to hang out with my friends and she got pissed cuz she was all alone at home. I mean c'mon yknow, let me chill with my friends and i'll come crawling back to you. Seriously, she was terrible with me. I wanted to get some fresh air, so i left early to KL. i just couldn't stand her. She should learn that one of the stages of being a mother involves deep understanding. If she understands me, then i'll understand her. The first thing i need to do is go shopping. I needa shop and get some new stuff for the new year. I am pretty superstitious and i dont care, but these things matter in life. I believe in feng shui because it really does do the work. I dont believe in fate though and i'm fuckin annoyed at some people that believe in it so strongly. Anyways dear blog, i've said enough today, i'm out of stuff to say.
mwah

light my baby goodbye

2007-01-10T20:13:00.000-08:00
Morning blogger, it feels great to wake up at this hour. There's something fucked up wtih my clock here..it always states that i write my entries at around 3am or like 6am or some shit. Aneh sih. I've been in a bad mood these couple of days, i guess i need the space from people, i need to just sit back and relax, no disturbance whatsoever. Yesterday, i was in a fuckin bad mood, i guess cuz the night at mbc was really shitty and the bodyguards were being big ass bitches in PUBLIC so cindy couldn't go in cuz of sandals and abhi couldn't get in cuz of his shirt. It's stupid...
I've been getting alot from my mum...she keeps pinning me down, i just feel so pressured by everybody. Everyones been being a lil bitchy lately, including the guys. I feel like taking off, i can't stand Jkt, i gotta start packing for tomoro. I dont think i wanna come back so soon..but who knows home is home yknow. I better spend my day wisely today, like do something that helps me chill out in life n shit. The massage felt good yesterday but it didn't bring me that happy mood, i need to be happy.

I just wanna sit, relax, have some hot tea, read a book, and light my baby.
mwah....

luigi is a dumbass

2007-01-05T14:42:00.000-08:00
Blog...i dont know why, i guess when i'm feeling bored i decide to kill boredom through you. It's this blog feeling, you feel like blogging, you feel like expressing how you feel or what disturbs you or what happened. So you can look back and remember through the past entries. I haven't yet scrolled through the past entries, i will soon..i'll either look back and feel stupid or all sad. Bali was not a blast, i didn't enjoy it...every single day i woke up realizing that if i spent the entire week in jkt, i'd smile. In bali, i was in a pissy mood, i was pissed off at the weather, the beach, the rain, the people. This was the worst bali trip ever, i dont want to recall this trip ever again. I hated it. And i never hate bali trips, but this one...i truly hate it. I was bitchy and pissy all the way....i guess i needed my friends.
My days here are nearly over...i'll be leaving soon...in a way i can't wait to leave...i want to go back to KL and just get my life straightened up. I want to prepare for school, i need to write a resume..i needa do so many things. If possible, i wanna leave asap. I dont want to think about anything else. In a way, i dont feel like comin back home this june or july...i'm just gonna visit mur or kristine...that would be a better way to spend life won't it. Rather than come home....and then do the same shit everyday..god im getting sick and tired of it. Besides..mummy visits me like nearly every two weeks or some shit...its so close....I gota do some sports man..like take up ice hockey or something, i love it...it just looks so damn hard...or just have frequent basketball games with the dudes...they'll teach me n make me improve slowly. Mur took pole dancing, it sounds really difficult dude..you gotta like carry your entire body up the pole and plus, you gotta wear heels, that im not good in. I have no sense of balance.
Okay im going to bounce...dreamland awaits...and i am so looking forward to it.
mwah...
Those unforgettable fairytale nightmares? Yeah you fool, i've seen mario and luigi in my dreams, they weren't fighting against the world, they were fighting against each other. You know how stupid luigi is? He can't jump for shit.
nitey nite. I wanna play nintendo. :(

good mornin

2006-12-25T21:23:00.000-08:00
Morning blogger. I guess I've been waking up pretty early these days, hmm...i went to church on Christmas day to pay my respect, and it felt different. It was a different church and since i've never stepped in GOd's house in like 3 years, i guess i had that odd feeling of just invading. But in the end, i got the hang of it. I'm not used to it at all, it reminds me of my childhood days. Me just standing like a dope with my mother. But it was alright, it's not as boring as it was a few years back. My Christmas wasn't a blast, but all my friends were there, we had that casual hang out and started feasting on the turkey and our glasses of wine, it was beautiful, but then i got sick and they went home, so yeah its pretty sad shit. haha. But i dont know, Jakarta can get boring these days, maybe its because we all grew up and we all have our own things to hang on to. I haven't done much since i landed, just been hanging out with my friends which is real good and all but we gotta do more than that. Too bad most of them aren't going to Bali, i better have a great time in bali man or else i'd fucking regret leaving my friends in JKT. But i wish they could join me, it'll be wicked! Clubbing here is boring, i swear, i dont know, the crowds just getting worst. It's annoying. My friends and i dont even know what to do, i mean we dont feel like dancing or drinking that much, i guess we prefer to smoke up and laugh at each other. haha. It was funny when i was smoking up with deyta, she was asking me why the trees were so short and why the road was so small. Haha...funny shit. Bali has changed too actually, clubbin there is no longer relaxing, it's like you can never just sit around n have a beer. All the sleazy people are there to disturb. They disturb anybody and all they do is just get drunk every fuckin day...as soon as they wake up. I dont think they even sleep in their hotel, i think they just get wasted and hang around in the clubs, pubs, restos. It's a very tiring thing to do. I know i'd never be stupid enough to stay awake for like 3 straight days drinking alcohol. SO dumb. These days i don't wanna drink so much, i can see how it ruins me. I dont want to get drunk, cuz i can see how it makes me so different and slutty and all that shit.The usual, alcohol does shit to you when you have just a little bit too much. Like i can't stand tequilla shots anymore, it gets me sick instantly. It's gross. I just wanna have a beer. haha i'll never leave beer. Anyways time to move on with today's activity. SHOPPING. yeh i needa shop, i've been so damn lazy to walk around and shit, now i'm going for my own stuff, hehe.....anyways ciao.
CU nanti.

safe zone is it?

2006-12-19T13:57:00.000-08:00
I am absolutely frustrated and agitated right now. Confused about my life, like where the fucks it going and where the fuck is the effort and sweat running? Is it running away from me, do i deserve some goody treats? Do i deserve anything at all? Or do i deserve shit. You see i hate this time of my life because i wanna be happy when christmas hits and this is the month of december but i dont see myself in the spirit of christmas, i dont see myself being santa. I dont see myself anywhere in particular. I just realized that all i do is help other people,i never stop to care about myself and my needs. The thing is im not used to it i can't. I hate it when people dont appreciate things, i hate it when people want to just make enemies with you. Whats the fuckn point in the end? I just hate people. I hate myself for now. I really do. Right now i feel like crap, i just go online and everyones just shooting me with comments and the need for advices of which i give and they dont use. I guess all my help was not a thought that counted to them. Im just in the mood to bitch around so please let me and get it that im not always like this. I just hate the fact that im so selfish at times and i can't let go of my pride, i hate pride in others as well, how they can just ignore you like that even when you're friends? I hate the fact that certain people care about who says hi to them online first, its so fuckin dumb. I hate how people can't let go, i just dont like the way it is, people keep twisting and turning. It prolongs it and it becomes like an endless waste of time. It's a waste of time. I can't keep caring for people that are so selfish with themselves, becuz all they care about is themselves. They are self-centered pieces of shit, they have too much pride and it makes me sick. Oh and one thing i hate, i hate it when people are worried about what others might judge them to be. I mean what the fuck, you are you, so be you, what else or who else can you be. I dont care if you're ugly or dumb, act it, dont act like ur smart when ur dumb becuz that will make you look dumber. I mean whatever you are, you know it best, so just be it becuz you are it. Ok whatever.
And to all the bloody bitches out there that think they're so hot and popular or whatever shit, fuck you guys man! I mean what the fuck, dont go around wiggling your funny looking thick powdered faces like ur some kind of heroine. You're not, you're an idiot becuz you just want to be hot and pretty and thats about it really? Why can't you have more substance like wanting to be smart for instance? Ain't that betteR? THe thing is girls these days misunderstand the word respect, they think respect comes from popularity and looks, when really respect comes from your good deeds and title in life. What you have done for others, what you have accomplished besides being Ms. whatever. I just hate these pretty girls that are pretty and are actually smart but just dumb when it comes to the social world. They wanna be the it item, they wanna be this and that. Uggh they make me feel like puking i swear. Every single thing that happens to them, they have to BBC it to me. Everytime a guy thinks they are hot, they gotta tell me as if it were the most matter of fact issue ever. It's just f-annoying. I can't handle it. It's blowing my nerves to insanity. Its draining my good moods. I get affected by other people, seriously. It adds pressure, it bugs me. Shit my maids awake, that shows im such an early sleeper. Yeah that just really reminds me about my late hours. ahem. i gotta stop.
And you fuckers out there, dont think you can mess with any one of my friends just becuz you're a piece of hot ass. So what if you're nice to look at, you're a pussy deep down and you know that. You're an asshole deep down and you're gonna be losers in the future. I dont care if your rich daddies support you throughout your entire life, that just shows ur bloody useless. Ur not even hooked into studying, what will you be hooked up with in the future? Uselessness? Yeah..thought so. So dont go around shoving ur money infront of our faces, cuz we dont care...its just money that does not belong to you anyway. So what if you break up with the girls first, it doesnt make you cooler. I just hate fools these days, they're so dumb, they are disrespectful, they think they can get girls with money (their parents' money cmon), they think so highly of themselves, i just wanna tell em to fck off. My friends have been hurt and i've seen it, those bloody idiots are not men, they are rodents. They are filthy pieces of shits..and yknow what in this world there are no proper guys, its just full of bullshit. Relationships were born to end, either way it will end. I can't stand all the girls that wanna slit their wrists and die just bcuz their lovers left them, so what, they just left. They should be thankful they're alive, instead they pull the trigger, slice themselves up, or just jump down the building. I can't believe it. Life is way too short already, why make it shorter? I hate this. More and more people are into this kind of suicide ritual, its like the fastest way to overcome ur problems is to DIE. Bloody shit heads. Ihhh i dont know why im so carried away with this entry. I guess im just in the mood to blabber out bits and bits after getting annoyed at myself and other people that were chatting with me.
oh damn there's just so many types of people out there that were meant to annoy you, meant to get on your nerves and tickle it excessively. Meant to drive you crazy enough to make crazy comments and complaints of how idiotic they are. Its so dumb.
i wanna leave. gnite. I want a good sleep. byye

hearty melt

2006-12-16T11:23:00.000-08:00
Im back, im back. For some reason, it still feels like im in kl. But i guess i'm just settling down here, i miss jakarta loads, even now i do. It feels so i duno odd. My friends are scattered around, i dont know who to call and how to. I just know that Donnas always around so thats who i hang around with mosta the time. Just came back from La Forca, pretty nice place, the pool tables aren't that smooth but it's better than lazing around at home or chillin in some cafe. I get to see Don work her public relations. haha...but its a cool place. Shit its nearly christmas, it'll be coming so soon i wont get to complete all my christmas letters to the people i cherish oh so most!
hehe. I haven't eaten nasi padang yet, imagine. I'm thinking about work, whether i'll isolate it for my friends or the other way round or time manage my time to make time more time worthy. Yesh..can i do that? I hope so. Just lessen down on clubbin. I dont know why, but i dont like embassy, i hate dugeming there, there's some still air in that place, it makes me feel sick and stuffy inside and i just dont enjoy the sight of everyone there, i dont enjoy it at all. I'd rather go to vertigo, its much better for me. Man people are getting so weird these days, they do stupid things, they act stupid, they play stupid, they talk stupid, they eat stupid, they drink stupid, i dont knwo i think the whole worlds slowly becoming dumb. Its scaring the life out of me. I've been meeting people that have lost track and that have gone whack, my criticisms may seem extreme, but i might be a loser one day. Even if losers disgust me, i can imagine myself in the same boat. Sickening but this world is unpredictable, sometimes its better to be a loser than a winner with all the pressure. But seriously, please lord, i dont want to be a loser. I seriously dont wanna be at all! :(
Blogger pal, i dont want to get drunk at all, not even on new years eve. I just dont know what i do when i'm intoxicated yknow, i guess my mind and thoughts get poisoned too and then i start acting like someones fool. I start acting like the cheapest piece of shit ever. I hate that, i wouldnt want my mother to see me like that. The lastime i got drunk was the last trip here, i've made it four months clear of not getting drunk. I just dont wanna be not myself and jump into some sorta psycho. Because i'm happy being me. :D I'm happy with the failures and mistakes i've made and through alcohol it does lessen the burden for me, but not when i drink heavily, it makes me a burden to others. I should be considerate and stop being selfish with others. I should just enjoy my baileys irish cream while i go have a nice swim. i want to go to the book store and be able to stay there for hours without getting distracted by going somewhere else. I wanna be with my hot chocolate and friends and i wanna talk about others in a good way and talk about others in the bad. i wanna spend my day wisely. I hope i will. I wanna just have a real chilled out day. I've never really had that type of memory. It's just for an hour or so, never the whole day from morning till night. never ever. I appreciate everything now, i love the situation im in now, it keeps me alive, keeps me awake and sane. When lifes too perfect, its not the perfect life, its the most imperfect of all the type of lives. I want the life that has problems to deal with, it just reminds me that there's things to take care of and responsibilities and people to love. I just have to annoy you about my perspective, might seem rather odd but i'm odd and so are you.
Tomorrows a good day. I can smell some good ass breakfast in plaza indo and some good lunch with great friends and great dinner either at home or around kemang. Or perhaps we'll watch a movie and bum around citos. Now thats the j-town life, wonderful huh. Relaxing, but yeah its too good to be true at times. Oh fuck i needa make cards. Arts, help me craft good cards for i am one horrible being, i can't make shit that involves creativity and color coordination. I suck so bad in being artistic.

Good night and the sweetest dreams?

Love all you people that give me the warmest cuddles ever, it makes my heart melt. I swear, it does.

2006-12-12T20:49:00.000-08:00
I'll be leaving KL on friday. Sad isn't it? Suppose to leave this sat but due to sisters visa, i guess we're down to friday. It's so sad how the indo jilbab bitch was bitchin all the way, i couldn't stand it. People were stinking, bitchin, and i was just sitting down like a dumb dumb playing the "forgotten warrior". How gay huh? It's hard to bcuz my fingers are too big for my samsung keypads. haha...seriously. Anyways i ate like someones bitch in penang, just kept on going and going like i had the biggest tummy in the world. There was nothing to do except eat, so thats all i did. I haven't eaten so much in ages, there was all this awesome chinese food, it was greasy and oily but hey thats the fun in food, the oiler it is the better. Trust me, it was the bomb! I just completed kristine and murtis xmas gifts. I hope they like it, they've both changed their sense of style, so i guess i have to be updated with their needs. Kristines now a beach bum and murti now loves nicole richie. haha. but it doesn't matter, to them i guess my thoughts of getting em gifts count. Now i have to wrap the gifts, the part where i suck badly in. I haven't been doing much really, just been idling around the streets of KL, thinking of what to do and where to go to find some funny entertainment. Friends are all occupied with their girlfriends or boyfriends, so i dont wanna be a major interruption and be blamed for it indirectly. So i'll have the own fun i have with my sister. I dont know what to get KLAR? Maybe i'll get her those emo shirts or tankinis. GOd, i miss nasi padang so much! I'm dying for the indo taste, dying for the indo life i left behind. I haven't been home for a few months, feels like a wire is unplugged in my personal life. Yeah KL's been so boring, i feel like i'm slowly deteriorating with the constant daily boredom. Clubbings no fun either, i get invited to places but it truly sux..its like i'm just not up for the crowd and blend of people, im not up for it, they're no good, they're not old friends, they're no fun...like my sister got stepped on by some little wanker on her big toe nail and now there's like a humongous purple blood clot and it looks hideous. And me? i can't drink for shit, i get so weak then even 3 bottles of heineken can fill my mind heavy. It's terrible. I guess i didn't go with the proper crowd of people, i mean yes my friends can be wacko fun but at times...you need the old buddies to support the fun throughout the night. That's what people can't do here, there's always someone behind the bars of coldness and there's always someone with stabbing thoughts of you, looking at you like a cold psycho bitch. Girls all get that...we tend to misjudge but hey, it could be true. In the end we tell each other "yknow i used to think you were a bitch, when really i found out you were nice, that made me feel bad" That's my number one line to people i misjudge and bitch about but in the end discover they are the most beautiful souls around this bloody earth. Yeah jakarta has a different light to it, you go home and ur familiar with the roads and the people you wanna call out for a drink are already set in your mind and in ur phonebook. Like i love calling out DONO CASINO for hang outs. haha...she's normally the first person i call. We plan the shit togetha. i miss that biatch man. You know im getting so sick of the fact that you need money for everything. Like i forgot to cash out some cash from the ATM and that just made me realize that you fuckin need the cash or else you can't survive the day. You can't buy your friends cool gifts, you can't meet your friends without money. It's so fuckin sick i swear, i hate money, i hate it so much. Everyones getting so greedy these days, they just want money out of you, its like nothing else matters, just the dough. Fuck em! Ahh gitu la...lifes so sad for me and others these days. I hate the way the world thinks, the way people in general think, its like they're never wrong knowing that they are fuckin wrong. I can't stand people like that. It just pisses the shiiizz out of me mon.
Anyways, enough about bitching about bitchy people.
Damn i gotta get working when i'm back in j-town. Im so weak when it comes to invites, fuckin weak, i can't nolak my friends, i can't! It's hard...i hate to see the disappointment in their eyes..haha ciehh...i just hate the bugging about not being able to make it and the dumb ass excuses of work. It's like i'm trying to be sok pro...but i'm really not, i wish we had more time in a day. I wish we could hang out the entire day and do some funny things or laugh at funny things. I hope this christmas will blast my mind, cuz it hasn't for the last couple of years. I thought christmas would help overcome boredom, but at times its so awkward spending it with friends and distant friends. It feels aneh.
Cheers to my prediction of christmas. mwah.
friends and fam, excellence! (quote JASON OSMOND LIEM) haha my kampungan bastard. Jase i exposed osmond! aha osmond, haha sounds like a long furry animal. ew. haha love you bang jjjjjj!

happy happy joy joy

2006-12-09T02:04:00.000-08:00
Damn, the year 2006 is ending so soon. I was just writing all my new year resolutions and bam...the years over and i have to write what i want to achieve next year. SHIT. haha you know i was just wondering why someone gave us life and what is the whole point of life. Like when ants i kill die, where do they go? When people die, where do they go? Do they just rot not knowing that they've left their loved ones? Or maybe we're an experiment, but the question is, who's experimenting with us? And who is experimenting the people that are experimenting with us? If there was a creator of life, who is it and who created him? Things happen for a reason, so if there really was a GOD, he should show himself right now, he should just pop up and prove to us. I dont know man i was on the way home today and i was passing this highway and the scene was deadly man. There was this body on the road covered by a black plastic bag and shit...blood was draining out to the road like tree roots spreading out the ground. My tyres rolled over the blood, imagine that, it's gross but i felt so god damn sorry. Then got me thinking about GOD. Like whats he like? is he cruel or is he kind? Is he irresponsible or is he just leaving us in the dark? Is he crazy or is he rational? I dont know him at all. But why are so many people praying to him for help? I mean does he really help. Sometimes i think he really helps, but maybe the help just dropped by like that due to right timing, it could be psychological of me to think he helped. Ah okay whatever...anyways i'm happy, i'm glad and sooner or later i'll be back in jtown! :D
LOVE YOU BEB.

psycho bitch

2006-12-01T08:31:00.000-08:00
Light....i'm starting to enjoy the sight of it these days. Makes me feel so fresh...yknow that feeling. I had a scary dream lastnight, i was dreaming about this psycho lesbi around her 30's and she tried to kill my friends and we were in this creepy worn down classroom. I was so freaked out because she came up to me in my dream and asked me to kill my friends because she threatened to kill me. So she gave me this huge ass butcher knife and asked me to chop my friends up to pieces. She was sick. The weird thing was that there were 30 people being kidnapped by her, a few guys and a buncha girls but none of us took enough guts to put her down or kill her. In the end, she leads us to this garden where two of my friends were buried and told us to kill ourselves or else she'd razor us to bits. In the end, i woke up and had a horrible headache. Up till now, i have a feeling that she still exists. I dont know whether i'll experience that type of thing one day, but its freaking the shit out of me. She's so sick i feel like killing her already. But where is she? I recognize her face still. One day when i meet her, i'ma call the cops. ah. Scary shit really.
Aw shit..gotta go christmas shopping, buy my besties stuff that they want. That's hard..i dont know what they like! I dont want to buy them something they wont use, i wanna buy them some thing they WILL use. Im not really that good with gifts, i just get the standard presents. I dont waste too much effort becuz i dont know how to concentrate on good gift wrapping and good choices of gifts. i'm real bad at it. But whatever, its the thought that counts right? Well i know people say that alot but sometimes gifts do matter and to them thoughts don't count.
i feel like shit now, a combo of flu, a sore throat, and a slight cough. Shit i took two panadols and it wiped the shit outta me, now i'm so fuckin blur, i can't even talk properly or do things right.
GOtta GO.

personal frustration

2006-11-29T01:13:00.000-08:00
So what is up with this personal shit? What is up with the daily boredom and whining? Whats up with the personal shit most of all? I seriously dont know. I've been thinking so much these days, thinking about my past, thinking about how im gonna be in the future, thinking about the life of others and the life of the ones i love truly. I love so many people, i just found that out, besides my family, all my friends that make me laugh and cheer me up, i love them. The thing is i dont care about anything else but my friends and family. I just want to do what i have to do, so i can make it up to everyone. I dont know what i'm really talking about here but i really gotta change my attitude. I have to...it's my mindset, why is it so stubborn. Why am i so stubborn? Shit. Seriously. Yeah well when i go back to Jakarta, i'm gonna miss it even more, knowing that i'll be in the office almost almost almost every single fuckin day. I dont have all the time to chill out in every corner of the city, i'll be situated in one plc.
Christmas is just around the corner, shit...i dont want another christmas to go to waste...i didn't quite spend christmas seriously last year, i didn't have that joyful spirit. But this year, i wanna be different, i wanna drain myself in the christmas spirit, i dont mind dressing up as santa with his orang buah. haha..fuck. I dont mind all that, i just want to feel christmas just like it was back then in hte 90's. Lets all celebrate it like kids! Blah blah blah. I dont know whether i'm the type of person that gets easily frustrated at someone, but i guess i do. There's a buncha girls all dressed up and gossipping about how paris and nicoles so hot to em and who the fuck looks like paris? Shit dude...they worship paris, its so dumb. Now they're talking about guys and who's cute, fuck fuck fark...they're wearing head bands with polkadots, weird ass tights, with their out of style tops and it really makes them look like teenagers trying to grow up too fast. Not saying htat they can't club or anything, i mean they are so fuckin annoying, their fuckin attitudes and their hair and their painted faces. It's just all too much, and this is freakin starbux man..why do you wanna dress up in heels and weird ass clothing? Fuck man, why dont they just go casual, doesn't that make them look better and by fact, HOTTER?! It's not like i ahve a big problem, but they're everywhere! Here and there, saying like the exact same things, mumbling about the bitchin they gave their boys, mumbling about the boys that adore them and think they're hot. Well yknow what....they should keep it in. I wouldn't tell anyone who thinks of me as this or that...cuz in the first place..i personally dont give a shit about how i look. I mean yes i give a shit, but not as bad as they do..i dont care whether i'm ugly or unfortunate looking, so what....i'm still capable of enjoying life. I'm still enjoying life! I am enjoying life! All these little frustrations and thoughts, just make me feel so lucky to have the friends i have back in J_TOWN. Thank god i have them, thank god thank god! I love them so much. They keep me in place man.
Love all the lovers in the world. MWAH. Cu

recovery recovery recovery...

2006-11-20T07:32:00.000-08:00
My days have fully recovered. We have reached the end of sem, it's over. All the hard work and assignments and exams and stupid quizzes, its all over, for now. I have one more sem to go along with an internship. This sounds scary, i'm near to the edge of reality. So freakin scary. I hope i will make it, i hope that when i'm working, i'll work hard and not just work for money. I hope i'll get a promotion, i hope i'll keep getting promoted. I hope that i'll earn good money and keep earning better. I hope i can open up whatever it is i want to open up. Most of all, i want to do this for my family. So i can buy my mother her beautiful house and my father his beautiful house. haha. I just want to prove to them that i can do this for them and to show my love and appreciation over the 19 years of their hard work and stress. All cuz of me and my sisters, this is what they have gone through and i dont mind going through the same or even worst just to get them what they want. I may sound emo but this is life, we have emotions and we do get emotional. I feel like going somewhere relaxing, now that i can finally relax without exams or assignments at the back of my mind. Its all erased, my minds empty, i dont know what to do, someones gonna tell me what to do, so i'll have something to do. Imagine if i felt like enjoying during the exam week, i'd be fucked. Now the feeling i have, it feels so much better than the last sems, it feels like i'm halfway to complete. Bloggg...i have a crush on someone. i feel that its a stupid crush, but i can't get over the fact that its a fact yknow. Someone i've never met, but he makes me feel like i'm in place, he relaxes my mind, he helps me out with my problems, he just makes me feel like stress is temporary. Ah..ya i need that, it feels like buddha is getting to me. That kind of spiritual healing. I dont know why but its a slight crush, i'll get over it, i always do, well at least most of the time. Anyways i feel so free now, i have nothing to do, i just went shopping, wow the first time in like 4 months, has been a long time. Shit..then i went and it was cool..felt weird to shop yknow cuz i haven't done that shit in a long time....i wanna go to phuket, might with chuppy, hope i have fun there if i do land there...i wanna just chill and be a lazy beach bum. Just carry myself there without the heavy thoughts of my future.
Time for pool. haha yay. I bet i suck, i haven't practiced for shit weeks...i wanna play for fun today and improve in it.
adios for now. its time for pool!

My cousins married?

2006-11-15T04:15:00.000-08:00
Well i had a decent weekend this week, went for my cousins wedding, it was a major blast for her i know..but not for me. haha. I mean i'm so happy for her, it's just so sad to see her officially taken you get it? But im so god damn happy about that. I've never seen her shake her booty like that mon. Yeah Kristie, congrats to you, i'm such a cool cousin man..i was there...just too bad there was no stripper for the hen's night..tooo badddd.. I guess james has to strip for you now...maybe wear his thongs or some shit. haha. Thats personal. For you both, i won't budge in. haha. Gosh how i miss this cousin, i dont even know what to get her. Her style changes all the time..except after she came back from pattaya. Kristie used to dress like a plain and sophisticated chick, now she's going all out, she brought Pattaya, Thailand back and she's got that boho string fashion sense. From head to toe people, from her freakin head to toe. haha but she looks beautiful, im not sayin anything. It's just that you look good and its a major 360 from what you used to dress in. I guess you've found the life, go ahead and get a house by the beach. It's so you. haha.
My days have been rotten, rotten as fuck. I've passed the major exam for media planning, i never knew it was so tough to plan media. I just i just i duno..it's tough. But we're over with this sem, well nearly. I am left with a group presentation and one strategic ad exam. Once thats all done, i'm going to laundry my throat at laundry's. Just have fun with casual drinks and perhaps my royal Sangria. What a babe.haha i dont know why but i remember when jase used to say "Excellence" at the end of every sentence, what a dumbass mofo. I remember paint ball shooting mann..shit that mofo thought cuz he was equipeed with that freakin paintball gear and the unecessary water bottle, he could defeat me. You loser, dont underestimate a djajalie. haha we are all trained to shoot people like you. haha canda deng. What cracked me up was that i was trying to pay attention, but bang jj..he kept doing all these fancy turns and jumps, he was practically rolling all over the place. Then i shot his fat ass. oh yeah i shot ur fat ass alright. Too bad i didn't shoot more of it. Or else you'd be dead now you ho. haha. Jase..i love you no matter how gay you are and even if ur in the army now and ur gay, i'd love you no matter what. Ur my true mofo. My true (sigh)..fwen.
Dude my sisters pic with ronald mcdonalds fuckin helped me work out my tummy due to the extreme laughter, it just looks perfectly gay. It's just so funnay!!!!
ahh yawes deh...malesh to go on..cuz its kinda hard to write things on when nothing much happend. Its like i have to extend or stress on what already happend? haha.. anyways..love you people that i've always loved and will love. Too all the abangs and premans out there, you know ur sexy.
lover is poofing off to her own wonderland. Bye shit heads.

assignments you asshole!

2006-11-03T03:18:00.000-08:00
Hey baby im doing my research again. The usual.
Man...i'm done around the 17th..why oh why? issh..i've been writing in this blog nearly every single day and my oh my..i'm so rajin.
Man i'm so afraid to step into the advertising world and do the accounts side. Like how the fuck do i handle such stuff? I'm already having trouble with my assignments and all, how do i absorb all that in the working world. I can't afford to fuck up in reality but in school, i have another chance. If i do fuck the job up, i get fired. It sux really. I just cut my hair and i look like a freakin idiot..i look like realy dumb man. Like shit!
Man i have no time to blog right now..gotta get some work done. ahh work. I wish i was in bali now or any beach nearby, so i can just stuff my toes into the sand, make a retarded sand castle and lie down like a freakin bum and not give a shit about studies and life. Just for a few hours or so i wanna be able to relax not stress out.
mwah.

cheppi cheppi

2006-10-30T05:23:00.000-08:00
Hey blog,
shit...im nearly done with my finals. Getin close getin close. But the thing is i have my cousins wedding to go to and thank god there's no exam on that day, but there are exams after that. The 11th of novembers like squashed in between my busy schedule...but since kristies getn MARRIED...shit its big..i gotta go check it out.
I've lost the taste of fun...fun is everywhere actually, you can have fun anytime, but it won't be original and unplanned. When its planned..everything is easy to predict. I won't say i have fun all the time, people seem to think im the type of person that always has the fun and makes it fun. Im really not that type of person. I can be so negative towards having fun, i can ruin a night just by forcing my friend to go home. I could do that..but im way too considerate to turn off the engines of the night. haha. In this life, i feel like my job is to help people that complain and whine about their own personal problems all night long. That's my job, my life. That's what i've been doing all the time that i forget what the fuck to do for myself. I forget everything and i start all over.
I praise the days when i could just laze around like a bitch without probs...those days were cool but today, i can't..no matter how hard i try to relax..i stress myself out and i stress other people out. That part of me is rather inconsiderate. I'm very inconsiderate at times...i blame selfish me...it has affected quite a number of people close to me. Although they think i dont give a damn...one day i hope they'll understand that this is me..and i hope to change but its a tough process. I want to just sit around and be a bum like the others..and i want to cure this stubbornness of mine. I'm so freakin stubborn. I really am. But not as stubborn as my sister. I miss playing big2 with them....i miss poolin with em too. I realized i got so shitty when i played this dj in langkawi..like faaarrrk he's one hero in pool man...he can spin a ball, like seriously, he can spin a ball and his accuracy is fuckin superb! I admire him..really do. One day i'll train to be just like him...if i'm given the time to train. haha.
Oh gosh christmas is coming, time for me to make some cards and buy some gifts...i dont feel like goin back to jakarta..but christmas has gotta be with the family, what is the meaning if its not wtih the family? I wanna go to maldives this dec tho....my friends getting married, i'm so happy for her...i really wanna go and see her beautiful wedding..ahh what a floaty dream to think of. It's just nice to be in a wedding...you get to see everything ahead of you. But i dont know if it'll happen to me..a friend of mine told me that guys would be too scared to propose to me. Shit man...makes me feel like some sad monster or sumin. But when i come to think of it..hell yeah its kinda true...i make the bitchy wife.
haha...whoever wants to marry me..i'll feel sorry for him. He's gonna have a rough time.
haha...the djajalie's...i guess we're all brought up this way...
anyways blog...i'm tied up..can't be all caught up here..gotta focus focus focus on my consumer behavior project...what a little mofo really...and some other projects of which i truly feel like throwing away.
m,w,a,h......
bello bello

collecting seashells by the sea

2006-10-26T07:35:00.000-07:00
Hey wat up
i had a fresh break....i went to penang trus ke langkawi...have to stay within Malaysia or else i'll definitely fail my semester. This time i'm goin back to kl and i'm gonna have to study and do all my assignments at one go. Since i took up four days already, i can't afford to waste another day of having some fun. Langkawi was not what i expected...when you arrive the port..you feel as if it still looks like where you were running away from..the city. It looks like a city..but as you drive deeper into the forest...you'll see a real forest...like a forest without lights, without life. Then you past your forest and reach a stretch of pubs and such..of which looks like Bali...it's beautiful...its a good break for me but even though i didn't enjoy it..anything with a beach will make me happy. I'll smile for sure. And i did manage to get a lil tan but it was aite..the whole time i was at the beach, i was collecting sea shells and playing with them little hermit crabs. so cute....i was trying to catch a baby crab but it was too fast for me...i realized then that my stamina was running low. haha it is man. I didn't really go shopping....i just went cruisin around, island hopping more like it. It was cool to get lost...it was cool to find my way back. All in all, it's cool to do such things. It's cool to be adventurous with people that are adventurous and don't mind staying in the cheap wooden pondoks and such. That's pure fun.
Days like this, we all should cherish. Because sooner or later, i'll be back in class doin the old boring stuff...learning stuff that are unecessary but trying to ace it. That's just stupid of me..but what can i do..its just one more sem and i'm good to go...one more sem thank god!
i'm so so sick of the life in uni..but once work starts..i'll beg to run back and study in uni.
haha..its just like that.
I used to think that it was easy to make money, well it's not. It's not easy! Some people don't have to be educated but they can make it and the educated ones are far too educated to lose their face and in the end....they end up failures. I hope that life will turn out good for me..i hope i will grow up to be a responsible person. I hope i'll grow up for the most part.
Anyways my times up.
i gotta ciao now.
mwahhhh

get'n out

2006-10-17T07:13:00.000-07:00
I'm in genting highlands, just went to the ride of terror..haha terror my ass. Spent 20 sumin bux on something that doesn't even have a pontianak or a ghost in it. I mean it looked scary at first...but as you walk through the jungle of ghosts and fucked up statues with their fuckd up faces, you feel that the 20 bux shouldve been spent on something else like dufan. Even that dufan cartoon freaks me out more than this stupid ass ride. fuck this shit man.
ok back to the part about why im here? I'm here bcuz i wannabe, im here bcuz the city's so boring and the haze is really affecting my lungs. Im here because i want fresh air and fresh space and fresh mushroom dishes. I'm here because it clears my lungs and my head and everything thats bothering me. It's just a new dimension to be in. Although this place is scattered with families and their noisy kids, that don't bug me, they're having the exact vacation im having and its bloody fun. What i'm doing? I'm enjoying my cig as it burns down real fast....but its good to smoke here along with the fresh air.....its as if you're smoking nicotine with fresh air. Cool huh...just makes you feel less guilty about smoking becuz u feel refreshed. I'm such a tea drinker, more than i'm a beer drinker..beer pisses my body off...makes me reject the gas...all i can have is 2 bottles or so...but it doesn't bother me...it makes me feel much better. Compared to the old days when i was carrying a beer belly, twas awful. I feel light headed, i feel happy. haha....anyways...i was just talking to a friend about marriage..and shit its scary. One of my friends think i won't get married cuz he said the boys would be too scared to propose to me. That really doesn't answer my question...it scares me. I mean of course i wanna get married, wouldn't it be sad to be unmarriable? To be so unavailable in this already boring world. I mean i want to taste the real life...but now is definitely the wrong time for all that shit. I just dont know what to think about when it comes to such things, it doesn't seem to make sense why things all have to end up this way for people, for families. Why do i have to get married yknow? There's no choice...in the end my dad will eventually set me up. One thing i've been doing recently, i've been trying to master people's personalities...trying to listen to their comebacks and such so i'll know them more. Seriously, a comeback is a possible way to tell a persons true color. You just see the color of humor and with that humor you read what reaction they want out of you. I'm sure i'm quite an easy person to read. Just that sometimes when people guess what i'm thinking about right, i get so freaked out...then i change the subject. It's scary to read people's minds becuz when you know everything, you just know everything and it creates conflicts of which leads to losing friends. I don't know how many friends of mine back stab me...but im beginning to understand why they do that becuz i myself tend to talk about some people...friends especially, friends i know so well and just when ive had too much of their medicine, i spread it elsewhere like a freakin plague. Normally due to rage, frustration, and to decrease my stress level. I can't stand it when my friends borrow something from me and then wear it infront of me as if its theirs and they don't talk about returning it...i can't see myself doing that. And please if you borrow money from someone, have the decency to pay them back..like where the hell were you brought up....didn't ur parents teach you to return what's lost and found? or what's borrowed and worn? like fuck man....people have got to learn shit like that. its beginning to make me wanna make a speech on that. I'm stressing out these days because uni is ending so soon and once it ends, it's over...there's no going back, there's no looking back, there's no longer a chance. It's like they teach you how to wear ur own diapers before you take care of other people's. it's freaking me out. That's what you call work, cleaning up shit left behind from people in a higher position. It sux. Today i just saw a huge farm....i realized that it was what i really wanted for my future, yeah i wanna live in a cozy house in the middle of a huge ass farm, waking up to cows and such..isn't that cool? The fresh air...fresh everything.. I want to buy that with my own hard earned money...with the sweat i exerted, my own money. If its not possible, i'll let you guys know after i go to work. If it's not possible, i dont give, i'll get back up. Well, i'll try not to be lazy. I've been so lazy these days, eversince i've rearranged my room..i guess i fucked up on the feng shui bit. I'm quite into feng shui, it's logical and it really does make sense.
Yeah and like i said life's just ok. Ok means there's a bunch of happy and angry moments. its only fair..if it ain't balanced and you see me smiling everyday, i must be fuckd up like someone's bitch man. haha...no...no guys...just no boy friends..yeah there's alotta flirtation goin around..but that's just out of boredom and complete non-interest in them. I swear.
I wanna make a cook out in my plc..it'll be so fun...just a small barbecue party with all the retards..isn't that cute? haha..then we can toast to our fine wines by the lake..magnificent.
Yeah well thats something that won't happen...whatever plans i plan out...it turns out a failure..normal la normal. My cousins getting married so soonn...shit man....then i'm gona have to wear a dress and look pretty for her...since she's such a perfectionist. It's gonna be such a sweet wedding.....i'm scared i'll cry for her..i've seen her grow up and she's seen me grow up as well...just that time passes so fast and now she's in her late 20's..thats so weird mon.
Anyways i gotta go now...i'm freezing my ass off bcuz its freezing haha...and what the fuck i'm hungry. I dunt understand, i've been eating so fuckin much and even if my tummy pops out..i still eat like there's no tomorrow...like there's gonna be no food tomorrow. WTF...i gotta cut down on my meals. It's really my sleeping hours messin up...and i dont wanna skip no class...faaaaarkkk i got class early tomoro morning. i gotta go dude....assignments have been killing me, stressing me out..making me wanna choke on an olive or something. But i know what i'm gonna do once sem ends...i'm gonna fuckin just sit down like a joker and drink with myjoker friends...love all the way to the top.
mwah

i want to eat some real food.

2006-10-11T04:47:00.000-07:00
I feel like blogging
So here i am.

Its so quiet around here, this place, this life, the friends around you, they're so still, colder than an iceberg, they dont heat you up when you need the heat. I need a hug, a really warm hug to decrease the troubles twisting in my head. I need someone to care for me. That's just for now though..the only thing that keeps me moving are my assignments, other than that...i won't move..i'll stay in my nutshell and eat in it. Quite pathetic. Clubbing? It's bulan puasa, all the clubbers are being good this month, but i'm too lazy to go shake that ass and watch others do the same thing and drink the same shit, i'm too lazy...we're going for the exact same thing over and over again. It's getting boring. It really is, but i know i'll end up going just for some solid entertainment. Haha i love watching hte girls dance. They just think they're so fuckin hot when really they're not..if they were at least pretty, i'd give them some credit, but they're fuckin sick and all they do to get attention is flash their g-strings and underwear. God damn...don't you have anything else to show off to the guys. Ya that sickens me. I mite go party this saturday, but partying now is so plain...same shit. I can't believe i didn't notice it. Now when i go to zouk or something, i just stay there for like an hour. its been a while since i've danced with my girlfriends till the end. It's been a realllly loooooooong ass time man. Ah fuck im hungry right now. I'm gonna get myself something from dairy queens. haha fattening, but great.
Before i turn 20, i'm gonna do so many things...i'll prolly celebrate my birthday with my fellow internshippers. haha...i'll prolly just celebrate it alone. haha. Definitely don't want to get drunk and be the laughing stock. I swear..shit can't i get drunk properly. It's awful.
Okay i'ma go and continue my work today....alotta pressure but i'm handlin it quite well. See you when its over..hopefully.
mwahz

the sunshine intimidates me--and so i hide.

2006-10-08T04:16:00.000-07:00
Hey blogger,

It's a beautiful day huh? I know that no matter how many times i try to convince myself that i'm fully happy, i'll end up feeling like shit, so yeah please understand me. It's a Sunday today, but it feels like a freakin week day, cuz i still have to do some research. I've constantly been working on my laptop, bringing it around, typing around, discussing around, fuck dude, i really hate that life. But my group mates were cool so we got along well. Hate it when they group me up with strangers yknow, but oh well it turned out kewl. Like they were the underdogs of the class or something, all my friends were like "dude you're so not gonna do well" and i was like "yeah, perhaps ur right"..but we worked as a team and proved them wrong. haha. Im happy with the results though, i love our media flow chart, haha it defines professionalism alright. haha. I dont know..but that feeling of working together is so rare, yknow yeah its easy to work together, but its not easy to analyze each other's answers before we all agree to type it down. Haha...anyways i've been watching Russell Peters and Pablo Francisco, fuck i like them both, they're so fuckin funny! A good way for me to waste my time ay. If i had the time, i'd go white water rafting, i never got the chance, i never grabbed it actually, i was always too lazy and even when i felt like goin, no one else felt like it. Those moments when people keep changing their minds just when you change yours. Stupidos! haha...gosh i haven't seen Kristine in ages, yo tita....where you at man! I wonder if you read my blogs, cuz if you do, not bad...u ain't out of track, well its not that detailed. The rest i'll tell you personally oke tito. Ah dude...im not sure whether i'll make it this december to jjjj-town...haha cuz ive got this stupid ass internship going on and i guess i have to keep myself all focused, no off day sama sekali. It's a tough world out there, its so ugh unfair. I wanna watch this DUKUN movie man, looks real cool and everytime they say its based on a true story, thats where my interest lies, tapi when i come home from the cinema, i just scare the hell outta myself. Yeah that common fear of looking at the mirror cuz ur afraid there'll be someone uncool behind. hahaa..or when you're sleeping and you wanna close ur eyes, but you just gotta see what the fucks goin on in ur room, so u leave it open and plus you try to find things in the dark that form a figure or some sort of face, then you fuckin scare urself out. Im one of those people. I admit, i'm pussy but not that pussy tho, if you put me in a ghost house, i swear to god i'll still fuckin move. I recently went to a fun fare, it was cool, i lovedthis ride called VORTEX, that was scary shit man, and the rest were pretty cool. Its been a long time since i had that one adrenaline rush, the kinda rush when the wind attacks ur face, feels like some kind of freedom you can never get a hold of. Go on a rollercoaster and wave ur hands around then you'll comprehend my meaning dude. Deepavali's comin soon, its cool man, the flower art they make on the cement with colored sand, so pretty. I won't have the patience to do that. I duno man Hinduism is one interesting religion, its not fanatic or anything, its so peaceful and laid back. I would like to study about it one day. Well i know a little about Buddhism, i've been to more buddhist funerals then christian ones. I've touched the josstick more than i've touched the rosary. Not to say i'm lazy with my religion, its just what i have to do, its an interest i pick up more than my religion. But im still a Catholic though, i haven't been to church for years, but i feel more comfortable visiting a temple for some reason. I went to this big temple in penang, it was so beautiful man, there was a huge ass Buddha and it looks really cool when all the monks were humming and all that, and i kid you not, there was a really cute monk. haha im fuckin serious, he was real cute, yeah but its not gonna happen, i know i know. haha....hey i'm not nasty aite. He was plain cute, thats all. But im glad that he chose this path of life, im proud of him, but imagine if he decided not to be a monk? haha fuck dude...aite aite no more thoughts...i just find weird stuff like this sexy. When somethings wrong, it feels so right. The way people live by the rules, it's just so boring, can't we break it, can't we go beyond the barrier, it would be fun. Im so sick of this life, the boring life. I understand that people go to church cuz they want to go to church, but no matter how many times in a week you go, what's the difference, it doesn't make you true to your religion, it just makes you a fanatic. Im sorry, but i feel that God allows us to pray to him wherever we are and it doesn't have to take place in his house. I mean yeah i know to pay your respects and all, i will do that occassionally when i feel like it, but i won't do i everyday. If you go there everyday it just becomes a normal routine to be seen in church and to prove that ur faithful, but how bout the others out there that are really faithful, but they don't go to church everyday? I got sick of church cuz of all the people there after mass, hate the way all the mothers gather up to gossip about their husbands and kids.
ahh not to say im against that religion, im not at all, just that sometimes when someone gets so fanatic about GOD, it gets people kind of sick of their religion. Yeah religion talk, not to offend the people out there, but it bothers me how people think their religions cooler than others, and how there's only one god in the world when really we dont know. I can't believe we're so confident and sure that we're praying to someone. I mean you haven't even witnessed GOD and you're bragging to the world why he's so great and all? I duno man. We're kind of stupid beings, we just do whatever we're set to do, yeah people tell us to have faith and beliefs, but are those just empty beliefs that we consider or are they real beliefs cuz you've seen GOD and all? Ok cukup cukup. I get carried away sometimes cuz i've been told by several people that i should go to church whether i like it or not, then i just get pissed off, i mean dude...don't push someone to go to church if he/she doesn't want to, they can think for themselves and it doesnt matter what you think about them, whether they are irresponsible or unfaithful to god. ONly God judges people, people can't judge people. Cuz either way, when people judge people, we're always wrong.
adios, adios, adios....
im gonna go research now aite...
mwahs

A recovery

2006-10-06T03:59:00.000-07:00
Shit, i miss jakarta, it's only been 2 months or so but im missing my mum like a bitch. And the fact that i have internship right after this semester doesn't really make me feel alot betta. Imagine no breaks or family dinners, no life, nothing to turn to. I can only depend on myself. I miss my friends, im so sick mentally, not that way, but so home sick. I long for the old days where friends would be around on the dot...around everywhere i go. It's so sad its happening, the stage of growing up is a killer. I have no choice, i have to be rational that if i wanna end uni, i gotta get recognition from internshippin. Its just so sad cuz i haven't seen most of my friends for so long, i feel like a different person. I feel like spendin time with them in an island, just havin fun and cracking up jokes and all. Those are the days to miss, the days that mean so much to you, the days you use to take for granted, the days that make your day, most of all, the days that make who you are today grateful for having those days. Ahh..i have a headache, i can't think properly, i have an essay to do,i just can't breathe. I can't live properly without these retards. At times like these, life makes me feel so inferior to others, makes me lifeless without these people. They mean so fuckin much to me man. Im sad..but its ok tho...i know i'll wake up tomoro and it'll be all cool again. Im gonna go now mang....gotta do my work. I'll try to work hard.
malesh.hehe.
love you

a heavenly mood

2006-08-29T11:47:00.000-07:00
hello peeple.
ahh its been quite long since i've written, well it feels like it. here i am doing some research, here i am forcing myself to be hard working again. here i am playing the tickle iq test...here i am frustrated. haha. well i recently went to the lagoon, went to sun tan my ass off, and i did enjoy it just that i didn't put enuf sun protection and now my bodys sun-aching. Life's been ok, sleeping hours are a little fuckd up due to this newfound hobby of mine, fishing. hah yeah...i love fishing, it really takes ur mind off things and it helps you wtih something really important..patience. I figured that if i started fishing, maybe, just maybe, i might improve my temper and all that stress that i've been inflicting to myself. Yeah i havent cooked anything for myself lately...just been eating a lotta lotta unhealthy food. Ah fuck classes are getting harder. Just when i thought Media planning was a light course, it wasn't. fuckin calculations and formulas mannng. I just hate studying sometimes, seriously. I only like the exams, thats it. Assignments are a killer to me. Exams assure you that if you fuckin pass its fuckin over! Ah..can't wait for finals..then it'll be the internship, i duno i hope to apply for leo b or saatchi and saatchi...one of those..that would be awesome to work in such advertising firm. Advertising is a bitch but i like cuz of the aggressiveness and the activities and all the bullshit. its just an aggressive business and i hope it would make me a stronger person.
Life? been aite..met some guys, enjoying their company, they make life feel much better than girls do sometimes..they don't complain about guys, thats why. haha.
but im not dating any of em, its all good between us, friends stay friends...nothing more for now i guess...i've been too busy trying to study and trying to work but i just know that life cant be balanced all the time, its only when you feel like it.
Oh well im craving for some teo chew porridge, dude its so healthy man..instead of stupid junk food all day in school. thats all i can do to munch away the boredom.
Anyways i have an early day tomoro, gotta follow my schedule as planned. if not..im just a useless piece of craaapooo.
aite..mwah.
ps. i really miss that one person that cracks me up so bad, that wants me to bitch at him, that waits for me to tie my shoes, the one that just looks so stupid when he's all caught up. he doesn't exist yet..but he seems pretty cool for me.

lyricsss

2006-08-11T08:12:00.000-07:00
EAGLES LYRICS"Hotel California"
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bellAnd I was thinking to myself,'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely facePlenty of room at the Hotel CaliforniaAny time of year (Any time of year)You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the nightJust to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely faceThey livin' it up at the Hotel CaliforniaWhat a nice surprise (what a nice suprise)Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I wasRunning for the door
I had to find the passage backTo the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,But you can never leave!'

Could it be?

2006-08-06T16:38:00.000-07:00
He cared for me but why didn't i bother to notice how much he cared? I know i hurt him, i know it hurt so much to hurt him but the feeling i had for him is no longer there, its been gone a few months ago and all the while i was just forcing myself to reconsider this relationship when really it wasn't a relationship, it was just me being needy of a companion and a friend. These past few months with him after the break up has been fine, i treat him as a friend while he treats me like im the greatest, when really im just a piece of crap. Whatever he did for me, i dont deserve it, he basically did everything for me and what can i do? Thank him about it? cmon, thats not enuf for the amount of things he's done, its unmeasurable. I told him all the intimacy between us had to be over and that we'd be friends, he's hurt of course, i'm sad for being too tough on him but thats the most i could do, there is absolutely no future between us, there never will be. This morning i sent him to the airport, the look on his face really wanted to make me cry, but if i cried he would cry and if he cried, it would make me feel so guilty so there were obviously no tears in my eyes. Im writing this here because i never write about him here....i just appreciate all that he's done for me and to my thoughts. He's really changed my perception about life, about business, about work, about people, about being an individual. He helped me out so much. I guess i just wanted to thank him, even tho its over between us, even if we weren't in a relationship anymore for the past few months, even if he doesn't believe me, i just wanted to say that i really really appreciate everythings he's done. I appreciate him as a very good friend, nothing more.
Today making things clear really taught me that if you dont clear up your big mess, the bigger it gets, someones gonna get hurt and the situation will turn real ugly. I really dont want to take anyone for granted anymore, i need a break to really set my mind on what i want in life. I guess having relationships aren't important, but when someones there for you at the right time, you tend to fall for their effort and time wasted on you. I guess everybody needs someone by their side, at first i was too cocky to say it, but i really do need to rely on someone at times, i can't seriously solve all my problems at one go, i always need someone to guide me through the rough road, someone that could inspire me to continue smiling, someone that could really persuade me to get my ass back up and be realistic instead of day dream and hope that good things will come along. Man..good things come when you do something, you can't just sit around like n arse and wait for it to come to you. Thats what i thought a while ago..but i've learned a little....i've become a more realistic person, i try not to be a pessimist, since i used to be one, it didn't work in life for me. So i wanna be more positive starting from today xD.
Yeah we'll see my progress....im damn tired....gonna ciao for dreamland.
mwah.

tired----

2006-07-28T13:22:00.000-07:00
i have weird sleeping patterns. Just because i had barely two hours of sleep this morning, i actually convinced myself that i could have great sleep right about now, and fuck..now i'm writing to you all over again, just like the other nights when dreamland won't take me. I took actifed, for that horrible cough i was giving out just about everywhere today. When ur cough gets really bad, it tends to have this recoiling effect, oooh yeah...thats when the cough gets real real bad. Just like mine, fuck...it's so tiring to cough, sometimes i try to hold it in, but it tickles my throat. So i'm alone again, yeah a loner, if starbux was my neighbor, i would hang out anytime baby. So at least i have some inspiration to plan out what it is that needs to planned out instead of staying at home n doing the same thing all the time when i can't fall into nice sleep. I was like twisting and turning all over, nah comfortable spots didn't make me sink into dreams, just made me jump out of my bed, that's all.
I feel so uncomfortable at this hour, everything just seems so still and awkward and you're the only thing that's breathing. It feels weird, no noise from the television, just you typing these words and that's about it.
Today i went shopping man, it was awesome, actually managed to get some preppy clothes.
it was cool.
yeah that's basically my life for today and what happened. haha...okay gnite gnite gnite.

hushhh..

2006-07-24T15:04:00.000-07:00
My little bloggie,
Today in a way i feel depressed. I guess i just give up easily on things that aren't that difficult if you make some effort. Problem with me is that i don't give that much effort, i dunt have the fire chasing me, i really don't. If i had that fire, i'm one lucky bitch, but unfortunately i don't.
My sister got drunk just then, now i know what it feels like to take care of people when they are drunk, most especially when i'm drunk and all i do is puke everywhere, fuck that's just really selfish of me huh..not like i mean to, but shit happens. It's hard to promise urself not to get drunk, it's mainly peer pressure that makes you drink and drink more than you think you can. You wanna drink with them and act tougher than you are with drinks when really i have realized in this life, whoever drinks the least is the winner, not the most. haha...never thought about that you know. But i like drinking less, it makes me feel healthier and i don't start getting all slutty, well who am i to say all this. It'll prolly strike back at me one day and i'll fuckin embarass myself. It's a fact, just when you promise yourself that you won't ever get tipsy again, you end up getting drunk instead. So i just wanna hush about all this shit. Ahhh blog im tired...im gonna go to sleep and have cool dreams with the cartoons. Maybe spongebob and square pants will show up? Hmm..or ooooh...homer simpson cracking me up. I need that in dreamland. au revoir.
i miss all the people that i've missed and met throughout my beautiful 19 years.
cheppi----